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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mother is horrible for not inviting my daughter

482 replies

WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 12:20

Birthday party one...
Girl next door having a birthday party, she is in the same class, year 1, as my daughter. There are 11 girls in the class.

Around Xmas the girl next door started being a bit mean to DD. It came to a head when she pushed DD over at school and she hit her head on the playground. We were called because they suspected concussion and the teacher said she had also informed girls parents. Teacher said DD did nothing wrong, didn't even retaliate and that as far as they were aware after speaking to girls and their peers it has all been one way nastiness. Girls made up, as they do, and are fine now but her mother has ignored me since, deleted me from Facebook and glares at me on school run and when we pass outside. Silly but whatever...

So back to the birthday party. Every single girl in the class is invited except DD. Invites were given out on morning school run. The girls were all together waiting to go in. Next door girl handed them to everyone but DD, telling her that she wasn't invited cos her mum says she not allowed. DD looked upset but I took her aside and said we would have a day out, she wasn't impressed... NDN mother just stared at us.

I have found out when the party is and will take DD out so she hasn't got to see all her friends arriving and hear the party, but seriously, this mum is an absolute bitch isn't she? And I have to live next door to her!!! DD seems a bit confused more than anything but is upset as thinks our neighbours must not like her.

I know moaning about kids not being invited to parties is normally seen as unreasonable but I am not in this instance am I??

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 20/02/2018 12:22

But the girls don't get along? So why would your dd be invited?

JustGettingStarted · 20/02/2018 12:23

No, yanbu. She seems to be taking whatever weird grievance she has to bizarre heights.

JustGettingStarted · 20/02/2018 12:23

OP says that the girls made up and are fine now.

falsepriest · 20/02/2018 12:24

The kids aren't friends, why would people who aren't friends be invited? Life lesson for your DD: some people are arseholes and we don't all HAVE to get along.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 20/02/2018 12:25

Parents like that are poison, best to avoid any kind of contact with them. Let them do as they do, you focus on making sure your DD knows this isn't about her, but about the fact that your neighbour is a bit of a bellend.

The not-being-invited is one of those things that all children go through, but the deliberate "my Mum says" stuff is cheap and the NDN adult should be ashamed of herself.

omBreROSE · 20/02/2018 12:26

The Mother sounds uneducated and a bitch to boot!
Just try to ignore it all.
Plan something nice for your DD 🌸

mummmy2017 · 20/02/2018 12:26

This is about a nasty mum who doesn't like you, not DD.

Sorry but this does happen and there is nothing you can do about it, except carry on as normal.

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 12:26

Sorry I thought I said in OP. After pushing incident they made up and are fine now. Haven't had a problem since and they play together at lunch as part of a group and chat when we see each other out the front, it's just the mother who has a problem.

OP posts:
Chocolatesaveslives · 20/02/2018 12:28

But the girls don't get along? So why would your dd be invited?

But they do, the OP stated they've since made up and are fine.

Yes, OP, the mum is behaving badly and being pathetic about the whole thing but it doesn't seem there's anything more you can do than you already are. I hope other parents notice your daughter is absent and see the mum for what she is, a bully.

WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn · 20/02/2018 12:28

What a nasty thing to do. Very mean to hand out invites in front of your DD. excluding one child from a class is not fair at all.

logicalmum · 20/02/2018 12:28

Nasty bitch, but Op, you can have your revenge. You don't even need to wait for your Dds birthday. Just invite a few of the girls from dds class over for a sleepover. With them being next door make sure they're seen by nasty neighbour. Sounds childish i know but women so lacking in niceness need a taste of their own medicine.

MycatsaPirate · 20/02/2018 12:29

I hate parents like this. Kids fall out and make up all the time. The best thing parents can do is keep out of kids squabbles and let them work it out for themselves.

This woman has now caused major issues and probably makes her own DD confused in the process.

YANBU. She's a fucking bitch.

upsideup · 20/02/2018 12:29

knowing what a bitch she is and likely how much of a bitch her dd will become, do you really want to encourage that friendship or want your dd at her party anyway?
I honestly dont mind when my kids are not invited and I'm teaching them not to care also, in adulthood you wouldnt be upset to not be invited to someones party who you didnt get on very well with and if you had thought you got on then at least you would know not to put any in any effort in return.

Whowhatwhy · 20/02/2018 12:29

We've had this. Our neighbour's daughter was awful to ours for years. The school were involved several times and spoke to the parents etc. Like yours, our daughter never fought back, never caused the issues but suffered all sorts, from being dragged round the corridors by her hair to being thumped, pushed off chairs etc. We tried for years to keep some sort of adult calm about it but in the end we'd had enough and dealt with it strongly through school and speaking to them. They then went 3 years without speaking to us! You can imagine the awkwardness of that given that they lived next door. Along the way they also created their own version of events where we were the dreadful ones for having spoken to school and having told our daughter to stay well away from theirs, managing to turn friends and other neighbours away from us.
They have now moved and in a few months our daughter will go to a different school to theirs. Once that happens then it will finally be over.
It is awful though when you find yourself living next door to a child who is nasty to yours. Such a shame also as it could be such a lovely thing to live next door to a friend.

WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn · 20/02/2018 12:30

Plan something nice and make sure the other parents know that your doing it because your child is the only one new bot invited.

What I would really want to do but not be brave or petty enough is to invite a couple of DD’s close friends out with you. I am aware this is pathetic and petty though!

ExFury · 20/02/2018 12:30

Year 1? The mother is making life long and complicated for herself getting so involved in her child's fall outs at such a young age.

And with only 10 other girls in the class with her DD there's likely to be a fair few more added to the list with your DD.

ThisIsTheRealMe · 20/02/2018 12:30

Can you ask her outright what the problem is?

pallisers · 20/02/2018 12:30

But the girls don't get along? So why would your dd be invited?

because she invited every other girl in the class to her party which is happening right next door to the dd. if you did this to anyone other than a child, it would be crystal clear why it was rude at best and horrible at worst.

OP, the NDN will probably move on to some other target eventually but I would strongly discourage any friendship with the girls - the mum is not nice and loves her drama.

TabbyMumz · 20/02/2018 12:31

The mother doesn't want your child there, so why would you want your child there? She's best off not invited.

Dumbled · 20/02/2018 12:31

Thats awful & spiteful! She should be doing what she can to make it up to your dd for physically hurting her- not being even more nasty
Sounds like overall your best away from this family though- hope you and dd have a lovely day!

Thistlebelle · 20/02/2018 12:32

To be fair you need to remember that the Mum will have heard a different side to the story from her DD.

It’s not necessarily true Of course but people tend to listen to their own child.

I would imagine there’s some embarrassment mixed in, I’d be appalled if my DD caused concussion in another child.

The Mum the DD will have picked the party invitations together. I don’t agree with what they’ve done but it is her party.

Taking your DD out for the day is a great plan. It’s sometimes upsetting but you won’t be invited to every party.

Meanwhile all the other Mums will gossip about your NDN.

Rhubarbginmum · 20/02/2018 12:33

I would go out. I might even knock on way out and give her dd a card and small present to show their is no hard feelings on your part. That’s ridiculous behaviour especially if only small number of girls in the class anyway and your neighbours. Very petty behaviour by NDN.

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 12:33

Yeah the being next door thing makes it harder as we can't escape it. She's always glaring at me... until now I have just ignored but I am really angry that our children are being used and upset to make a point.

OP posts:
Bobbybobbins · 20/02/2018 12:34

This is all very petty on the mother's part. You are doing exactly the right thing with your daughter.

With the mum, you have 2 options - either ignore and get on with it or try to engage or speak to her about this. Tbh it doesn't sound like you will get very far.

Quaza · 20/02/2018 12:35

It’s horrible to hand out the invites in front of your DD. My kids schools wouldnt have allowed that.

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