To be embarrassed by BIL and SILs kids in restaurant

[LittleMermaidRose]

We were out for a family dinner last night, in laws brought their two kids age 5 and 2.

Oh my goodness it was dreadful! Youngest kid was hammering her toys off the table, lots of screaming. Oldest running around the restaurant, shouting, demanding to watch Peppa Pig, which she was eventually allowed to watch (very loudly) on her mother's phone.

That's the only time they acknowledged their kids. MIL tried her best to swap 2yo's toys for a soft book, parents just drank their wine.

FIL left early! I think he had had enough.

I know kids make noise & they were probably a bit bored, but it's the fact that the parents thought it was ok to disrupt the whole restaurant.

People were staring at us, it was so embarrassing.
I didn't feel it was my place to say something to them and I have anxiety so I found the whole situation really difficult.

My stress levels do heighten due to my anxiety, so perhaps I'm overreacting.

AIBU???

kateandme, the fact that a 2yo plays up in a restaurant is not a sign that "something has gone wrong": it's a contingency that you plan for so you can work around it with the minimum level of upheaval to the people around you

I also remember myself as a very compliant child- but that is because I don't have very clear memories of myself as a 2yo

even as a 5yo, I had no understanding of how much of my compliant behaviour was actually because my parents were working flat out jollying me along and watching me like a hawk

it is only since I had children of my own that I have come to realise

what looks good in a restaurant is almost certainly something that has been planned like a military campaign and rehearsed endlessly by the adults in charge

it starts when you tell them an interesting story just before you get on the bus or walk into the restaurant to make sure they are in the right mood; it carries on as you involve them in everything going on while simultaneously listening to your host's funny story from work; as you cheerfully take them out of the restaurant for a little run around when you spot their good behaviour is about to break; and finally as you let them fall asleep in your arms or scoop them up and make your goodnights in exactly the right time to make it out of the doors before final breakdown

there is nothing peculiar about this; it's just what parents do

YANBU if they ask to go out for a meal again suggest their house

TheFatkinsDiet ha, ha! She's well behaved but not that well behaved. My word, a toddler that puts themselves down for a nap when they've had enough - if only!!

I don't think 7pm is too late at all. We often eat at 6:30/7pm as a family. Too late for these kids evidently but not as a generalisation.

7pm would be too late for my 2 year old. That’s usually bathtime. Not too late to be up but too late to be sitting down to eat in a restaurant. Would have been a good time a few months ago when she was still napping.

So every possible restaurant bad behaviour that most people would think of.

It's interesting that some posters are now blaming the OP for nit engaging with the kids, not being good with kids and wanting to enjoy a meal without someone else's kids being badly behaved!

I don't have children and what is more I am useless with them. My partner is the same. I have nephews, but their behaviour and that of their parents were so disgusting that I went NC with them years ago. My partners sisters children are teenagers and mare pretty good company.

All of my friends are either childless or have grown up children.

We do occasionally see cousins who have small children. Despite the fact that these creatures are apparently my family, I don't know them well and have no idea what to do/say to them. I certainly wouldn't be managing their behaviour in public, especially as we get the weekend thread on here from a whinging parent who is unhappy that their child was told off by someone other than them!

Family or not, if a child is interrupting my meal and no one is dealing with it, then I'll walk away.

I don't have kids so I don't feel it's my place to say anything to them. For those of you that do have kids - how would you want someone to tell you that your kids are being disruptive without being completely offended?

I would expect SIL / BIL to help.
That is what family is for!

They might have had a nightmare day and could just have been exhausted. You most likely had a refreshing night sleep and sat there taking notes on how awful they are.

Am I not allowed to enjoy the luxury of a meal out just because I'm an aunt?

Yes of course - if you go without the in-laws / kids.

They might have had a nightmare day and could just have been exhausted. You most likely had a refreshing night sleep and sat there taking notes
This. As an aunt you could have told them to sit down, happy for people to tell my kids if they're being out of order. It takes more than parents to raise kids, the wider family having a role is highly beneficial.

They might have had a nightmare day and could just have been exhausted. You most likely had a refreshing night sleep and sat there taking notes on how awful they are.

Wow. Talk about generalisations. Their kids. Their problem.

Besides if the OP or her DH had intervened or said something then what's the betting the B/SIL would have gone onto MN to complain about childless aunt/uncle interfering?!!

I hate going out to eat and seeing kids sat on tablets with or without headphones - therecus no excuse for it.

I use it for my one year old if desperate. The older ones used to colour in or play small games at the table.
Kids should be involved in adult events. It sounds here like they were just there externally.
This is why UK children are seen as badly behaved. On the continent they are involved by the adults not just looked at as annoying children and expected to shut up.

I’m on the fence on this one. I have a number of relatives (the ‘fun’ aunts and uncles) who wind the dc up, and have no concept how to calm them, then there’s the grandparents who refuse to let me discipline them and the not-at-all fun relatives who insist on commenting on the dc’s food choices or forcing unfamiliar food on them or tutting if I ask for ketchup, etc.
While I’m happy to host at home when it’s our turn, others organize to eat out and in our family it has more the flavor of a royal summons than an invitation. DH and I often eat out with the dc by ourselves without any issues but with a certain amount of compromise- we don’t linger over four courses, there are copious quantities of ketchup consumed and they get to draw at the table if they are bored waiting. I’ve (not DH) been criticized for each of those things (by waiters ) despite the dc being well mannered and well behaved. I think criticizing parenting is just what floats some peoples’ boats.

This is why UK children are seen as badly behaved. On the continent they are involved by the adults not just looked at as annoying children and expected to shut up.

I am not from the UK and completely disagree with this. I generally find the UK kids I encounter (both in the UK and overseas) to be fairly well behaved. Not all of course, as there will always be lazy non parenting such as mentioned in the OP.

I visited Disneyland Paris recently and was absolutely horrified at the behaviour I witnessed and encountered on a daily basis at our hotel and in the parks, especially in the (hotel) restaurants. I've never seen anything like this in the US or Asian parks, so it's definitely something specific to the nationalities visiting DLP. From the languages spoken, the Spanish and Italian children and their hands-off parents were the worst/main culprits. The French children generally seemed quite lovely. My group was absolutely disgusted and in disbelief most of the time as we have never encountered anything so feral before.

OTOH, the most delightful little English boy was sitting next to us during one meal in the park restaurant. I couldn't help complimenting his mother on his beautiful manners and behaviour. She admitted it takes a lot of work, but that you just have to keep persevering. Something people like OP's family need to start doing.

I’d be so embarrassed as well! Unfortunately, there is an abundance of lazy parenting around. The parent/s are usually oblivious to their kids running around feral, screaming etc with no regards to other dinners. It’s like, I have unleashed my child in public, it’s now your problem too! They just have no shame.

My DF reckons this is due to lots of families not having meals around a dining table any more. I can't believe this is true? We even had breakfast together around the table. No wonder kids have indigestion/weight issues/no table manners if they aren't eating in a proper environment on a daily basis.

I feel strongly that eating round the table is a good thing and it’s what we always did as children. It’s also what I do with my dc. BUT I will say that my dh never ate round a table and his family are all super slim and healthy. Whereas I’m constantly battling to stay a healthy weight.

I never take kids out for dinner - lunch only. Dinner time everyone's too tired and wired

I could never sit back and relax with a glass of wine with mine running amok. I’d find it too stressful to enjoy it.

I don’t find ‘discipline’ effective with a toddler, though. It’s just full on distraction, redirection and entertainment.

There is no way I'd take my 2 year old out for dinner at 7pm. That's bedtime! If we're invited to a meal at that time, we either get a sitter, one of us goes or neither of us goes.

We do however take her out for breakfast or lunch, and she does sit nicely for maybe an hour or so? But we take colouring, quiet toys, and some little jigsaws usually. We also talk to her and include her throughout. If you sit there ignoring them of course they're going to get bored and play up! There have been times of course when she's kicked off, in those instances we pay up and leave. There's no excuse for ruining everyone else's meal!

Sound to me OP that your family are just bloody lazy and of that parenting kind that think their child's every noise is cute and just smile indulgently when they are being 'spirited'. Newsflash people, it's only cute to you! Teach them to behave or don't take them.

The PP who mentioned families not all eating together at the dining table might have a point actually. We only all eat together at weekends because DH isn't home from work until about ten minutes before DDs bedtime. So I feed her dinner at 5pm, then we eat our meal together when she's gone to bed. Not ideal at all, but I can't keep a 2 year old up to not have her dinner until what is really her bedtime.

Weekends I make a big effort for us all to eat together at the table for as many meals as possible, but it's certainly not how it was when I was a child. We weren't allowed food on laps, or to wander around grazing.

@Gromance02
That is nonsense.
We rarely eat dinner at the table at home but my DC is perfectly capable of sitting politely at a table for dinner when we go out.

It comes down to engaging the children, it is really exhausting having a long conversation with a young child BUT sitting there and ignoring them and having conversations only with the adults is so rude and if you ignored an adult in that way they would probably behave badly too.

That's awful and so stressful. My in laws kids were (are) like that. I stopped going out with them for meals, days out etc as I always ended up doing the childcare along with my two because they couldn't be arsed parenting their own kids

Exactly @DragonMummy1418. Can you imagine as an adult, being taken out for a meal then being told to sit still, sit quietly and eat your food while everyone at the table just spoke over your head and not to you?

If probably get a bit bored too!!

Mrs Dylan I agree. I hate screens in restaurants too