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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be embarrassed by BIL and SILs kids in restaurant

186 replies

LittleMermaidRose · 21/05/2018 08:38

We were out for a family dinner last night, in laws brought their two kids age 5 and 2.

Oh my goodness it was dreadful! Youngest kid was hammering her toys off the table, lots of screaming. Oldest running around the restaurant, shouting, demanding to watch Peppa Pig, which she was eventually allowed to watch (very loudly) on her mother's phone.

That's the only time they acknowledged their kids. MIL tried her best to swap 2yo's toys for a soft book, parents just drank their wine.

FIL left early! I think he had had enough.

I know kids make noise & they were probably a bit bored, but it's the fact that the parents thought it was ok to disrupt the whole restaurant.

People were staring at us, it was so embarrassing.
I didn't feel it was my place to say something to them and I have anxiety so I found the whole situation really difficult.

My stress levels do heighten due to my anxiety, so perhaps I'm overreacting.

AIBU???

OP posts:
KitanaKay · 21/05/2018 08:40

I would be embarrassed too. Kids in restaurants is fine but a certain degree of effort from the parents to minimise disruption would be appropriate.

bazingabazinga · 21/05/2018 08:41

YANBU.

I have a 4 year old and they are not allowed to do that in a restaurant and never have been.

GeordieGirl233 · 21/05/2018 08:41

YANBU I absolutely hate this type of behaviour from badly behaved children and their fucking ignorant parents, it's half the reason I rarely go out for meals these days as everywhere seems to have turned into a crèche. If you can't be arsed to discipline your sprogs fine your problem but don't force your lifestyle choices on the rest of us.

lightcola · 21/05/2018 08:43

What time was the meal? My kids of similar age wouldn’t appreciate an evening meal in a restaurant so I probably wouldn’t have taken them. If there was no choice though I would have provided toys that were suitable for the situation (colouring, headphones, quiet toys). It wasn’t the children’s fault, it was the parents. Maybe next time meet somewhere more child friendly.

pasturesgreen · 21/05/2018 08:43

I'm not surprised people were staring!

Perhaps it's time to put family dinners out on hold for a few years, until the DC are a bit older and better behaved?

WorraLiberty · 21/05/2018 08:46

Did anyone actually say anything?

Ellendegeneres · 21/05/2018 08:48

I’d have complained or left. That’s horrendous, my two are the same age and the eldest knows to sit nicely (and he’s got additional needs) but likes to talk incessantly 😂 and the youngest wants to ‘talk’ to everyone. I’d have kept it to a quick meal for them and an early one before taking them somewhere they could run off their energy. Anything else is inconsiderate to everyone else around them and their own kids.
I wouldn’t be in a hurry to eat with them again in public. It’s not the kids fault, it’s their parents

MeinNameistMud · 21/05/2018 08:48

YADNBU and honestly anyone who says otherwise is advocating poor parenting and wanky social behaviour.

It's not unreasonable for children of that age to not handle being in a restaurant, though I'd expect a 4 year old to. It's very unreasonable to put them in that situation if they won't behave however, even more so to not do something about it.

GabsAlot · 21/05/2018 09:01

urgh i dread this-if you cant even manage to have youre kids sit down at least then dont bring them

other diners shouldnt have to put up with screaming kids running round

Oysterbabe · 21/05/2018 09:03

Yanbu.
Did you try and help? Play with the 2 year old? I think parents can become a bit numb to their child's behaviour and forget what's acceptable.

BarefootMe · 21/05/2018 09:06

What were they even doing taking a 2 year old out to a dinner at night?

Petalflowers · 21/05/2018 09:06

The parents should have done something sooner. No child should be allowed to run around a restaurant, or make unacceptable noise.

Secretmum41 · 21/05/2018 09:09

YABU for being embarrassed by the kids .... they’re 5 and 2, its not their fault - they should be parented and kept in check.

You should be embarrassed by their PARENTS!

Deshasafraisy · 21/05/2018 09:09

lightcola
That behaviour shouldn’t be tolerated in “child friendly” restaurants either.
Kids need to be taught how to behave in all restaurants.

Flyme21 · 21/05/2018 09:11

"Did you try and help? Play with the 2 year old?"
Why the hell should she? Maybe she wanted to enjoy her meal? Why would you give the message to parents that if they ignore their children someone else will absolve them of responsibility?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 21/05/2018 09:12

YANBU. Its not fair on the other diners or the staff. We have friends who say they are "doing Gentle Parenting" but this seems to translate as allowing their kids to do whatever they want and not telling them off, ever. We avoid going out for meals with them now as their 4 year old will be running around, smearing his food all over the table, shouting etc while our 4 year old sits there looking at us as if to say "how come he's getting away with this??" Grin
I do find it embarrassing and have to fight the urge to apologise to other diners on their behalf but they seem oblivious.

Jaxinthebox · 21/05/2018 09:13

I would have been embarrassed in case anyone thought the children were mine! Its the parents fault, not the children.
YANBU but you either say something to them or not...

Walkaboutwendy · 21/05/2018 09:13

You seem to have a problem with small children OP. Wasn't it you who was getting annoyed by your neighbour's young kids too? Hmm

MarshaBradyo · 21/05/2018 09:15

Yanbu

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 21/05/2018 09:16

I'm not going to lie, that could be my DS (3) or, in fact, any of his friends. So for me it depends on the restaurant - if you were in Giraffe at 6pm then I think YABU, but if you were dining somewhere fancy at 8pm then YANBU and the parents shouldn't have brought them.

Pressuredrip · 21/05/2018 09:17

I can't tell from your post if you are being unreasonable or not. A 2 year old will not be placated with a soft book ffs. And banging on the table how long did that go on for? If it was brief, and the getting up and moving around was brief you are being unreasonable. They bought toys with them shows they planned ahead. Children aren't adults and shouldn't be expected to behave like them. What type of restaurant was it? Fancy or a family pub? I fancy, who on earth chose it when there was children to consider? There seems to be a lot of children hating and parent shaming on Mumsnet lately. I thought this was predominantly a parenting site. Do you have children OP, if so how old?

Pressuredrip · 21/05/2018 09:19

Cross posted with the fancy restaurant question Grin

LakieLady · 21/05/2018 09:19

I don't know how you kept quiet OP, I certainly couldn't have done.
I'd have been mortified. What were they thinking?

My SIL used to be like that, I only had to ask her to keep her middle son under control once, because everyone in the restaurant was staring at us. The next couple of times he kicked off when out, she took him straight outside and read him the riot act. He stopped acting up after that.

If I'd been one of those diners, I'd have come over and asked them to control their kids, and if they didn't, I'd have cancelled my order and explained why I was leaving.

Mind you, I'm biased. Our DGD is such a greedy little madam, she concentrates on her food and loves to eat properly with the grown ups.

theymademejoin · 21/05/2018 09:21

@Tawdrylocalbrouhaha - if you were in Giraffe at 6pm then I think YABU

That sort of behaviour is unacceptable at any time in any restaurant. I'm also referring to the behaviour of the parents who made no effort to stop the children or remove them from the restaurant until they calmed down.

@Walkaboutwendy - you seem to have a problem with small children. I think most people would have a problem with this behaviour!

JingsMahBucket · 21/05/2018 09:22

@Walkaboutwendy

You seem to have a problem with small children OP. Wasn't it you who was getting annoyed by your neighbour's young kids too? hmm

Maybe a lot of the small kids in her immediate life are actually brats? That’s not really the OP’s fault, is it?

Also, it doesn’t matter when parents take their kids out to dinner. That behaviour is unacceptable at any time of day.

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