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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly contentious and admit I find my friends boring now

311 replies

otterlygreat · 21/07/2018 07:44

They all, without exception, have under 5s.

I’m not a complete bitch and I do get it. But just the same, when I see them, it’s largely pointless as it’s just constant interruptions from toddlers. We have to sit in soft play or parks or farms with school canteen food and high chairs. Topics of conversation are sleep and potty training. Even anything about work is linked to the kids, like the difficulty of going back part time.

As a result, I’m on my own more often than not.

The irony is when I look for things to do, everything aimed at a thirty something woman is aimed at meeting other mums!

OP posts:
Original poster
otterlygreat · 21/07/2018 08:29

nap like I say I genuinely wonder if it might just be me. It’s not really attachment parenting stuff. More the fact that going out in the evening is just not really something we’ve ever really done loads to start with so to start doing so now doesn’t really happen.

Yes we occasionally go out in the evening but it is occasional, I’m talking maybe once every two months or so if that. But being on my own, if I want to see people, I have to do the farms and the soft play stuff. I don’t know what I’m saying here really Grin

OP posts:
Seasawride · 21/07/2018 08:29

Yep they sounds really wierd bunch if none of them go out at all in the evening.

I would find them both dull and strange too op.

Original poster
otterlygreat · 21/07/2018 08:30

I don’t really go out in the evening either though so maybe I’m weird Grin

OP posts:
NapQueen · 21/07/2018 08:31

What sort of thing did you all do together pre kids?

Seasawride · 21/07/2018 08:31

Have you actually tried to arrange an evening meet up though op?

Seasawride · 21/07/2018 08:32

Well if none of you go out in the evenings it’s stale mate really isn’t it Hmm

Original poster
otterlygreat · 21/07/2018 08:34

Erm, we did all sorts I suppose. Went away quite a bit for weekends. Cinema, shopping, going to random places, concerts. I do miss it in a way but obviously those things cost money.

sea, but what I’m trying to explain is that the evening meetup isn’t the panacea you think it is ... the conversation would still revolve around children, and realistically there’s no way you can go out every week so even if we did have one evening a month out so let’s say last night ... id still have the whole weekend on my own.

OP posts:
Seasawride · 21/07/2018 08:38

Aw no I see that although I think it would be utterly dire to talk kids on an adults night out.

Honestly op I think you may need to branch out a bit! Join a club or society? You need a wider circle of friends and interests.

I know that sounds daunting but things like the WI or rotary club? Historical society? Or a hobby you are interested in? There are loads around.

MarthasGinYard · 21/07/2018 08:39

'the conversation would still revolve around children,'

This never happened with my friends and I.

My friends are all interesting folk and we are all quite like minded as in a quick token ask about 'how's dc?' Then on with the evening etc.

I couldn't be around people who just talk baby. It's fooking dull.

EmeraldVillage · 21/07/2018 08:40

You need to go find some other additional friends. I would look to join a club of some type -sports clubs are good for things to do at the weekend and can be very social, choirs, women’s institute (near me pretty young and trendy), art classes etc.

SoyDora · 21/07/2018 08:40

Have you had evenings out with them where the talk has revolved around chicken, or are you just assuming it would?
I find when I see my friends in the day time with kids the talk is often about children as they’re there! If it’s a child free evening out/in we all have a completely different mindset and talk about actual interesting things!

ElspethFlashman · 21/07/2018 08:40

YANBU.

I didn't have kids till v v late and honestly the 10 years before was very disheartening. I remember making excuses "Oh it's only for a couple of years" but then No2 would come along and No3..... And I realised the friendship was going to be on their terms forever, essentially.

One friendship never recovered. We are still "friends" but it's just a WhatsApp friendship now.

No advice really, I'm afraid. Flowers

MarthasGinYard · 21/07/2018 08:41

'and realistically there’s no way you can go out every week so even if we did have one evening a month out so let’s say last night ... id still have the whole weekend on my own.'

You need to fill some of the voids you are experiencing. I'd say this is more than about just baby talk.

BigPinkBall · 21/07/2018 08:41

I’m in a small group of friends I met at a baby group and one of them pointed out recently how nice it was that we don’t just talk about our kids all the time, and she’s right we talk about lots of things and a bit about the kids but way way less than other mums I know, I think it’s because we all have interesting jobs and avoid soft play and farm parks like the plague!

I purposely try not to talk about my kids with people who don’t have kids because I know how boring it is!

Original poster
otterlygreat · 21/07/2018 08:42

Thanks Elspeth

I think it’s just one of those that’s difficult, so much of their lives are taken up by the kids they almost literally can’t see anything else.

OP posts:
Daisymalone · 21/07/2018 08:43

Do you have a partner op?

Seasawride · 21/07/2018 08:43

Yep the WI in our village is full of 20/30s and some older of course but very much a sociable place.

JacquesHammer · 21/07/2018 08:44

but they won’t want to leave their children

Have you actually asked them?

pennycarbonara · 21/07/2018 08:44

Will they still have email conversations about other things? Email means they can answer in their own time.

People I'm friends with have always been intensely interested in other things, so I haven't experienced the "oh I have no time now to think about politics / books / music" or whatever that I've seen some people online say about friends with small children. Topics of conversation and opinions have always been more important in why I'm friends with people I am than location and activities.

Original poster
otterlygreat · 21/07/2018 08:44

The thing is big you might not think you do ... I’m sure some of mine don’t think they do. It’s not just talking “about the kids” though. It naturally sort of seeps into everything, so they might say if asked they talk about work, actually they talk about how they are working Monday Tuesday Wednesday and wanted Thursday off because of grandparents being able to help. Or they might say they were talking about the weather but they were actually talking about putting suncream on the kids. That sort of thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
otterlygreat · 21/07/2018 08:44

no daisy

OP posts:
Seasawride · 21/07/2018 08:44

And you know op it is rude for them to be talking endures kids on a night out! And boring.

It’s not you it’s them

JulianOfNorwich · 21/07/2018 08:46

YANBU - except when you say everything aimed at 30 something women is aimed at meeting other mums.

Seasawride · 21/07/2018 08:46

Would you think of branching out and joining a club etc op?

strawberrisc · 21/07/2018 08:57

I felt exactly the same as you in these situations. Bored off my tits at soft play when all they wanted to do was talk about piles and mastitis. And I was one of the mothers! 😀