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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this mother is horrible for not inviting my daughter

482 replies

WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 12:20

Birthday party one...
Girl next door having a birthday party, she is in the same class, year 1, as my daughter. There are 11 girls in the class.

Around Xmas the girl next door started being a bit mean to DD. It came to a head when she pushed DD over at school and she hit her head on the playground. We were called because they suspected concussion and the teacher said she had also informed girls parents. Teacher said DD did nothing wrong, didn't even retaliate and that as far as they were aware after speaking to girls and their peers it has all been one way nastiness. Girls made up, as they do, and are fine now but her mother has ignored me since, deleted me from Facebook and glares at me on school run and when we pass outside. Silly but whatever...

So back to the birthday party. Every single girl in the class is invited except DD. Invites were given out on morning school run. The girls were all together waiting to go in. Next door girl handed them to everyone but DD, telling her that she wasn't invited cos her mum says she not allowed. DD looked upset but I took her aside and said we would have a day out, she wasn't impressed... NDN mother just stared at us.

I have found out when the party is and will take DD out so she hasn't got to see all her friends arriving and hear the party, but seriously, this mum is an absolute bitch isn't she? And I have to live next door to her!!! DD seems a bit confused more than anything but is upset as thinks our neighbours must not like her.

I know moaning about kids not being invited to parties is normally seen as unreasonable but I am not in this instance am I??

OP posts:
Devonishome1 · 20/02/2018 12:36

Well you know what to do when it’s your DD party!

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 20/02/2018 12:38

It is very petty but sometimes it's okay to fight fire with fire. Wait until it's your DD's birthday and organise a massive party at your house in the back garden.

saladdays66 · 20/02/2018 12:39

All the girls in the class were invited, and you live next door to this cockwomble? The other mother is a bitch.

Could you front it out? Go round to her and ask why she's always glaring at you? Is she going to keep it up forever?

What a tedious cow - she can't have much else going on in her life if this is how she handles things.

Wheresmyfuckingcupcake · 20/02/2018 12:39

Appalling behaviour. What a dreadful woman. I suggest you rise above it and do not retaliate when it is your Dds birthday. Smile sweetly as you hand over the invitation saying of course, I would never dream of leaving any child out.

tinkerbellone · 20/02/2018 12:39

I can completely understand how you feel. Totally unfair and you have to live next door to this women.
TBH I wouldn't want my child to go to a party in Year 1 without me.
Also if your DD does go, your neighbour could still be unkind to her at the party.
Sorry this has happened to you and your DD x

girlywhirly · 20/02/2018 12:39

The other girls may have been invited, but that doesn’t mean they will go to the party. I imagine their mothers will have heard all about the incident in the playground and some at least will have the measure of NDN mum when they hear your DD isn’t invited. Also some may not attend because they were already committed to other things that day.

I think you’re right to take DD out and ignore the woman.

MadMags · 20/02/2018 12:43

God, I would never suggest this usually but I actually think I’d have a word.

I would say that there must be crossed wires, because her behaviour suggests she thinks you’ve done something wrong and now that the girls are friends again, it’s time to clear the air.

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 12:45

Thanks.
I'd love to confront her, but it will probably make it worse and I have to live here still.
I would still invite her daughter to a party when the time comes, the daughter did look upset that she couldn't invite DD when she told her she wasn't allowed. And they are little kids...

OP posts:
Skittlesandbeer · 20/02/2018 12:47

They say living well is the best revenge.

Plenty of scope for this when you’re next door, and they are forced to hear it first hand.

We had a similar situation. Seemed to even itself out after a long hot summer, 250 meters from the school. Of course, we had a swimming pool.

I would sometimes slip the kid an icy lolly through the fence, wasn’t her fault her mother was a pillock.

MadMags · 20/02/2018 12:47

No, I actually wouldn’t approach it as a confrontation whatsoever. I’d genuinely try to be friendly about it.

I had almost this exact scenario a couple of years ago and I spoke to the mum. No party involved though.

Anyway, I said look our kids want to be friends and I don’t know what you think happened but...gave my version, she gave hers.

We’re not friends but our kids are and there hasn’t been any uncomfortableness since!

Antigonads · 20/02/2018 12:49

What a horrible situation. It is bad enough leaving out one child from a class, but when the party is takng place right next door that exacerbates the situation many fold.

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders · 20/02/2018 12:52

Kill her with kindness. Buy her DD a gift, continue to be completely neutral towards NDN and take DD out for a special day on the party day. If she’s still a bitch after that, then it’s totally her own issue.

Greensleeves · 20/02/2018 12:53

She is horrible. Flowers for you because I know how painful this is. When ds1 was 6 he was handing out invitations for a whole class party when another mother marched up to him and said "Nobody will come to your party, my X is having his party that day and we've invited everyone except you". I think she thought her precious dc might catch Aspergers if she let him play with ds1. 8 years later in secondary school her ds got excluded for punching mine in front of a teacher.

Some people are just vile. You can't re-educated haunted beef. Have a lovely day out with your dd and try to ignore.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 20/02/2018 12:55

Sounds like the Mother is jealous if you OP, don't even look her way.
At least the girls are friends again.
Take your daughter out and have a lovely time, don't forget to skip up the path in your return.😄

mrsBeverleyGoldberg · 20/02/2018 12:57

I wouldn't want my dc to go after giving them a concussion. Take your dd somewhere fun instead.

beepthemeep · 20/02/2018 12:58

If she'd invited half the class it wouldn't be an issue. To exclude just one child is an awful thing to do. What sort of message is she sending her own child? Vile.

I think you're doing the right thing - teach your DD to rise above it.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 20/02/2018 12:58

Maybe you could kill your neighbour with kindness? Take a small present round the day before (sweets or something, no need to go mad), wish her dd a happy birthday and mention that you understand there must be limited numbers for the party, we're going out anyway so no worries.

Add that you hope there's no bad feeling after your daughters fell out, they've made up now. Hope that's all forgotten..have a great party.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 20/02/2018 12:58

I think if another kid pushed mine so hard they might have concussion, then I’d be relieved that they were no longer friends.

Especially if there is such drama. A lucky escape!

MadMags · 20/02/2018 12:59

If you take a present it’ll look like you’re looking for an invitation!

Oooeeeerrrrrindeed · 20/02/2018 13:01

I am a proper confrontational bitch. I'd probably ask her once the kids go in to school in a proper loud voice why she feels the need to exclude the girl that her child was caught picking on? Nice big loud voice. And say it's odd as as far as your converned the girls and the school had handled it maturely. And big grins at her miserable face.

NachoAddict · 20/02/2018 13:02

What an absolute bitch this woman is. She is going to have a horrible few years if she creates drama like this every time her DD has a falling out with a playmate.

I think it is disgusting to leave out just one child but more so when it I happening next door!

When it is your DD's birthday make sure you take the higher ground and invite the other girl. Its her mother that's a bitch.

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 13:03

I will ask DD if she wants to make her a card. If she does she can pop it through the letterbox after the party has happened.

Another mum has messaged me who saw what happened with the invites saying how awful it was, so it didn't go unnoticed and hopefully ndn is just making herself look like a spiteful cow to everyone else too.

OP posts:
whiskyowl · 20/02/2018 13:05

I think this is terrible parenting. The girl who has been violent to your DD should be forced to invite her and to be nice to her as an act of apology. By the sounds of things, the parents are tacitly encouraging a childish feud.

rocketgirl22 · 20/02/2018 13:06

Very spiteful and petty and as adults she ought to be showing her own child how to resolve problems. How utterly for you that she is next door. You have my sympathies.

Be the bigger person, smile stay cheery and take dd out for a whale of a time whilst the party is happening, and explain not all people are kind and that you wouldn't be comfortable with her going anyway( (given how violent the girl is I am not sure it is a good place for your dd to be in anyway) It is sad you have to have this conversation in year one, but trust me you will be having it by year four anyway.

Sit back and watch your neighbour's casualty list grow longer and longer until there is no child left and she moves schools. Don't take it personally, this is her problem not yours. What an appalling example she is.

Plan a small easter playdate/party for your dd with her closest friends (not the whole class though, as you will stoop to her level) in a few weeks with an easter egg hunt to make up for it. Hopefully she will see all the fun and realise how stupid she has been.

SavvyBlancBlonde · 20/02/2018 13:06

Another mum has messaged me who saw what happened with the invites saying how awful it was, so it didn't go unnoticed

well then that will do the rounds around the playground. says way more about her than you or your daughter