AIBU to disagree on being too old to be a mum

[thefinn]

I guess that's pretty much it. DH and I have been happily married for a decade now, were together for five years before marrying. We are happy as it is with our pets but I would love to be a mum. I get down however anytime if I mention this to family and friends however. They all feel we are too old, both having turned 34 this summer... it makes me sad but a part of me feels I am being U and maybe everyone has a point.So wwyd?

[balljuggla]

Oh sweetheart, that's awful that it reduced you to tears. I had my first earlier this year at 34. Energy wise I think I find it easier than I would have done in my 20s! You have plenty of time, as others have said it's very normal now to start a family at our age!

[Bellagio40]

I was 39 when I had my first baby and 42 when my second was born. They are now 17 and 14 and it's been great so far.

Go for it. You probably have time to have at least 2 if you want.

[Frogletmamma]

34 is not too old unless maybe you were planning 10 kids. I had mine at 33. By she is 18 I will be 51. What is wrong with that?

[chumbawumbawumba]

You're close to being too old.

It's probably unwoke to point out that your fertility's about to plummet and the chances of having a child with severe health problems will rocket but that doesn't mean it isn't true.

[SJN71]

I just had my first at 45 so........

You are the ideal age. I wish it had happened for me around that time but unfortunately not. I think I'm doing pretty well with my little one and it's wonderful. They are being ridiculous :-)

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Your mother is being horrible. How can you stand to be around her? You need to tell the woman to SHUT UP.

I’m so sorry about the miscarriages. Are you having good care and investigations? If you want information on what might be causing you to lose the baby there are a lot of women on here, who will share their experiences. You would need to post a new thread with a specific title and include the word miscarriage.

My mother was the same about me not conceiving and only having dd the one dd. Except it just didn’t happen, years of ttc and no pregnancy. I had ivf and have been incredibly ill ever since. In hindsight I needed my whole reproductive system looked at as I had a progressive undiagnosed medical condition for which I’ve just had a hysterectomy. She even bitched about me leaving it too late 3 years ago to my friend. I was 37 when I had dd and we’d been trying since I was about 30. No compassion for my health as I’ve been disabled since before dd was born.

[Apehouse]

I had my first at 33 and my last at 42, with three more in between. Mid-thirties for your first is normal these days.

[VickieCherry]

Too old? Most of my friends had their first at 33/34. One is 36 and pregnant with her first now, some of the rest are pregnant with second.

I don't know anyone who (intentionally) had a baby before 25.

[ProseccoPoppy]

Average for my NCT group. I was younger (late 20s) due to circumstances (a medical condition) that meant we did not want to delay ttc - but would otherwise have chosen to start our family in my early - mid 30s. If we are lucky enough to have a third I’m likely to be about your age. Honestly that is a really normal age for women with a career and/or who went to university. Most people I know would be far more about having a baby at 18 (which is not normal at all in my friendship circle) than at 34. Sorry to hear about your losses and hope you are getting the help you need.

[BrexitWife]

34????
Even on NHS standards you wouldn’t be an older mum.

When you said you wouod be too old, I was expecting something like 42 or 44yo!!

[MountainPeakGeek]

unhappyhusbandunhappyfather - I hope that was a typo... 63?? WTF?!

OP You are not too old by a long stretch. 34 must be pretty much average, I would have thought?

[theforceisstrong]

Jeez most of my friends were at least early thirty's with number one and as most school mums are similar ages I would say it's the norm - not too old at all

[ThePinkOcelot]

34?!! I thought you were going to say mid 40s. I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous!
Don’t listen to them, they’re talking crap.

I had my first at 33 and second at 36. I certainly didn’t feel old st the school gates. In fact there was just a handful I would say that were younger.

[londonrach]

I was 41 when i had dd (my first). Id say everyone is older than 34 (but one person whos in her20s) having their first dc in my friendship group. 34 is About the right age to have dc. Doesnt matter what are you are its if you and dh want them

[knockknockknock]

63? Please tell me that's a typo 😱

[LadyRochfordsHoickedGusset]

Definitely not too old. Maybe your relatives and friends worry about fertility dropping which it does in your thirties. The probably have your best interests at heart.

[LadyRochfordsHoickedGusset]

*they

[Oysterbabe]

34 is pretty average for a first baby. I got pregnant with my 2 at 34 and 36.

[AmyLou14]

I’m pregnant at 30 and feel far too young!!

[Caribbeanyesplease]

YANBU to want/have a child at 35

YABU to be an adult of 34 asking if you’re too old when surely you know biologically - you’re not and socially - you’re not (there are first time mums in their mid thirties everywhere. Pick up any celeb mag and they all seem to be pregnant in their late thirties/early forties

[whitechocolatespaceegg]

Nonsense! I had my first at 32 and just had my third at 41. There's nothing like being a mum. Hope it happens for you soon xx

[Drycleanonly7]

I was 41. Am 45 now and am going to try for another..Realise I am pushing it now though!

[userabcname]

No way is 34 too old. I am 30 and had my DS last year- I felt positively young on the ward! Only 1 of my friends has had a baby. I will probably have another around 34 too. Go for it!

[43percentburnt]

34! I thought you were going to say 54!

Sadly people feel it’s their right to comment on such things. Dh and I always joke that 27 years 3 weeks and 1 day is the perfect time to have a baby in many interfering peoples eyes. 1 day younger and you are criticised for been a young mum, 1 day older and you are treated as being too old!

None of their business.

[AmIRightOrAMeringue]

Agree with everyone else. I think the average age for childbirth is 30 these days so 34 isn't a million miles from average. I had my first at 34 as did a few of my friends. Second at 37. I wouldn't leave it longer as for example if you want 2 with a 3 year age gap and takes 6 months to conceive you could be having the second at 38 /39 when fertility may be more of an issue. In my nct group of 8 I was roughly in take so he middle - ages ranged 27 - 42!