To be slightly contentious and admit I find my friends boring now

[otterlygreat]

They all, without exception, have under 5s.

I’m not a complete bitch and I do get it. But just the same, when I see them, it’s largely pointless as it’s just constant interruptions from toddlers. We have to sit in soft play or parks or farms with school canteen food and high chairs. Topics of conversation are sleep and potty training. Even anything about work is linked to the kids, like the difficulty of going back part time.

As a result, I’m on my own more often than not.

The irony is when I look for things to do, everything aimed at a thirty something woman is aimed at meeting other mums!

No, if you don't have kids yourself I think that's fair enough. Friendships between people who do and don't have kids can be really hard to maintain in the early years.

I hear you!! Same with à lot of my friends so I started making new friends..

I sympathise. I belong to a friendship group of 5 and I was the last to have children.

I felt like spare part, that we had nothing in common anymore and I did find them boring.

YANBU to feel the way you do.

The children from my friends are aged between 7-11 now so my friends all have a semblance of their normal life back whereas I have a 4 year old and a baby so they no doubt find me and my farm trips pretty boring these days .

Thankfully I have about 4 colleagues at work and our children are all about the same age so I have like minded people to be boring with.

The only answer is to have a baby and become boring like the rest of us

I have older kids and find it difficult to maintain friendships with people who have younger kids.

Especially now the holidays have started. But the friendships are more important to me than my annoyance, when I can't actually get a word in.

I am happy to just ride it out. In a few years it will all be easier.

Friendships change over time. One of those things.

I was an older mum. All my friends and family were utterly bored with me and my dd having cheerfully inflicted their kids in me. Hang on in there with the ones you care about. Don't feel bad about not being into it.

Yes, I used to feel that the friendships were more important so rode it out with the first lot of children. But now no2 and in some cases no3 are on the way/here, it’s neverending. And I think that by the time the children are older, we’ll have grown apart.

If you find them dull then stop hanging around with them and make new friends... simple! I have young children and the last thing I want to talk about when I have child free time is children, and my friends (also with young children) are the same. I can’t guarantee we wouldn’t get interrupted by a toddler if it’s a day time meet up though as I don’t have much childcare and DH works away a lot.

It’s not really simple though is it dora, because making new friends is never just an easy and straightforward thing. Not because I’m not friendly and sociable but because opportunities are few, and realistically being a woman in my thirties the world believes I should have a baby.

Yes op sgree I bored myself when mine were young to be fair and I had twins after 4 older ones so was out right back into this mind numbing group again.

Needless to say I avoided baby groups as been there done thst.

You may need to ride this out, ask to see them in the evenings or make new childfree friends.

You are not a bitch other people’s chikdren are boring and other people’s small children are intolerable generally

I'm on the other side of this - the only one in my friendship group with a toddler and as your post says, all I can do is soft play etc which I really don't expect my friends to come along to, and end up spending a lot of time just me and my little boy. It's crap both ways and I feel for you!

You need to go out with them in the evening. Some of them must have husbands/partners/family who can take care of the kids for a couple of hours?

YANBU and I am one of those boring mums consumed with a potty training toddler. It is because young children really do consume your time, energy, thinking from 6am-7:30pm.

But I would suggest that you try and invite your friends out in the evening. Obviously, depends on if they have partners or support. I really appreciate having a night out with my single child free friend, even if it is just a couple of drinks in a pub or a takeaway at one of our houses. It's really good to have some adult time with a good friend and to talk about things other than the kids.

Just want to say that maybe your friends need and appreciate more than you think. And changing the meeting time and place might shift them out of mum mode.

Well no, of course it’s not simple. But if you’re unhappy with the friends you’ve got all you can realistically do is take steps to change it. Unless you’re hoping they’ll all change?

Is there no way you can meet some of them without kids involved? On a weekend meet for coffee for an hour while the kids are with their dad or another relative?

I don’t see why you’re unable to meet them alone if the babies are past being breastfed. And if your friends aren’t willing to put the effort in to get childcare once in a blue moon to see you I’d question whether they’re that arsed to see you at all tbh.

(Obvious caveat I know not everyone has another parent to share with or relatives etc but if they do, and they’re unwilling to work something out to hang out without the kids once in a while, that says a lot about how much they’re bothered about seeing you).

I’m not unhappy with them. It’s just how it is. But I don’t enjoy their company, it isn’t their fault.

And yes, you can try to make new friends but realistically that’s not really going to happen. Friendships happen over a period of time and shared experiences. It’s not something you can force.

Seeing them in the evenings is unlikely, yes, they have partners but they won’t want to leave their children.

I have a few child free friends (all in our 30’s) and I usually see them after 7pm when the DC are in bed. There’s not much I can do about daytimes though, as much as I’d like to go out without them in the day it’s a struggle due to childcare. We’ve just altered plans accordingly. Like I said, the last thing I want to talk about when I’m out without my children is children.

Then what do you think is the best course of action?

I don’t think I said there was a ‘course of action’, did I?

Why can’t they leave their kids? Assuming they arnt breastfeeding?

If they’re good friends then ride it out I guess, eventually the children will be older and they’ll be more interesting again.

No you didn’t, but I usually assume that when people are posting they’re looking for solutions? I was trying to help you find one.
Sorry if I misunderstood

because their children are more important to them than I am!

There isn’t a solution soy its just how it is.

Ok, sorry.