AIBU to disagree on being too old to be a mum

[thefinn]

I guess that's pretty much it. DH and I have been happily married for a decade now, were together for five years before marrying. We are happy as it is with our pets but I would love to be a mum. I get down however anytime if I mention this to family and friends however. They all feel we are too old, both having turned 34 this summer... it makes me sad but a part of me feels I am being U and maybe everyone has a point.So wwyd?

[whitechocolatespaceegg]

I'm so sorry about your miscarriages. I hope you're getting appropriate support. I had 3 before having my daughter and my GP referred me to a gynaecologist. Last time I looked, Tommy's were doing research on treatment to prevent miscarriage. Might be worth checking out. Don't give up heart xx

[AmIRightOrAMeringue]

*in the middle

[MysteriesOfTheOrganism]

34? Yeah, you should be sitting in a comfy chair with your slippers on, sipping Horlicks and making your funeral arrangements, as your life is obviously nearly over...

[neveradullmoment99]

I had my last at 43. No not old at all.

[Lostalldirection]

I'm 45 and pregnant! Granted it has taken us by surprise but my other two children are only 3 and 21 months.

What would your family/friends think of me? :)

[Tobebythesea]

I had my first at 32. Going to start trying again now at 34. I asked my Doctor if she thought 34/35 was too old last week and she laughed. She said that’s young for the women she sees.

[bellinisurge]

Baby at 41. Got pregnant within 5 weeks of trying. 34 too old? Utter bollocks.

[AmIRightOrAMeringue]

Forgot to add - you're not classed as an older mum in the NHS until you're over 40

[Pengggwn]

Most women at 34 will conceive with little difficulty and carry the pregnancy successfully to term (my only point with the latter being that miscarriage is more common as we age). 34 is a perfectly reasonable time to have a baby.

[Pleasegodgotosleep]

I didn't even meet my husband until I was 35!! We had our first little girl just before I turned 37 and I'm 3 weeks away from delivering our second - just before I turn 40 in Nov!!!

[Clairetree1]

No, you're fine. But if you want to have a baby, start trying. You still have several years of baby-making ahead of you

you don't know this.

This is a lovely thread, full of encouragement and hope, but whilst these sorts of threads are very well meaning, they can be dangerously misleading

A significant number of women are too old to have a baby by 35.

Without an investigation into ovarian reserve, you can't possibly tell if that is you or not.

Unfortunately these things are not up to us, we don't get to choose when fertility starts to decline, and we don't get any warning either.

Long internet threads reassuring women that they can choose to have babies into their 40s gives a false impression.

Some women can, women women can't.

[VladmirsPoutine]

34 isn't too old for anything, not least having a baby. My life would have been ruined had I had a child in my 20s.

[Sunnyjac]

34?! Had my first at 35, second at 36 and last at 40.

[wafflethewonderdog]

I only met my DH when I was 35. Had DD1 when I was 37 and DD2 at 39. It's old compared to some (some of my FB friends from school are grandparents at 40 😱) but I wouldn't change anything x

[1derwoman]

I had my first child at 38 and my second at 40. You are definitely not too old,

[Gemi33]

This is something that has been on my mind lately. I have just turned 35 and I am starting to accept that I will never have children. I am heartbroken. I am single and haven't dated anyone in a long time so for me I think it won't happen. However you are in a relationship so I think if you want children then of course it's not too late,

xx

[BitchQueen90]

Not old at all if it's what you want!

I wouldn't have children at that age but I had mine young (22) and not everyone would want to have children at the age I did either. It's your life.

[WindyWednesday]

My neighbour had a baby at 47 and a friend of mine had her second at 44.

[WhirlingTurkey]

My Grandma was 46 when she had my mum (70 years ago!). My mum was 36 when she had me. I'm 34 now and pregnant with my second DC. The people who told you you are too old are either ignorant, or being completely unkind on purpose for some reason. Unless you come from a cultural background where its more usual to have babies very young, like your mum did? Although still it's not true, you aren't too young to have a baby if you want one. Please ignore idiots who say that to you in future!

[MynameisJune]

34 is not too old at all, but I would caution that if you do want children then I’d start seriously thinking about it.

You mention multiple miscarriages so I assume you’re not on contraception, but have you been to the GP? Have you have any investigations? These things take time, often a year or more from initial appointment to getting to IVF through the NHS if that’s what you need.

I know this because that’s the journey we’re on, I had DD at 31. Now we’re struggling with secondary unexplained infertility. So even if you manage DC1 without issues then DC2 or more might not be so easy. You just never know.

Whilst I wouldn’t advocate anyone has children before they feel ready, I also would caution people not to wait too long. Fertility does start to drop after 35. And for all the women on here who’ve had babies into their 40’s you’ll find just as many who can’t have babies in their 30’s. The problem is you’ll just never know which camp your in, until your in it.

[vampirethriller]

I'm 36 and my first is due at the end of October. My youngest brother was born when my mum was 41. You're not too old!

[Igneococcus]

I had my first at 38 and my second 6 weeks before my 42nd birthday.
No problems conceiving or during pregnancy and birth. I might have dealt with interrupted sleep a little better a decade earlier but it wasn't a big issue really.

[greendale17]

Nowadays 34 is the norm

[Juells]

My mother was 43 when I was born.

[donquixotedelamancha]

They all feel we are too old, both having turned 34 this summer.

Ahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha......no.

Had our first at 35, second at 37, as I pass 40 people keep asking when we will have number 3. I know people who had theirs at 50.

Kids are fab- get on with it.