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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to disagree on being too old to be a mum

625 replies

thefinn · 08/07/2018 00:33

I guess that's pretty much it. DH and I have been happily married for a decade now, were together for five years before marrying. We are happy as it is with our pets but I would love to be a mum. I get down however anytime if I mention this to family and friends however. They all feel we are too old, both having turned 34 this summer... it makes me sad but a part of me feels I am being U and maybe everyone has a point.So wwyd?

OP posts:
NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 08/07/2018 00:34

I’m 37 and pregnant 🤷🏻‍♀️

madcatladyforever · 08/07/2018 00:34

34 too old? That's nuts, its perfectly normal. 50 is too old.

TooMuchSunshine · 08/07/2018 00:35

I'm 35. Just had second dc.
Soo much easier this time around! Everything is so much more enjoyable

GrumpyInsomniac · 08/07/2018 00:35

I had DS when I was 34. I've had friends who gave birth in their forties. You're fine :)

SchrodingersCaterpillar · 08/07/2018 00:35

That’s ridiculous! Definitely not too old. I had my first at 33 and was one of the youngest in my NCT group, the eldest being 42! Go for it.

CherryPavlova · 08/07/2018 00:35

They are ridiculous. Plenty of women leave starting a family until they are in their thirties. I wouldn’t leave it much longer as fertility starts plummeting around 35.

condepetie · 08/07/2018 00:35

I am 30 this year and not even close to being ready to be a mum. If I ever have kids it will be when I'm mid-thirties or older.

You are not too old.

I know a great deal of women who became first-time mums in their 40s and they are excellent mothers. Your age has nothing to do with how good a mum you will be.

Go for it.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 08/07/2018 00:35

You’re 34,that’s not old to be a parent. Astonishing How unsupportive family are
So crack on, have fun ttc

Jamiefraserskilt · 08/07/2018 00:36

35 and 39. 34 is not too old!

ShirleyPhallus · 08/07/2018 00:36

What the actual fuck is wrong with people? Complete turds of friends if they’re telling you to not have children at 34 ffs

pleasegotowork · 08/07/2018 00:36

I was 30 having my first and was 40 when my second was born. Dh was 48 when dd was born. You're too old when your body says you're too old. At 34 you've time to have 2 or 3!

Oddcat · 08/07/2018 00:37

I had my first child at 34 ! Absolutely not too old , especially these days.

AornisHades · 08/07/2018 00:37

34? Average age of my NCT group was about 34.

SachaStark · 08/07/2018 00:38

Definitely not too old. Is it a reflection of your surroundings, OP? I feel a lot of pressure to have a child soon, though I'm not ready yet. But at 28, most of my friends and family have mostly completed, or at least started their family. I've certainly had comments about DH and I leaving it "very late" Hmm

ijustwannadance · 08/07/2018 00:39

My baby is asleep next to me. I'm 40.

Do you want a baby? Yes.
Does your DH want a baby?

What the fuck has it got to do with anyone else???!!

You have just turned 34 ffs. I was expecting you to say 44.

Zcarter · 08/07/2018 00:40

I am 32 had my first 10 days ago will hopefully have my second 34/35 xx

BeefyCakes · 08/07/2018 00:41

I'm 33 and am nowhere near ready to have children, that is years off. Whoever told you that is as stupid as they thick.

Lisabel · 08/07/2018 00:42

Having kids in your 30s is the norm for educated (and/or) career women now.

20s was probably more common in your parents' day.

34 is not even considered an older mother from a medical perspective!

French2019 · 08/07/2018 00:43

How odd. I'd have thought 34 is a great age to have a baby. In fact, I'd say 30-35ish is ideal. Under 30 would have been too young for me, by late 30s, I'd have been worrying about declining fertility.

I was 32 when dd was born. 34 is totally within the "normal" range.

Original poster
thefinn · 08/07/2018 00:44

Thank you everyone for these lovely messages! My own mum had me at 18 and today we met at a family gathering. I guess it got to me being told my time is up and no way do I have energy for a child. Thank you all for such a lovely welcome to mumsnet xxx

OP posts:
Timeisslippingaway · 08/07/2018 00:44

I was expecting you to say you were late 40's. 34 is fine to have a baby, infact lots of people leave it until then.

Sunbeam18 · 08/07/2018 00:48

Isn't 34 about average age?? I was 40 when my son was born.

ParkheadParadise · 08/07/2018 00:48

I thought you were going to say you were 50GrinGrin.
34 isn't old.
I had my first at 15 and my second at 38. With Dd2 I did feel old (surprise pregnancy) because I believed i was well past having babies. I was nearly 20 weeks when I found outBlush.
Go for it.

Pastaagain78 · 08/07/2018 00:52

34 was the average age of my nct group

Original poster
thefinn · 08/07/2018 00:55

You all made me feel soo much better about this all. I have been crying all night after what was said. Mainly it was my own mum who has been complaining about not having grandchildren for years and years... until today when she told me "you are too old anyway". It really felt bad, maybe even more because of multiple miscarriages. I'm sorry for any stupid mistakes I have made as English is my second language.

OP posts: