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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend? AIBU to tell her to f*ck off

207 replies

Lovemusic33 · 19/09/2018 17:41

I occasionally make celebration cakes for friends and family but I am a registered business so never do it for nothing (but rarely make much from a cake). I also work part time and lead a pretty busy life.

So today I get a message from a friend (close friend) asking if I could make her a cake for 2 weeks time, she said she will pay for the ingredients for me to make it. So I’m thinking ‘what about paying for my time?’ So I ask her what kind of cake she would like and she describes to me the cake she has in mind. A cake that would probably cost £100+ to buy from anyone else, why? because it would take around 8 hours to make (maybe longer), on top of that is the cost of electricity and I would probably have to buy a few bits/tools to make it.

So AUBU to tell her to f*ck off? Do people really not realise how much time and skill goes into making a cake? It’s not something I just chuck together in a hour.

Just to add, it’s not her birthday so she’s obviously told a friend that she will ask me if I can make it for nothing.

OP posts:
Snog · 19/09/2018 18:53

Commercial rate for this custom made cake would be £120 as it will take a full day to make.

Mates rates would be 10% discount, let me know ASAP if you want to go ahead so I can book in the order. I would need payment upfront to take the booking.

juneau · 19/09/2018 18:57

I think your proposed answer is fine, or you could say 'Eight hours of my time, plus ingredients, plus specialist tools will cost £X'. She is being a really CF and if you don't address it these requests will keep coming as word gets out that she can get fab cakes made by her friend for next to nothing.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 19/09/2018 18:59

I think I would just say, " I don't do cakes for just the cost of ingredients I always charge for my time as otherwise I just couldn't afford to keep my business. Unfortunately I am fully booked up for the next few weeks but if you wanted another cake in the future I would be happy to offer you a 10% discount as you are a good friend"

That way you are clearly not doing It but you've also protected yourself from another C.F. request.

DizzyCow63 · 19/09/2018 19:01

Sorry for the derail OP but @BlackAmericanoNoSugar I would bite your hand off if you offered to teach me to crochet! Your friends are mad. I'm dying to learn and no-one to teach me! Tried YouTube but it's not the same as a person I can ask questions!

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 19/09/2018 19:07

I have made cakes for close friends and family as a hobby. I enjoy the challenge. I'm not a professional or business.

I've found myself pressurised into spending hours making cakes just for the price of the ingredients (and even then people have wanted cheaper prices and were haggling). I find the work isn't valued and I resent it.

I've now stopped and redirect to the professionals. I'm quite blunt about telling people why.

Beautifulsunshine · 19/09/2018 19:08

OP, would you be annoyed of your friend asked for help making a cake? I have a friend who makes cakes part time and would like her to show me how to ice it properly (I would bake the cake) or is this a bit cheeky?

eddielizzard · 19/09/2018 19:09

I would quote her a business rate. Wouldn't actually say anything else. 'Sure I'll make the cake. It'll cost you £150, payable up front.'

I wonder if you asked her for any help, what her response would be? If it's a no, I'd stop all the favours PDQ.

Rosenspants · 19/09/2018 19:09

Another freelancer here. I eventually snapped after a long time of giving discounts, , reduced rates and basically being little more than a volunteer. And being treated really badly in spite of it. At that point, I more than doubled my hourly rate. I fixed a charity rate a little lower (only for organisations with charitable status,) and that is the only discount I give. Business is business. The CFs soon stopped asking, but decent people didn’t bat an eyelid at my rates and never ask for freebies.
OP you have a great skill and should be paid a suitable rate for the job.

Stormwhale · 19/09/2018 19:15

It sounds like she has bragged to someone that she has a friend who will make it for free. She is going to look very foolish.

riceuten · 19/09/2018 19:16

I'd respond "Happy to do mates' rates, but something like this will cost £80 in ingredients and labour alone. Do you want to proceed on this basis?"

My guess is she will be on here like a flash stating "I asked a friend to do me a tiny cake and the CF wants to charge me 100 quid!"

KateGrey · 19/09/2018 19:18

I wouldn’t do it at all. Likelihood is she won’t want to pay for it.

seven201 · 19/09/2018 19:22

You're not doing yourself any favours with all this talk of checking diaries etc. Just say

ingredients are £x, time is 8 hours at £y per hour (mates rate including electricity etc) so that makes £Z. Do you still want the cake? Can't do it for anything less I'm afraid as I could be working my other job and as you know I don't really make a profit doing cakes.

Juells · 19/09/2018 19:23

I made my mums wedding cake as their wedding gift, my mums partner never thanked me and asked me where their wedding gift was angry ,it cost me over £100 to make (3 tiers).

That's really sad and must have been very upsetting :(

If she's a CF then even if you did it at mates' rates she'd feel aggrieved, and you might have a job getting the money from her. You're probably right to just say you haven't time.

Isleepinahedgefund · 19/09/2018 19:29

If you don’t want to, don’t do it, just say sorry I can’t.

By the way, have you asked her who it’s for, as it seems it’s not actually for her? It’s one level of cheekiness to expect an essentially free cake for yourself, a whole different higher level if you’re blagging it for someone else.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 19/09/2018 19:33

DizzyCow I would teach you because only lovely people crochet or want to crochet. Cheeky fuckers never want to put their own time and effort into something so I can offer to teach them safe in the knowledge that they will never take me up on it.

Are there any crochet classes near you, perhaps in a local yarn shop or adult education centre? I still go to class because it's so relaxing even though I don't really need any help anymore.

AnoukSpirit · 19/09/2018 19:33

In the nicest way possible how can someone who takes advantage of you and mistreats you on a regular basis still be someone you can consider a "close friend"? Looking at the bigger picture you've described here.

Is the reason you want to tell her to fuck off because this has brought into focus that she only values you for what she can get from you, rather than valuing you as a person?

If so, I don't think you'd be unreasonable to be telling her to get lost on a permanent basis. Although phrasing it in a calmer way might attract less aggro in response.

ShalomJackie · 19/09/2018 19:35

Why is everyone continuing to say charge x etc. In an update the OP says she doesn't want to make it at all.

The reply should be. Sorry unable to accommodate as I am fully booked.

meddie · 19/09/2018 19:36

Dont know why you even need to make an excuse, just say no you dont work for free.
I also crochet @BlackAmericanoNoSugar and I did a few blankets as favours but no more.

MondayImInLove · 19/09/2018 19:38

I don’t understand why this is an issue, just send her a quote like you would send to any client, give her a x% discount if you want (written in the quote) and ask to let you know by x date if she wants to go ahead. Done.

WomanFormerlyKnownAsKarateGirl · 19/09/2018 19:39

You need to be honest with her, otherwise she'll keep doing it. Loads of good suggestions above but whatever you do, don't apologise! You have nothing to apologise for - it's your livelihood, and she should respect that.

The comments about being asked for free legal advice and knitting/crochet made me smile. I never knit or crochet anything for people who ask - if you receive something from me, it's because I've decided to make it. Invariably the legal advice I'm asked for isn't the area I specialise in, so I tell people that I'm worse than useless to them, and my professional indemnity insurance wouldn't cover it. That usually shuts them up. I do end up with a handful of persistent CFs "Oh, but I only want a view on this matter, and I'd never sue you if it went wrong." And that's before you get to the actual clients who want legal advice without the bills...

Havaina · 19/09/2018 19:40

Op, you say you're barely making on the cakes. You need to treat it like a proper business and charge for what your cakes are worth and what people are willing to pay.

Are your cakes in demand? Are you charging a lot less than competitors. If yes, start to charge more!

Jux · 19/09/2018 19:40

Sorry, CF, I'm not free to make that cake this time. For future reference, I will normally give a quote for the time +ingredients when making a cake, and of course any 'mates rates' will be included in that. I'd be happy to make that cake another time so do contact me if you would want it in the future.

That's enough isn't it?

greenlanes · 19/09/2018 19:42

From what you originally posted I dont think she was being a CF - just very ignorant. I would reply as many others have suggested with a price that you are happy with, making it clear that covers ingredients and your time (and any discount or not you are happy to give). Your friend might genuinely think you are a great cake maker! Is it worth destroying that friendship just yet?

acatcalledjohn · 19/09/2018 19:42

I bake too and luckily my friends haven't even attempted at taking the piss.

I would tell her that unfortunately you have too many other things on to commit to such a time consuming design and, for future reference, you will never do a cake for 'just' ingredients.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 19/09/2018 19:44

Why is everyone continuing to say charge x etc. In an update the OP says she doesn't want to make it at all

Because who has time to RTFT when time could be better spent voicing an irrelevant opinion already identically voiced by 100 other people? Grin

Pretty much every thread now is 10 pages of the same comment over and over again. I blame the 'cancel the cheque' saga Sad