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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend? AIBU to tell her to f*ck off

207 replies

Lovemusic33 · 19/09/2018 17:41

I occasionally make celebration cakes for friends and family but I am a registered business so never do it for nothing (but rarely make much from a cake). I also work part time and lead a pretty busy life.

So today I get a message from a friend (close friend) asking if I could make her a cake for 2 weeks time, she said she will pay for the ingredients for me to make it. So I’m thinking ‘what about paying for my time?’ So I ask her what kind of cake she would like and she describes to me the cake she has in mind. A cake that would probably cost £100+ to buy from anyone else, why? because it would take around 8 hours to make (maybe longer), on top of that is the cost of electricity and I would probably have to buy a few bits/tools to make it.

So AUBU to tell her to f*ck off? Do people really not realise how much time and skill goes into making a cake? It’s not something I just chuck together in a hour.

Just to add, it’s not her birthday so she’s obviously told a friend that she will ask me if I can make it for nothing.

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 19/09/2018 18:27

Hell no!

She knows how hard you work and is definately trying it on.
Making a complicated cake for sfa is ridiculous. Tell her you are too busy with paid work to spend 8 hours plus electric etc for free.

Where do these people get off thinking others will use thier skills and hours of their time for them for free?

Willow2017 · 19/09/2018 18:29

You are being a bit unreasonable. She might be fine with paying you

Considering she has only offered to buy the ingredients we can assume she thinks thats enough and op can 'whip up a designer cake in an hour' for free. I wouldnt hold my breath on her actually expecting to pay a decent price for a good cake.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 19/09/2018 18:31

People sometimes ask me to crochet stuff for them, I usually offer to teach them to crochet instead. They invariably laugh hollowly and say "As if I would have the time for something like that." (But they clearly think that I have nothing better to do Hmm ) I've never had anyone take me up on the offer to teach them and I only crochet things that I want to make for people that I genuinely like a lot.

Jammydodger1981 · 19/09/2018 18:32

You are being a bit unreasonable. She might be fine with paying you

It’s not going to be her paying though is it? OP said it’s not her birthday anywhere near now and she suspects she’s been offering her mates rate discount with OP to someone else. CF indeed!

magoria · 19/09/2018 18:33

What is wrong with just telling her?

'I'm sorry I can't afford to do a cake that complicated for nothing as it would take me at least 8 hours of my time.'

BabySharkDooDooDooDoo · 19/09/2018 18:33

Tell her you cant do it as it takes too much time away from your paid job

flumpybear · 19/09/2018 18:34

I loved the response about prioritising paid work and that it'll take 8 hours of work to do that (bearing in mind 8 hours of anyone's time is expensive let alone the ingredients)

I may also top it off with I only do favours once for a friend as otherwise I'll be inundated with freebies so wouldn't have a business - perhaps save your favour for a really special do but again I'd need to prioritise paid Work as I have bills like everyone Wink

mostdays · 19/09/2018 18:35

I would just text her back "that would probably cost £100+ to buy from anyone else, why? because it would take around 8 hours to make (maybe longer), on top of that is the cost of electricity and I would probably have to buy a few bits/tools to make it".

EvaHarknessRose · 19/09/2018 18:36

No I’m not available that week
No I don’t do friend and family discounts
No, I would quote you my business rates but I can’t do that date or any near it
No, due to abuse of my good nature I am not doing freebies for anyone

ShadyLady53 · 19/09/2018 18:38

BlackAmericanoNoSugar SO relatable! I once had a CF former friend who said, "Oh you crochet! You can make me one of those really cool seventies blankets for my (double) bed!". I just went, "Er..no thanks!" and she looked really hurt and said, "I'd buy the wool for you." And I explained that kind of thing, at the rate I crochet at given my other commitments, would take around a year for me to complete and that edging it would take ages. She didn't seem to think that was all that bad! I had to point out there were other things I'd rather be doing with my time!

Jeezoh · 19/09/2018 18:38

Just message back that you’re prioritising paid work so if she still wants the cake, it’ll be £x which covers ingredients, extra tools and 8 hours labour.

CandleWithHair · 19/09/2018 18:39

“Hi CF. I don’t have time to make it for you I’m afraid. If you’re still planning on shopping around to have that design made up, you should expect to pay around £X, that’s what I would’ve charged you. Hope you find a solution!”

Says no, and ensures your friend knows you won’t be making her any cakes for free at any point in the future.

MulticolourMophead · 19/09/2018 18:40

‘Hi XX. I can do the cake - it’s complicated and will take about 8 hours, so I’d charge £100 of which £50 is needed as a deposit. Let me know if you want to go ahead by xx time. Cheers!’

Don't ask for a deposit, ask for the whole lot upfront. As she's a CF, she'll likely try to find a way of not paying the remaining 50%.

LeftRightCentre · 19/09/2018 18:40

Exactly, Eva.

FrogFairy · 19/09/2018 18:40

If she wants a bespoke cake then she will have to pay bespoke cake prices.

If she wants a cheap cake they do perfectly nice party cakes in Aldi for £4.

You pays your money and takes your choice.

melj1213 · 19/09/2018 18:40

I don’t want to make this cake due to her being a CF, I would rather get money from working my other job

Then just tell her that..

"Hi . I've looked at the cake design and it usually retails at £100+ as it would take around 8 hours and £X for materials alone to make, and that's without paying for my time which would be £Y. Unfortunately, I am busy with paid orders atm and I just can't afford to give up 8hrs of paid time to make your cake. If you wanted I could squeeze it in for £X but if not then unfortunately I can't help this time. Good luck finding a cake!

grumiosmum · 19/09/2018 18:40

You don't have to tell her to FO.

But you could offer her a mates rate? Say a 10 -20% discount on what you'd normally charge.

JakeBallardswife · 19/09/2018 18:43

Just send something similar to:

'Not actually able to do this now, too much work on. Another time the quote for this would be £100. Hope this helps and you can find another cake maker. Chat soon '

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 19/09/2018 18:44

You should have offered to send her a few YouTube links ShadyLady. And told her that you can't fully appreciate the beauty of a handmade object until you have made one yourself. Grin

TheFillijonk · 19/09/2018 18:45

Yadnbu. She's a CF.
Tell her you don't make cakes just for the cost of ingredients. If you want to make it then give her a proper quote.

ShadyLady53 · 19/09/2018 18:46

BlackAmericanoNoSugar Lol Grin ! I told her she should learn but...she, "didn't have the time nor patience" - nor a sense irony!

MediocrePenguin · 19/09/2018 18:46

'I'm afraid that this my job and I can't afford to work for free. A cake like that would normally cost £100 but I could give your friend 10% off if that helps?'

Simple.

Twotailed · 19/09/2018 18:49

I just think that instead of either flying off the handle or lying, OP could calmly tell her friend the terms on which she would be willing to make the cake (i.e. at her normal rate) or tell her that she doesn’t want to make it at all. Then (it the former) the friend can decide if she’s willing to pay it. If the friend tries to wear the OP down to do it for less or for free then she is a CF, bu equally she might say she’s happy to pay. I just don’t know why it’s a drama yet?

I get asked for free legal advice all the time. Sometimes I give it, sometimes I don’t. But I don’t find being asked in the first place cheeky. It’s just a request.

Bowerbird5 · 19/09/2018 18:50

It is why I stopped doing it. I put my prices in line with the local bakers of minimum £35 and only one person has asked me since. I put hours into them. No, I don't think people have any idea how long it takes. I made one for The Wedding for school and announced it would be the last one. They never pay for them not even the ingredients

I feel your frustration. Tell her you're too busy.

Dodie66 · 19/09/2018 18:51

I would send a message back and say how much it will cost. Why should you be out of pocket?