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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to disagree on being too old to be a mum

625 replies

thefinn · 08/07/2018 00:33

I guess that's pretty much it. DH and I have been happily married for a decade now, were together for five years before marrying. We are happy as it is with our pets but I would love to be a mum. I get down however anytime if I mention this to family and friends however. They all feel we are too old, both having turned 34 this summer... it makes me sad but a part of me feels I am being U and maybe everyone has a point.So wwyd?

OP posts:
TheHulksPurplePanties · 08/07/2018 07:38

Your Mum is mad. I had my first at 31 and my second at 34 and DH has been hinting at number 3 at 38, but it's not bloody likely

SpeckledyHen · 08/07/2018 07:41

Too old at 34 !!!
I had mine at 39 and 6 months and the second 2 months before my 42 nd birthday . Best thing ever in my life and we celebrate my youngest’s 21st today .

whymewhyme · 08/07/2018 07:42

34 isn't old!! Woman are having babies well into their 40's! If you want a baby crack on!!

vdbfamily · 08/07/2018 07:42

Really?????

I married at 34 and now have DD15 DS13 and DD11. My youngest I had when 38. I did not want to be pregnant in my 40's but do not consider £$ to be old at all!!! Weird. Were they all child brides or something???

WilburIsSomePig · 08/07/2018 07:44

Blimey I thought you were going to say you were 55 or something! I had my first at 37 and second at 39 - you are nowhere near too old!

Silverstreaks · 08/07/2018 07:44

I was just shy of 41 when I had DD so it can be done but as PPs have said the earlier you start the more chance you have.
You say English is your second language. It sounds like a cultural difference with regard to the perceived optimal time to have children. Once upon a time in the UK it was the norm to start your family around 20 but that just isn't the case anymore.
If you want to start a family get cracking.

Tjzmummabear · 08/07/2018 07:46

I had my eldest @23. My 2nd @ 31. my 3rd @ 35. The Consultant called me geriatric. I glared and said "How rude!". I teach - nothing scares me. He apologised profusely.

He then chatted up the MW during my C-section. She was so after his car!

Tjzmummabear · 08/07/2018 07:46

PS my Aunt & cousin were 42 when they had their first

Labradoodliedoodoo · 08/07/2018 07:49

You’re only 34!!!!! Your mum has skewered ideas. All my mates started having babies that age.

Beebiesandcheebies · 08/07/2018 07:50

No you are not too old!

Penguin34 · 08/07/2018 07:50

I'm 35 and my husband is 50, I'm currently 29 weeks pregnant.

To be honest I only felt 'old enough' to have a baby a year ago.
Now I'm so not stressed about her coming.
All my ducks are in a line, our businesses are in a great place, 6 years married, bought a big house, big car, got the doggy, been on lots of nice holidays, built my businesss yo over 10 years, done great things with my friends etc etc - all of that wouldn't have happened if we'd had a baby younger.
I know who I am and I actually feel ready. Everyone says there isn't a 'right time' but I feel for us there is and it wasn't until this age that we got there!

Now I'm not saying that the above is the right way to do things and people who don't are wrong but it feels good in my head if you know what I mean.

My parents have been the same, 'Jokes' about not having grandchildren all the time and it never happening, which someone's sounded more like snide comments and it royally fucked me off, it's out of order

Penguin34 · 08/07/2018 07:52

Also I fell pregnant the second month we tried (sadly mc) then had a month off and fell the next month we tried.
I was v impressed with my hubs 50 year old sperm haha

TypicallyNorthern · 08/07/2018 07:52

34 is definitely NOT too old. I had my first at 35 and second at 39. The only thing I would say though is don't leave it till you are 40-45. I am going through the menopause now and it is a bitch juggling small children and really bad hormone swings.

LotsToThinkOf · 08/07/2018 07:54

I don't know why anyone would put that idea in your head - 34??? The comments on here aren't in isolation either, none of my friends had children until well into their 30s, I was 30, 33 and we're considering DC3 at 36 - nothing odd about that at all!

People have different priorities in life than they had years ago, and very few families can rely on one wage like our parents did so women have been busy carving out careers and having an independent life before having children. I know I did, I'm so glad I had the whole of my teens and 20s to do what I liked, I made a great career that I'll go back to eventually and did exactly what I wanted to before having DC.

Biologically, women are able to have children until their bodies say no, it's not really up to the "I had my children when I was 15 and 18" brigade. We're very quick to defend young mothers in our society when people comment on their life choices (and so we should be of course) but we should also afford the same defence to women who are judged for having DC later in life. It's just no one's business.

But I've never heard "you're too old" for someone who is 34!

MaryShelley1818 · 08/07/2018 07:55

34 is not even remotely too old!
I’m 40 and have my 7mth old baby bouncing around the bed next to me!
We haven’t ruled out a sibling for him either.

DroningOn · 08/07/2018 07:56

Was expecting a discussion about being 50+. 34 is normal these days

VanGoghsLeftEar · 08/07/2018 07:57

My friend had her second baby when she was 42. You are not too old!

Cheby · 08/07/2018 07:57

I’m 37 and breastfeeding my 1yo DD2 as I type this. We are debating DC3 now. Age isn’t a factor in ththe debate...just time and money. We conceived immediately with both kids. Being over 35 did not impact my fertility at all.

eurochick · 08/07/2018 07:58

Definitely not too old. Around average in my group of friends. I was 34 when we started ttc and had my daughter at 38 (infertility). I would have liked my first at about 35 and another a couple of years later ideally.

I think the age you see as "normal" for having children depends on your social circle. Most of my friends are in the professions so by the time they had done uni plus additional training they were in mid to late 20s so by the time they had worked a few years and were in a position to have a child, they were into their 30s. I can only think of one friend who was in her 20s when she had her first.

mumsastudent · 08/07/2018 07:59

Daft - women these days forget that when their grandmas & great grandmas had their big families they cont having children until menopause. Often the youngest child would be same age as their niece or nephew! These days you are often fitter & healthier & younger seeming then they were too. & for goodness sake 34 is fine - don't listen to them

JustDanceAddict · 08/07/2018 07:59

Def not too old!

Turquoisesea · 08/07/2018 08:00

I had my first at 34 & 2nd at 38. You’re not too old at all. Where I live all the school mums had their DC around a similar age to me. I didn’t feel like at old mum at all!

BigCarrot · 08/07/2018 08:00

33 and just had my first, in hospital most people were around the same age as me if not older!

SawyerThackery · 08/07/2018 08:01

I was 30yrs when I had my ds. I am one of the younger mums of all his friends’ parents.
Go for it!

BounceAndClimb · 08/07/2018 08:01

I'd say 28-32 is the average so you're only 2 years above that. 40+ is an older mum, but even that's not 'too old'.

Possibly they're projecting that it would be too old for them, but that doesn't mean it is for you, just like 20's might the the right age for them but too young for you.