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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend? AIBU to tell her to f*ck off

207 replies

Lovemusic33 · 19/09/2018 17:41

I occasionally make celebration cakes for friends and family but I am a registered business so never do it for nothing (but rarely make much from a cake). I also work part time and lead a pretty busy life.

So today I get a message from a friend (close friend) asking if I could make her a cake for 2 weeks time, she said she will pay for the ingredients for me to make it. So I’m thinking ‘what about paying for my time?’ So I ask her what kind of cake she would like and she describes to me the cake she has in mind. A cake that would probably cost £100+ to buy from anyone else, why? because it would take around 8 hours to make (maybe longer), on top of that is the cost of electricity and I would probably have to buy a few bits/tools to make it.

So AUBU to tell her to f*ck off? Do people really not realise how much time and skill goes into making a cake? It’s not something I just chuck together in a hour.

Just to add, it’s not her birthday so she’s obviously told a friend that she will ask me if I can make it for nothing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 19/09/2018 18:14

Sorry, I don’t want to post any photos as it will put me (I have friends on here that don’t know my mn name) 😬

She has asked for a VW campervan cake (3D/carved cake), it’s not the most tricky cake but will take a while to make.

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 19/09/2018 18:14

She's walking all over you, as is your mum's partner by the sounds of it. Never thanked you and asked where their wedding gift was? I hope your reply was 'It's up your arse, mate.'

Anyway, either laugh in your 'friend's face and say 'I can't afford to put that kind of work in for free' or be less confrontational and say 'I haven't got time for that as I've got too much paid work on.' Personally I'd go for the latter and give her a chance to realise what she's asked and either apologise or at least not ask again, before going for the more nuclear option.

RangeRider · 19/09/2018 18:14

I would reply - that design will take a lot of time and my mates rates for it would be £x + ingredients of about £y. If you still want me to do it you'll need to drop off the cash this weekend so I have the time to buy ingredients and make it.
This ^^. Perfect - you get cash upfront if she wants it or she can say no.

LeftRightCentre · 19/09/2018 18:15

Look, she's already mugged you off. She's a CF. 'No can do. I'm not available for that.' The end.

Inertia · 19/09/2018 18:16

Don’t tell her to F off, just tell her what the cost would be and she can either say yes or no.

IDoLoveToBeBesideTheSeaside · 19/09/2018 18:16

KurriKurri's answer is good.
"Tell her you normally charge £120 for a cake like that, but since she's a mate you'll do it for £100."

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 19/09/2018 18:17

Darling Yes, I no longer talk to my mums partner (my step dad), he’s not a nice person.

I don’t want to make this cake due to her being a CF, I would rather get money from working my other job.

OP posts:
LondonJax · 19/09/2018 18:17

I agree with many of the others. Tell her how much it would normally cost and, if you are happy to give her a discount, tell her how much it is to her.

But you're not obligated to do a discount. I buy from friends who make cakes or do flowers because, a) I want to support their business and b) I know what I'm getting for my money.

She may well walk away but she'll be back when she does some research and finds out how much other cake makers are charging.

I wouldn't go down the 'I'm too busy' at the moment - as someone said you're just pushing the issue to a later date. Teach her now that cakes cost money. If it's a problem for her she needs to either step off her dream cloud and choose something cheaper or learn to make cakes (good luck with that eh?)

EK36 · 19/09/2018 18:17

Just text her the price you would normally charge others. Ask if she wants you to make it still? She can either say yes or no?! If she queries it just explain that you "need to focus on paid work at the moment"

Yarnswift · 19/09/2018 18:18

‘Hi XX. I can do the cake - it’s complicated and will take about 8 hours, so I’d charge £100 of which £50 is needed as a deposit. Let me know if you want to go ahead by xx time. Cheers!’

I also make stuff (kids clothes, knitted things etc) and never sell because it’s just not worth my time. CFs just need a polite but unemotional costing in my experience (no I can’t knit you a replica Gucci wrap in cashmere for free... the yarn alone will cost hundreds...)

DarlingNikita · 19/09/2018 18:18

I'm glad to hear it, OP.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 19/09/2018 18:20

I don’t want to make this cake due to her being a CF, I would rather get money from working my other job

So just say that you can't do it. No need to explain. I turn down loads of freelance jobs that I don't want to do, sometimes because they're cheeky fuckers, sometimes because they're nightmare jobs. No need for justifications, no need for telling anyone to fuck off.

ShadyLady53 · 19/09/2018 18:21

If you don't want to make a cake for her then don't! You could always say, "I'm so sorry but thats quite a complicated design and I've got hardly any free time at the moment to do it justice. You could always try "CakeyMcCakes" but you should know that the going rate for this kind of cake is £100. Hope you get it sorted."

And I agree with your principle...you should always be paid for your time and don't accept anything less. I'm a freelancer and people often take the piss.

RandomMess · 19/09/2018 18:21

If you don't want to do it "Sorry I need to spend the 10 hours it would take earning at my full rate of £15 per hour"

Sorry10 · 19/09/2018 18:22

Just message her and say will cost so much normally but say maybe 10% discount for you . I buy cakes off a lady who similar to you and yes they cost but it's the time that's involved. If she doesn't like it tell her to check Asda out if she only wants to spend £10 .

Quangot · 19/09/2018 18:22

Tell her you hesitate to work for people you know socially as too many expect you to do it for free. Then see what she says. Would she do her own job without payment? She will either get the message or not, but if not then yes she's a CF.

LeftRightCentre · 19/09/2018 18:22

Then just tell her. 'No can do. I'm focusing on paid work just now and am booked up.'

MrsSteptoe · 19/09/2018 18:22

Whatever you do, don't marry someone with a van (antique dealer's wife - clue's in the username). You'll spend your life making free cakes while your DH pops out to just move someone from one flat to another, or pick up an item of furniture and drop it off, or take something to the tip, free of charge.

People can be very possessive about their money.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 19/09/2018 18:22

Tell her you don't have much free time at the moment, so she will need to buy the ingredients and bring them to you and will also need to do a time swap for the hours that you will be working on it. So it will take you 8 hours, what can she usefully do for you with 8 hours of her time? Send her a list of what you would be doing with that time that she will need to do for you instead, cleaning the bathroom, walking the dog, hoovering, all the stuff that doesn't require skill and is deathly boring.

She will almost definitely say that she doesn't have the time for all that. To which you can reply "Well I don't have time to do it all and make a cake for free".

Although, it's easier to just say that you are fully booked and won't have time for even a simple cake.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 19/09/2018 18:24

Tell her you hesitate to work for people you know socially as too many expect you to do it for free. Then see what she says

Why? Op doesn't want to do it, so why open up a discussion/negotiation about? All that achieves is to waste everyone's time.

Cutietips · 19/09/2018 18:24

There definitely seem to be some jobs that people seem to expect to be done for free: hairdressing, legal advice, plumbing, and cake making come to mind. Whereas people don’t tend to expect you to pop round and do all their filing, do their ironing or do their gardening for free (although I might be wrong but just haven’t heard of it).

I think it’s best to say I can’t because I’ve got some paid work to do. She can’t really argue with that. Then at some point later on just let her know that you have decided not to do any free cakes or photos in future as you need to put your time aside for paid work.

Rhiannon13 · 19/09/2018 18:24

...I’m thinking ‘what about paying for my time?’

And this is where the problem lies. Why did you keep that to yourself that instead of speaking to her at the time? Surely it's obvious that these kinds of 'problems' can be avoided with effective communication?

I want them to know that I don’t make cakes for free. So...

Twotailed · 19/09/2018 18:24

You are being a bit unreasonable. She might be fine with paying you. I’d just let her know that you wouldn’t be able to do it for less than X amount and you understand if she would rather go elsewhere. If she pressures you to do it for free then she’s a CF!

TomHardysNextWife · 19/09/2018 18:27

Just reply "sorry but i've just got too much on my plate at the moment to commit 6 or 8 very precious hours to make a cake as a favour - I don't mind lending you some bits if you want to have a go yourself though"

LeftRightCentre · 19/09/2018 18:27

You are being a bit unreasonable. She might be fine with paying you.

The OP has just said that she doesn't want to do it for the CF. At all. So she needs to grow a spine and just tell her no.