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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

CF friend? AIBU to tell her to f*ck off

207 replies

Lovemusic33 · 19/09/2018 17:41

I occasionally make celebration cakes for friends and family but I am a registered business so never do it for nothing (but rarely make much from a cake). I also work part time and lead a pretty busy life.

So today I get a message from a friend (close friend) asking if I could make her a cake for 2 weeks time, she said she will pay for the ingredients for me to make it. So I’m thinking ‘what about paying for my time?’ So I ask her what kind of cake she would like and she describes to me the cake she has in mind. A cake that would probably cost £100+ to buy from anyone else, why? because it would take around 8 hours to make (maybe longer), on top of that is the cost of electricity and I would probably have to buy a few bits/tools to make it.

So AUBU to tell her to f*ck off? Do people really not realise how much time and skill goes into making a cake? It’s not something I just chuck together in a hour.

Just to add, it’s not her birthday so she’s obviously told a friend that she will ask me if I can make it for nothing.

OP posts:

Hissy · 19/09/2018 19:44

Cheeky Fuckers get to be cheeky fuckers by picking and choosing which part of decency, politeness and manners they employ to get whatever they want, however they want it.

If she can ignore convention and assume you will make a cake for nothing, YOU can refuse to acknowledge her kind “offer” and go back to her and say “I can start this cake on X date, cost of this cake will be £xxx, you can pay half now and half on completion, if you want me to go ahead, here are my bank details, as soon as I’ve received your deposit I’ll confirm the order.

Ignore all splutters, comments starting with “but I thought..” and carry on with your day to day.

kateandme · 19/09/2018 19:47

tell her yes you've compared it with similar cakes out there to the one shes asked for so the price will be such and such.maybe take little of for friend prices.

ShalomJackie · 19/09/2018 19:48

Hissy - at least read the last post if you can't be arsed to read the rest!

Holidayshopping · 19/09/2018 19:48

Stop replying saying you’re going to tell her to fuck off (rude), you don’t work for free (PA), you’ll check your diary (feeble) or you’re fully booked (delaying the problem).

Just say-Hi-a cake like that will take about 8 hours and I charge £100. Let me know if you’re interested.

Then you both know where you stand.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 19/09/2018 19:48

tell her yes you've compared it with similar cakes out there to the one shes asked for so the price will be such and such.maybe take little of for friend prices

WHY? OP said pages ago that she doesn't want to make the sodding cake, so there is no price to discuss!

kateandme · 19/09/2018 19:49

mumsnet needs to invent a function that puts at the top of each new page a sub post saying op updates on such a such page!

CripplingAnxiety · 19/09/2018 19:50

If she's a close friend I wouldn't tell her to fuck off, just explain that to do this type of cake would cost more that just the ingredients and give a rough quote and then ask if she still wants it doing. Unless you actually don't have the time to do it then just say that! If she's a good enough friend to you then she'll understand either way.

kateandme · 19/09/2018 19:50

shecamefromgreeceshehadathirst sorry hadn't read all.no need for caps.i got it wrong

kateandme · 19/09/2018 19:51

but then why isn't this post not wanting to do the cake for friend instead of making it bout cost etc

Holidayshopping · 19/09/2018 19:51

I’ve just seen your update-sorry, I missed it. In that case, say ...

Er, no-I don’t make cakes just for the ingredients-a cake like that would take me about 8 hours!

Ngaio2 · 19/09/2018 19:52

OP you do not really want to make this cake so why worry out how to charge her? Simply tell her that not only don’t you have the time but that you don’t have the equipment needed and you don’t want to buy stuff you may not use again. If costs ever come up in conversation with her in future tell her that when it comes to elaborate cakes you only just break even charging £100.

Wildheartsease · 19/09/2018 20:02

1.What price would make you happy to produce the cake?

Please do always assume that your time is one of the ingredients!

Refuse to be CF-ed!

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 19/09/2018 20:06

Ah man, are people doing it on purpose now just to take the piss?

excalatingtradewar · 19/09/2018 20:07

For god's sake OP come back and tell us what you did are going to do, I've just read 6 pages of 758 posters all saying the same thing, I need to know!

eddielizzard · 19/09/2018 20:07

Why is everyone continuing to say charge x etc. In an update the OP says she doesn't want to make it at all

Because you should never turn business away . If you don't want the job, charge more.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 19/09/2018 20:10

I would just be honest that you're very busy at the moment and since this would take at least 8 hours and end up costing you in particular equipment you have to priorities paid work.

I had no idea how much it each actually costs the cake maker to make cake - my friend who makes cakes told me how much she makes per cake and I was surprised it was so little. That said I wouldn't have dreamed of asking her to spend time to make one for free.

Alpacanorange · 19/09/2018 20:12

If you value her friendship don’t tell her to fuck off, if you don’t, you know what to do.
Just text yes that’s fine it will cost £xxx but you will get the ingredients yourself.

Charolais · 19/09/2018 20:16

Explain to her you are really busy making cakes for customers and a cake that special would take 8 hours.

EggysMom · 19/09/2018 20:23

If you don't want the work, tell her you're too busy.

If you do want the work (and can trust her to pay), perhaps reply explaining that you do have to charge for your time as well as ingredients but that you can offer her a 10% "friends" discount so £90.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/09/2018 20:33

I don’t see why people suggest mates rates. This is a friend of a friend. No mate. Even if it were, why mates rates? Op says she already makes very little on the cakes in the first place so mates rates would likely be working for free but paying for the on costs. No thank you.

I hope you put your mother’s husband straight about the cake. I could perhaps see the confusion that you gave no formal gift and he didn’t think about/ forgot the cake. But to come out with it to you is spectacularly rude.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 19/09/2018 20:39

I'd just tell her it's a business rather than a hobby, ingredients plus time plus tools = x and it's up to her and you won't be offended if she changes her mind.

Courtney555 · 19/09/2018 20:39

Ok, so you don't want to make it at all, but you're not sure how to decline her request?

I would say your best response would be to point out that it's not mates rates, because this isn't for your mate.

I don't think it's unreasonable for a close friend to expect a slight reduction in cost, the "just ingredients" offer of payment is taking the mick. But it is unreasonable to expect any reduction by asking on behalf of a third party.

If you want to avoid her doing it again, then maybe:

"Hi, I really can't make a bespoke cake like that just for the cost of ingredients. We're good friends, and for you, I'd keep the costs as low as was feasible, but in order to make that cake on that weekend, I'd have to turn down paid work, and I can't afford to do that, especially when it's going to someone I don't know and would be charged full price if they had contacted me directly. I'm happy to make her cake the priority, and turn the other job away as a favour to you, but the 8hrs it will take me, she'll have to pay for like everyone else, otherwise I'm gifting about £100 indirectly to a stranger. I hope you understand"

Or, if you don't want to get into it:

"Hi, I'm so booked at the moment, I can't make that cake for the weekend your friend wants it."

Goodvibesonly · 19/09/2018 21:14

This is one of the main reasons why I gave up baking for people other than family.

I once had a new colleague badger me everyday for almost two weeks to bake her a cake for a relative of hers. I eventually relented and agreed a price, which was a fraction of what I would normally charge. Despite confiming the date and price numerous times, come the day of delivery, she seemed surprised that she had to pay that day. She huffed and puffed when I reminded her that it was as we agreed and she searched her bag and purse and managed to pull out £13 in change but she was still £2 short. The next day she came in with £2 in coppers.

Recently I have taken an interest in cooking. I am by no means a chef, just enjoy creating new dishes for the family. Now i am being constantly pestered by (different) colleagues to cook for them! One particular colleague has even offered to give me her tupperware container so everytime I cook, apparently I can just cook a little extra and store it away in her container for her dinner!!

Powerless · 19/09/2018 21:20

YABU. Sorry but charging your own family? Seriously? What is the big deal?

I cleaned out my friend's house for her after she had to move in a hurry. If it helps a friend or family member and/or saves them money then I would do it to show how much I cared for them.

Charging for family is disgusting, I'm sorry but it is!

PuppyMonkey · 19/09/2018 21:29

God does the CF want you to clean her house now as well?

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