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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mother is horrible for not inviting my daughter

482 replies

WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 12:20

Birthday party one...
Girl next door having a birthday party, she is in the same class, year 1, as my daughter. There are 11 girls in the class.

Around Xmas the girl next door started being a bit mean to DD. It came to a head when she pushed DD over at school and she hit her head on the playground. We were called because they suspected concussion and the teacher said she had also informed girls parents. Teacher said DD did nothing wrong, didn't even retaliate and that as far as they were aware after speaking to girls and their peers it has all been one way nastiness. Girls made up, as they do, and are fine now but her mother has ignored me since, deleted me from Facebook and glares at me on school run and when we pass outside. Silly but whatever...

So back to the birthday party. Every single girl in the class is invited except DD. Invites were given out on morning school run. The girls were all together waiting to go in. Next door girl handed them to everyone but DD, telling her that she wasn't invited cos her mum says she not allowed. DD looked upset but I took her aside and said we would have a day out, she wasn't impressed... NDN mother just stared at us.

I have found out when the party is and will take DD out so she hasn't got to see all her friends arriving and hear the party, but seriously, this mum is an absolute bitch isn't she? And I have to live next door to her!!! DD seems a bit confused more than anything but is upset as thinks our neighbours must not like her.

I know moaning about kids not being invited to parties is normally seen as unreasonable but I am not in this instance am I??

OP posts:
Glassofredandapackofcrisps · 20/02/2018 13:30

Mother is clearly a nasty bitch. You don't want to be friends with someone like that. Spoil your daughter rotten on the day of the party. Any adult who takes their grievances out on a child or excludes a child from fun events is a piece of shit nothing more.

extinctspecies · 20/02/2018 13:31

Wait a week after the party has happened, then invite the girl and her Mum round for tea.

And be a lovely gracious host.

gussyfinknottle · 20/02/2018 13:32

Just take your dd away to do something fab.

spiney · 20/02/2018 13:33

So sorry this has happened. NDN is a nasty women. And acting like a child herself.

Who would dream of carrying out a vendetta against a child. The only one not to be invited? Grim. Really grim.

Big up your daughter. Explain that not everyone does kind things. That it is not the other little girls fault. The 2 girls get along fine. Don't sink to the other mothers level. If she wants to put a card through for her friend that's great.
I would take her out for the day whatever so she doesn't see them all arriving.

NDN is a bitch that's obvious.
Rise above. Rise above.

SnackMaBitchUp · 20/02/2018 13:34

I'd take your daughter out on the most awesome day out that day and make sure NDN knows all about it and is green with envy.
And if you're going to post a card, do it before the party on your way out, not after! Don't let them think your dd is sat at home stewing about a party she didn't get to go to.

HairyToity · 20/02/2018 13:36

Mum is a bitch. Spoil your daughter on the day of the party. Take her to zoo or beach or somewhere special xx

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 13:37

Well I told DH what had happened when I got back and he was fuming. He just messaged me to say he has booked Legoland for us all for that whole weekend!

Also I messaged mum friend back and said that yes it was awkward but never mind. She has replied to say she is just thinking of an excuse to get out of it. 😂 She said her DD would most likely not want to go as they don't get on and that she has been in to talk to the teacher more than once about this girl being nasty...

OP posts:
Knittedfairies · 20/02/2018 13:41

Well that's a pretty good update! Your NDN is still a very unpleasant woman, but you're having a family weekend away and other people know what she's done. I call that a result.

dustarr73 · 20/02/2018 13:43

Plaster it all over fb about Legoland.And i wouldnt buy a gift or a card.Why teach your dd to bow to bullies.They are friends in school so i would just look at it like that.

And i wouldnt invite her over for a playdate.Why make your life harder.

tickingthebox · 20/02/2018 13:48

I think you should speak to the school (again) as it is a form of bullying.

sonsmum · 20/02/2018 13:52

I don't think it would do any good to post a card through the door etc. I think it has been made clear that she wants her DD to have nothing to do with your DD. That is a shame but how she sees it. If you put a card through the door, she will only take it the wrong way.
I think your best move is to do nothing and definitely don't retaliate, as she is likely to escalate further.
If your DD wants to invite her to her b'day then invite her, but maybe she won't come (but if her b'day is months away, it may all have blown over, eg. if all the other girls are going and not her daugher she may not want her to miss out?) .
You're doing the right think to take your DD out for the day so you do not see the comings and goings of everyone coming to her party.
I think you have to not react to her scowls/glares etc
I think it has the potential to blow over (though may take a few months). The other mothers will see what is going on and may secretly cool it with your neighbour if they disagree with what she is doing.
The fact that you are neighbours makes this 10 times worse. I think you just ignore, keep away and see what happens.
If you start to deterioriate, ie feel bullied/scared to go out incase she is there, then i strongly suggest you write a letter (get someone else to sense check it and proof read before sending) and state that the past is the past, can you not just draw a line in the sand and move on and be civil to each other, what example does this set to the children etc. State you feel a little intimidated by the scowls (if you do) and would be nice if you could pass the time of day etc....keep a copy of that letter. If she continues to cause trouble then i think you have some grounds to apply some pressure legally over this 'bullying'. Otherwise this could start to eat you up inside and affect your mental health.
Of course, if you were able to move, I'd also consider that, but realise this may not be feasible and you should not feel that you have to move!

GrannyGrissle · 20/02/2018 13:58

I think you need to shame this arsehole of a mother so everytime she stared big sile wave and hiya (fucking hate 'hiya'). A lesson for DD that plenty of grown ups are nasty vicious bastards and she can do the same when it's her Birthday...

Aeroflotgirl · 20/02/2018 13:59

Really op, I would not get the girl any card or present, your dd can wish her a happy birthday at school, its not going to be very good. Fantastic that you have booked Legoland, much better than that party.

FluffyPineapple · 20/02/2018 14:00

No cards, no presents. No acknowledgement that the party is happening. If your friends dd doesn’t want to go to the party why not take her to legoland with you?

After all you booked it months ago didn’t you? 🤫

I’m sure the girls will have a much better time there than at a party of a bully and her mysogonistic mum - and will have lots to talk about on Monday in school 🤗

Namechangetempissue · 20/02/2018 14:00

I would just ignore to be honest. Don't take round a card or gift, don't gloat about legoland on facebook (other than normal pics) and don't host a party and purposefully exclude next doors child. Be the bigger and better person, see it for the pathetic thing it is, and move on. Enjoy your weekend having fun, have some play dates with your daughters friends and just be neutral with bitchy mum. I fully stand by never giving people like that what they want which is attention.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/02/2018 14:01

I think the mother is making herself look very bad and nasty, just leave her to it!

Outlookmainlyfair · 20/02/2018 14:02

Nobody is obliged to invite anybody to a party, but invited all the class and excluding one person smacks of petty vindictiveness. The NDN seems to be setting a very blinkered example for her daughter. Long term your daughter will be better off having dealt with it, the other girl will have to fight harder to avoid falling into the same unpleasant patterns in life.

mrsBeverleyGoldberg · 20/02/2018 14:04

This happened to ds1 because his friend's mother didn't like me. Simple reason being her drunken rages, and me being on the receiving end!HmmAnyway ds1 was really upset and we went to Legoland instead! The hotel is brilliant. The dcs still talk about the all you can eat breakfast and being in the park early.

Figgygal · 20/02/2018 14:05

LEGOLAND trumps any party I am sure.
Sad for the little girls involved but am sure your DD will love being away.

Ignore the mother and definitely don't be buying gifts or inviting round fuck that!! the friend who text you wont be the only one to notice what happened so other mum has made herself look like a spiteful tit for no reason.

Viviennemary · 20/02/2018 14:06

Under the circumstances why would you want your child to be associated with this violent girl. Who will be her next victim because these types usually have to pick on somebody. I think you should be glad your DD doesn't have to make friends with somebody like this..

beepthemeep · 20/02/2018 14:06

I feel sorry for the girl - if she's nasty, it's crystal clear where she gets it from Sad

Viviennemary · 20/02/2018 14:07

And certainly no card or present.

CherryMaDeary · 20/02/2018 14:09

I would go out. I might even knock on way out and give her dd a card and small present to show their is no hard feelings on your part.

Would you really do that Rhubarb?

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 14:12

I certainly won't be encouraging a friendship between the girls or inviting them over, but living next door and being in a small class together means that life will be alot easier for DD if they can get on, which they have been since the pushing incident.

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 20/02/2018 14:12

Legoland sounds fab. Nice one.

I definitely wouldn't bother with a card/present/invite, just disengage.

Airy smile/wave when you see her, but don't speak to her in any meaningful way. To genuinely not give a fuck is the best revenge. Sounds like your DD is well off out of that family anyway.

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