To be embarrassed by BIL and SILs kids in restaurant

[LittleMermaidRose]

We were out for a family dinner last night, in laws brought their two kids age 5 and 2.

Oh my goodness it was dreadful! Youngest kid was hammering her toys off the table, lots of screaming. Oldest running around the restaurant, shouting, demanding to watch Peppa Pig, which she was eventually allowed to watch (very loudly) on her mother's phone.

That's the only time they acknowledged their kids. MIL tried her best to swap 2yo's toys for a soft book, parents just drank their wine.

FIL left early! I think he had had enough.

I know kids make noise & they were probably a bit bored, but it's the fact that the parents thought it was ok to disrupt the whole restaurant.

People were staring at us, it was so embarrassing.
I didn't feel it was my place to say something to them and I have anxiety so I found the whole situation really difficult.

My stress levels do heighten due to my anxiety, so perhaps I'm overreacting.

AIBU???

My friend is like this, just lets her kids run riot. I don’t go to public places her anymore with kids in tow.

@blacklister
Yes exactly!
And it can be difficult to engage a child in conversation for so long but this is where the in laws come in handy, extra people with extra topics and a renewed interest to keep the kids happy AND to give the parents a break!

I’m always sceptical about the ‘my children never did that because I never allowed it’ approach. If they never did it you were just lucky on that front.

I find that things you have to actually teach take a looooooong time. And for a great chunk of that time you’re just saying things in the hope that they will take in the future. Just setting up the good behaviour for when they’re able to actually do it. Toddlers have no idea about regulating their own volume but I do say ‘let’s be nice and quiet’ etc. I’ve never had any success with ‘stop shouting, be quiet or I will take this away’.

I do not take my kids out to eat because of this, this is how they behave
(one has autism and one ADHD). I wouldn't put other families through the trauma!

Surely the best approach is somewhere in the middle? We always minimise taking DCs out because of the Ling waits, unhealthy food and unrealistic expectations but when the in-laws insist we go and bring activity books, reading books and yes, spare phones. When adults insist on taking 2 hours over a meal and don’t actually make the conversation child-friendly it is now t fair to expect the kids to sit quietly and listen for all that time. We generally allow books before the food arrives and after pudding. In the meantime (while the food is here) we eat and chat. Seems to work. No running around or being loud.

I think part of the issue is that for the parents all this noise has become "background noise". I realise sometimes that this is me when I meet with some childless friend. What for me has turned to be standard voice volume, they find shocking. I was like that before having children too, so I do recognise it's a problem and I try to stop it there and then, but more often than not this has resulted in just not meeting childless friends out of school hours, or going to very child-free fly places where you are showered with crayons, activity books and WiFi for the tablet. If my kids tried to run around the place that was a huge no-no. They ended up in highchairs instead of a normal chair if they attempted to run, so that would at least contain them. Banging toys, quite normal for some children, so I'd only take my own crayons and colouring books just in case.

I completely understand your shock, but I sympathize with the parents too. I really crave adult conversations and being able to be part of a table where adults are sipping their drink and enjoying their time. I bet it's the combination of wanting to do this plus not actually realising how loud it was. Believe me, that constant noise eventually numbs you, and what might look like parents ignoring children might be parents having developed a filter for children's noise where only urgent screams are taken notice of.

Sorry, I just bumped a zombie thread!! :(

Kids that know their parents won’t discipline them in public act worse than those that get the same consequences as they would at home.

Leave, time out, take them away from other diners and make no allowances for being in public.

I was at an event yesterday evening after 8. There were toddlers and older children running about screaming amongst various hazards. It was a totally child-unfriendly environment and I was thinking about insurance. Who is responsible if there's an accident?

Parents were chatting, on phone or gently telling their child to leave the nice lady alone every few fucking minutes. I did not feel like a nice lady.

Why is ANY bad behaviour like this tolerated anytime? None of the kids in my family have behaved like this when taken out. There's been the odd tantrum, but this got dealt with swiftly.

Too many parents seem to think it is the rest of world's responsibility to put up with bad behaviour because they can't be bothered to control it.

You would be drinking wine if you had to deal with it every day trust me.

You sound incredibly judgemental and not remotely helpful. My dc are (mostly) impeccably behaved, however we have ALL had evenings when it has gone to shit. The dc are over tired, over stimulated, coming down with something could be anything. We have ALL been there when we wish we could just stand up and go home. Maybe the parents were so dog tired they were past caring.

Either way I very doubt they will want to have dinner with YOU again, I am sure they can do without the endless judging and silent looks. Well done you