Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend? AIBU to tell her to f*ck off

207 replies

Lovemusic33 · 19/09/2018 17:41

I occasionally make celebration cakes for friends and family but I am a registered business so never do it for nothing (but rarely make much from a cake). I also work part time and lead a pretty busy life.

So today I get a message from a friend (close friend) asking if I could make her a cake for 2 weeks time, she said she will pay for the ingredients for me to make it. So I’m thinking ‘what about paying for my time?’ So I ask her what kind of cake she would like and she describes to me the cake she has in mind. A cake that would probably cost £100+ to buy from anyone else, why? because it would take around 8 hours to make (maybe longer), on top of that is the cost of electricity and I would probably have to buy a few bits/tools to make it.

So AUBU to tell her to f*ck off? Do people really not realise how much time and skill goes into making a cake? It’s not something I just chuck together in a hour.

Just to add, it’s not her birthday so she’s obviously told a friend that she will ask me if I can make it for nothing.

OP posts:
wowfudge · 19/09/2018 17:54

Tell her you have to prioritise paid work and your order book is already full with just two weeks to go.

Oddcat · 19/09/2018 17:55

It's really annoying when you have a skill and people take advantage. I used to get it when I cut hair 'ooh just a quick trim , it won't take long ' when what they actually wanted was a complete restyle. (And a quick trim takes the same amount of time as having 4 inches off anyway).

I'd thank her for offering to pay for the ingredients but it will be very time consuming and so you'll have to add on extra for labour . Explain that the time it will take is time that you could be earning money and so you would actually be out of pocket.

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 19/09/2018 17:55

Pap I do make cakes for friends but I always charge for my time as well as ingredients, I never do it for “just ingredients”. Quite often people tip me too as they feel I don’t charge enough and they are pleased with what I have made. I don’t ever make much money as I often have to buy equipment and tools.

My prices range from £30 for a basic cake, if she had asked for a basic cake then I probably would have done it for her but to request something really complicated is a bit cheeky.

OP posts:
PassMeTheHaribosAmego · 19/09/2018 17:57

Laughing at how she has just offered to pay for the ingredients , like she is doing you a favour
I’d reply something like
Ha ha ha , it doesn’t work like that . I usually give a price for what I charge . Let me know if you are interested and I’ll work something out

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 19/09/2018 17:57

just I made my mums wedding cake as their wedding gift, my mums partner never thanked me and asked me where their wedding gift was Angry ,it cost me over £100 to make (3 tiers).

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 19/09/2018 17:59

It is really cheeky and I get this all the time in my line of work - I make websites and everyone wants a website these days and apparently I should be doing it for free.

I'd be honest with her, I've lost so much time doing things for free for family and friends, the best thing I ever did was saying that they've either got to pay properly (not always full price), pay someone else to do it or do it themselves. People don't seem to think about your time that they are taking up.

GodolphianArabian · 19/09/2018 18:00

I would either tell her the cost and charge her. Or tell her it will take you 8 hours to make and so ask if she'd be happy to come and do 8 hours of work for you in return? gardening, cleaning your house, ironing etc anything that illustrates that what she is asking is for you to spend a day doing her an enormous favour!

WerewolfNumber1 · 19/09/2018 18:01

I think some people assume that making cakes is like your hobby, so it’s almost like they’re giving you a fun project to do. I get the same with knitting - people know I like to knit, so offer to buy the wool so I can make them something, but they clearly have no idea how much time and effort it would take.

Sometimes you just need to be polite but assertive so:

“Hi x, I’ve had a proper look at the cake design you’re interested in now. It would take at least 8 hours, plus I’d need to spend about x on materials and ingredients, so I’d have to charge £y amount. I can squeeze in this order, but only if you let me know in the next couple of days as otherwise my time will all be booked up. “

CarlGrimesMissingEye · 19/09/2018 18:02

I would just be honest. "A cake that complicated takes a lot of time. I'd usually charge x but because you're a mate I could do it for y"

I am self employed and do a bit of stuff for friends and family but always expect to be paid properly.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 19/09/2018 18:03

Hi Friend, I’ve now had a chance to price up the cake you want. It’s very time consuming so I’d have to charge you £X. Let me know if you want to go ahead/talk about something simpler. At the moment I have time in the diary to make it, but I work on a first come, first served basis so wouldn’t keep the time available just in case. If you decide you’d rather pick up a cheapy from Tesco, I don’t be offended. Love OP.

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 19/09/2018 18:03

when I get this a lot with my other hobby too, I do photography and people seem to think I will do photos for the websites for free. I need to learn to just say no to people or to send them a quote with a price.

I think I will just message her saying I can’t afford to use 8 hours of my time making her a cake when I could be doing paid work.

OP posts:
Haireverywhere · 19/09/2018 18:04

In that case be honest about what's involved and she can take it or leave it. She does sound quite cheeky in general!

RandomMess · 19/09/2018 18:04

I would reply - that design will take a lot of time and my mates rates for it would be £x + ingredients of about £y. If you still want me to do it you'll need to drop off the cash this weekend so I have the time to buy ingredients and make it.

dinosaurkisses · 19/09/2018 18:05

Actually, I’d maybe avoid saying that you’re booked up.

Come Christmas or her DP’s birthday etc, she’ll just ask 4 weeks ahead instead. Better to just be upfront.

KurriKurri · 19/09/2018 18:06

Tell her you normally charge £120 for a cake like that, but sincce she's a mate you'll do it for £100.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 19/09/2018 18:07

I think I will just message her saying I can’t afford to use 8 hours of my time making her a cake when I could be doing paid work

I wouldn't say that, you're just giving her room to kvetch about what a bitch you're being.

Tell her the costs for the ingredients and the cost for your time and that's that, she can take it or leave it. If you always charge for your time, then you charge for your time in this case too. No reason not to.

itswinetime · 19/09/2018 18:07

Absolutely let her see that this isn't a favour like like picking up and extra pint of milk or alike! If you want to make the cake I would reply for a cake that complex it would be ingredients plus and equipment needed and the XX amount for my time.

If you don't want to then I would reply you don't have the time to fit that it at the moment.

ApolloandDaphne · 19/09/2018 18:08

Just explain to her it will take you 8 hours and you cannot afford to give this time for nothing so the cost will be £100. Tell her no hard feelings if she decides not to go with this.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 19/09/2018 18:08

"Oh that be about 8 hours work so £100? Is that ok?"

ie assume she was going to pay you - no-one would be so cheeky as to expect you to do it for nothing.

on the photography - sorry - can't do any mate's rates at the moment.

Returnofthesmileybar · 19/09/2018 18:09

You have two options really

  1. "I just checked and I'm up the walls that weekend so no can do, sorry" BUT all you are doing is kicking the can down the road
  1. "Just checked and I can do the cake you asked for on Saturday, cost is £100. Let me know if you want to go ahead and book"
Bright and breezy, no excuses, no apologies, no mention of mates rates, just x price and your price is your price. If she texts back no just say "No problem" if she questions it then report back here and we'll come up with a reply for the cf Wink
numptynuts · 19/09/2018 18:09

Can we see one for your cakes OP? Smile

Oh and as above, charge her as you normally would!

LeftRightCentre · 19/09/2018 18:10

You need to tell her NO. It's really that simple. And no apologies or thanks for offering to pay for ingredients (seriously? FFS, that's the least you should do) or make an excuse. ''No, I'm not available to do that. I have other commitments.' Do not offer her a quote or explain or anything because as you've said she's a CF so she will always try to rip you off. Actually since you know she's a CF start cutting her a wide berth.

Rudgie47 · 19/09/2018 18:12

I'd say £100 upfront please as she might try to wriggle out of paying.
Actually she sounds like a user so I might not even do it at all even for the £100.

DrinkingRelated · 19/09/2018 18:13

Don't even think of giving her a mate's rate. She's not your friend - she's a user.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 19/09/2018 18:13

I totally see your point. I am a private sports physio and I get loads of people who expect me to treat them for "mates rates"or often look surprised when they ask for help and I tell them how many sessions they will need and how much each one costs. It's my time ffs. They are making use of my 20 years of experience but don't want to pay for it.