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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend? AIBU to tell her to f*ck off

207 replies

Lovemusic33 · 19/09/2018 17:41

I occasionally make celebration cakes for friends and family but I am a registered business so never do it for nothing (but rarely make much from a cake). I also work part time and lead a pretty busy life.

So today I get a message from a friend (close friend) asking if I could make her a cake for 2 weeks time, she said she will pay for the ingredients for me to make it. So I’m thinking ‘what about paying for my time?’ So I ask her what kind of cake she would like and she describes to me the cake she has in mind. A cake that would probably cost £100+ to buy from anyone else, why? because it would take around 8 hours to make (maybe longer), on top of that is the cost of electricity and I would probably have to buy a few bits/tools to make it.

So AUBU to tell her to f*ck off? Do people really not realise how much time and skill goes into making a cake? It’s not something I just chuck together in a hour.

Just to add, it’s not her birthday so she’s obviously told a friend that she will ask me if I can make it for nothing.

OP posts:
Ignoramusgiganticus · 19/09/2018 21:36

What have you texted op?

dinosaurkisses · 19/09/2018 21:37

Did I miss where the OP said the CF was family?

@Powerless - well good for you. I’d personally think that someone who offered their professional services to all their friends and family without requesting payment was a bit of a people pleaser, but each to their own.

Havaina · 19/09/2018 22:08

YABU. Sorry but charging your own family? Seriously? What is the big deal?

It's OP business. If she made free cakes for her brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, cousins, grandparents, for birthdays, weddings, christenings, anniversaries - when would she have time to make cake for paying customers?

Since you're so generous, I hope you're cleaning all your family and friends' house every week for free for them?

justilou1 · 19/09/2018 22:22

Either charger her for your time or be too busy with existing work to do have time to make this cake. If she doesn’t value your time enough to pay for it, she will tell everyone else how much she got away with paying and others will expect the same deal....

puzzledlady · 19/09/2018 22:30

@powerless - did you even read the thread? Its for a friend, not family.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/09/2018 22:31

@Powerless, if you read the OP, the CF asking for the cake is a friend of the OP, not family, and her impression is that the cake isn’t even for this friend, but for a friend of the friend - so I have no idea where you got the idea that the OP, or anyone else on this thread, is suggesting she charges family.

The only cake she has mentioned making for a member of her family was the wedding cake she made for her mum and her new partner, and she stated that was given as a gift.

SerenDippyEggs · 19/09/2018 22:41

Everyone give a big clap for Powerless! What a bloody saint.

Hmm
TheSerenDipitY · 19/09/2018 22:46

dont reply, yes or no, reply with a proper quote, using the actual prices you charge, and make sure you add that you expect to be paid a 50% deposit and the rest on completion before delivery is made ... ie just confirming as per phone conversation, one 3 tiered chocolate layer cake with raspberry mousse filling blah blah top layer a "vw camper" with silver chrome details and dark blue panels, etc etc etc lots of blah blah details and then the price and ask her to confirm and pay the deposit right away so you can start

amicissimma · 19/09/2018 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

excalatingtradewar · 20/09/2018 16:56

Powerless read the bloody thread at least Hmm

Juells · 20/09/2018 17:30

puzzledlady

powerless - did you even read the thread? Its for a friend, not family.

Powerless didn't even read the OP 😂

Seriously though, nobody would ask a man to do this.

"You're a painter, will you come and paint my whole house, I'll give you something towards the cost of the paint"

"You're a caterer, will you cater for my wedding, I'll pay for the ingredients"

"You do kitchens, will you re-do mine, I'll buy all the appliances and cupboards, you'll just have to fit them."

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 20/09/2018 17:32

I think people often ask men to do this sort of stuff actually Juells, there have been poster on this thread (as well as many others) complaining about that very thing. CF's, for all their faults, are usually equal opportunity takers and users.

Bumble1830 · 20/09/2018 17:36

It would be a shame to lose a friendship over it, like a few have already said, just say it's going to cost x amount and if they don't want to pay that they can go elsewhere

Jeepy · 20/09/2018 17:39

You are doing the right thing: 'Make your point without making an enemy' (Churchill)

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 20/09/2018 17:45

powerless she’s not family, I have done cakes for family for just ingredients or instead of a gift but I don’t get much thanks for it. This is a cake for a friend, but it’s not fo her, it’s for her friend (someone I don’t know). If I did fee cakes for everyone I would be pretty busy as it someone’s birthday most weeks 🤣

I’m going to message her tonight and say I can’t do it and even if I could it would cost her £100due to the time it would take me to make.

OP posts:
NTitled · 20/09/2018 17:52

Just say you're really busy at the moment and have to give priority to paid work

This.

Easynow · 20/09/2018 17:53

Tell her you are booked until after Xmas.

EeeSheWasThin · 20/09/2018 17:57

Don’t add the “even if I could” bit in case she says yes, it’ll just piss you off 😉

GreatWesternValkyrie · 20/09/2018 18:02

This is a cake for a friend, but it’s not fo her, it’s for her friend (someone I don’t know)

I hadn’t gleaned that from your original post Lovemusic - that’s even worse. I’d deliberately misunderstand and provide a quote with an extra note saying that you don’t accept ingredients being provided by the customer as it’s important that you can guarantee the quality of the end product Grin.

actualpuffins · 20/09/2018 18:06

YWBU to actually tell her to fuck off.

YWNBU to reply "Happy to do it but it will cost £100 for labour plus X for ingredients."

Lalala2018 · 20/09/2018 18:16

This is my pet peeve, friends expecting freebies. I wouldn't dream of expecting a friend to give me one. Friendship can't pay the bills. It was like this friend I had that everytime we went out, I would get the bill, only to discover she was saving her money and spending mine. YANBU.

Gemini69 · 20/09/2018 18:19

I hope you say No too OP Flowers

pollymere · 20/09/2018 18:25

I stopped singing at weddings etc as people assumed I was doing it for free, or it was somehow a present to them. As there was no obvious cost in their opinion. At one, I didn't even get a thank you, whilst the bridesmaids were given expensive presents (I was related to the groom at that one!)

shadypines · 20/09/2018 19:05

Not read all the thread to see if you've mentioned her job but how about you ask her if she'd do 8 hours (ie a full day's) work for free? Perhaps she'll think twice!

Juells · 20/09/2018 19:12

CF's, for all their faults, are usually equal opportunity takers and users.

Well put!