To be slightly contentious and admit I find my friends boring now

[otterlygreat]

They all, without exception, have under 5s.

I’m not a complete bitch and I do get it. But just the same, when I see them, it’s largely pointless as it’s just constant interruptions from toddlers. We have to sit in soft play or parks or farms with school canteen food and high chairs. Topics of conversation are sleep and potty training. Even anything about work is linked to the kids, like the difficulty of going back part time.

As a result, I’m on my own more often than not.

The irony is when I look for things to do, everything aimed at a thirty something woman is aimed at meeting other mums!

I genuinely do not know of any clubs. And I am not sure that it would necessarily bring friendships. Something to do, yes.

A friend of mine was in a very similar situation all of her friends including me started having kids and weren't necessarily meeting up with her with our kids in tow but when we did meet up conversation did steer towards kid and she was feeling the disconnect. We've been a close group of friends for years so she felt well able to talk to us about it and we made an effort to have kid free chats and outings. Another thing she did was join groups for people with specific interests. She's really interested in art so joined a group that went to art exhibitions. We will in dublin and there are a lot of these kind of social groups around. They may not necessarily become your mates but are a good adult social outlet.

What i will say is if they're good mates hang in there their kids are small and all consuming for only a few short years and you'll get your mates back soon. Mine are older noe and I see a lot more of my friend because I'm free again to hang out at weekends because my kids want to be with their own friends now

Haha the old “what days are you working” conversation is dull as ditchwater and even as a mum if that comes up I want to scream I DON’T CARE! The thing is, is that I don’t find other people’s kids very interesting so while I’m happy to have a little chat about them if that’s all someone’s got to talk about then we’re not going to be very good friends.

We talk a lot about our jobs, one of the group is a police officer and another is a family solicitor so they’ve always got a few good stories and we talk about home improvements we’re doing/planning, holidays we’re planning, days out we’ve had so while the kids might feature as in “dd really enjoyed the food festival we went to, we saw so and so off Masterchef doing a cookery demonstration” but if it was just “dd ate 3/4 of a banana, 7 grapes and 2 spoonfuls of porridge for breakfast then I changed her nappy at 7:13am.....” then I’d lose interest pretty fast!

Google then op for your local area. Friends may not come but acquaintances and other interests may well.

And hang in there little kids grow quickly.

dd ate 3/4 of a banana, 7 grapes and 2 spoonfuls of porridge for breakfast then I changed her nappy at 7:13am.....” then I’d lose interest pretty fast!

Luckily ive never had a conversation with anyone so dull

I hear you - in my case I had much older siblings , so by the time I had ds1 their own children were early teens and they were not interested at all in mine as babies which I found hard.
Friendships can wane if your not all on the same page too. Might be best to try and arrange meet ups without the children ( if they can do this?)

@SoyDora Sadly I have, an old friend of DHs who I now actively avoid because it’s always followed by an in-depth description of the contents and texture of said nappy!

It sounds like you're feeling unhappy with your situation and left behind by your friends.

I know exactly how you feel, and it's one of the reasons I've hesitated to try for a child myself. These people who used to be so interesting now can barely hold a conversation that's about anything else. I have noticed a difference with some friends who seem to actually want to make that effort, so it really does come down to individual people.

For all those saying make new friends, it's not always that easy. And so much revolves around having kids now! I did make a new friend, and we have slowly been getting to know them as a couple. And just as I've started to feel that we could become close, they've talked about having a kid and I know it will all change.

Not to mention all the questions about when am I going to have a child and doesn't their baby make me want one of my own?

I sound defeatist but I'm not, because I'm hardly going to consign myself to a life without friends. I just wanted to post and say that you're not alone.

YANBU. My DS is 3 and I have reached the point where I bore myself - I am generally either at work or with DS, so I haven't done anything exciting for years now. Don't give up on them, but definitely think about what you enjoy, and how to meet new people to do that with.

To be honest it sounds as though you and your friends were in a comfortable rut even before the children came along, and you are a bit bored. Trying something new would shake things up at least.

I have kids my best friend doesn’t we go to gigs , theatre , out for dinner etc and only talk about my kids the odd time , some
People just get swallowed up by parenthood I love getting the odd time to talk to someone who it isn’t about my kids .

I always see the WI mentioned on Mumsnet. Where do you all live that have these young WI groups.
The one in my area seems to be exclusively for the over 70s

No it’s not easy to make new friends but you can join groups or volunteer and make pleasant acquaintances who may become friends.

My friendship group of my twenties is totally different to the friends I have now in my 50s.

You move on and make new friends and keep a few old ones.

I think some of the posts are very well meaning.

But ‘well, I love having time away from the kids / talking to someone about things not related to the kids’ in some ways sort of clarifies the issue. A friendship isn’t a sort of holiday from yourself and friends aren’t an entertainment show away from the mundaneness of family life. If you’re going to have a good friendship you need to talk about your kids as otherwise you’re blocking your friend from a hugely important part of your life and if it’s a good friendship that isn’t possible or practical.

On the other hand, when children are always there, things revolve around them. So I don’t know really.

Yeah wi isn’t a thing round here. I did some voluntary work 2016/17 but I didn’t find it enjoyable and I didn’t find it expanded my social circle at all.

Missillusioned

Worcestershire. Loads around full of 30s/40s/50s.. I think there’s a lot of myths around about the WI from the past.

Sport?
Book groups?

Yeah, I mean, I hope the thread doesn’t turn into ordering me to do stuff, I do plenty. That’s not what I mean really.

If you’re going to have a good friendship you need to talk about your kids as otherwise you’re blocking your friend from a hugely important part of your life and if it’s a good friendship that isn’t possible or practical

Well yes, but you’ve said yourself that you don’t want to talk about your friends kids. So no one can really win in this scenario can they?

Yeah, I mean, I hope the thread doesn’t turn into ordering me to do stuff, I do plenty. That’s not what I mean really

I’m sensing your friends kids may not be the problem here

I was responding to other posts there soy, from people who said they never spoke about their children.

To be honest I don’t mind talking about the kids ... the problem is that firstly I’m just a sort of passive watcher, I never get asked anything and if I do it gets flipped round to children quickly and also a lot of the time the children are actually not just being spoken about but are actually there and you can’t have a good chat against a backdrop of rampaging two year olds.

Yeah I’m a cunt, thanks jacques.

Ok

Yeah I’m a cunt, thanks jacques

Well I didn’t think that before. NOW, however.

I used to take part in a casual tennis group two nights a week, mixed sex & mixed ability. I was the only person in the group who had children & enjoyed getting away from parenting. Anything like that appeal to you? Doing something you enjoy will help you meet compatible friends.