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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To charge family for looking after their children?

243 replies

upsideup · 15/02/2018 15:46

We are looking after Sil's and BiL's DC (5 children) for 6 days in the easter holidays, It was all agreed a few weeks ago and we have been communicating and organising since however so far there has been no mention of payment, 5 children for for 6 days is going to be a significant amount of extra money just in food and other essentials
As its half term we will be doing days out and actvities anyway for our children but as Sil and biL are not expecting us to do these extra things, it kind of feels of wrong to expecting them to pay and we dont want our children to miss out by sticking to cheaper or free activities.
They live abroad so we dont see them that often and both parents had to go away anyway, so we offered to have the children, so they didnt ask if that makes a difference.
Normally we would go abroad in the easter holidays and we are just staying home this year so thats a saving and I guess our chidlren our benefitting from having fun with their cousins.

Would you ask for payement? and how much? If we going to ask, we are going to have to do it soon.

OP posts:

Whatshallidonowpeople · 15/02/2018 15:48

You offered to look after them and now you want money?

mumof06darlings · 15/02/2018 15:48

** so we offered to have the children,

You can't charge after offering

Birdsgottafly · 15/02/2018 15:49

Your DH needs to ask his Brother/Sister? For the expenses for the children. Food etc should be a given. If they are struggling then the days out might have to be compromised but if not then whatever they would cost.

fallenblossom · 15/02/2018 15:50

Personally I wouldn't ask. But then I can afford it.

If it leaves you substantially short then you should ask. Surprised that with 5 kids, they haven't offered tbh.

I am curious about practicalities though. You will need a minibus to ferry everyone around surely?

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 15/02/2018 15:50

It's a one off so I wouldn't charge them if it was me. They will likely offer some.

Bodicea · 15/02/2018 15:51

I would ask about expenses rather than a charge. Just phrase it something like would it be ok to give us a kitty for expenses, days out, food etc?
You did offer to look after them but don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect them to cover expenses for their own kids.

Birdsgottafly · 15/02/2018 15:51

I didn't read that they didn't ask.

That does change things. Would having them put you in hardship?

TheNoseyProject · 15/02/2018 15:51

Well they should have offered but now it’s too late to change the goal posts. I suppose it depends how poor you are and also what the norm in your family is. The thought would not cross my mind but I acknowledge you need to have at least a little spare for that to be possible.

mumgointhroughtorture · 15/02/2018 15:52

I don't think the OP means charging for the time but the entrance fees and food etc you wouldn't be unreasonable . 5 kids into any place is gonna cost a lot and if you go every day plus food and drink and treats whilst you're out means you will probably be more likely to stay home more as it will be expensive . Maybe you could ask if they are bringing packed lunches .

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 15/02/2018 15:52

You can't charge if you offered. But - if I had 5 DC and someone offered to take them for 6 days at half term I would send the DC with at least 20 quid each. Probably more if i could afford to.

OlennasWimple · 15/02/2018 15:52

I couldn't ask for payment for looking after my nieces and nephews, particularly if I didn't see them very often!

But you shouldn't be substantially out of pocket either, so a contribution to the obvious stuff like food and any days out would be appreciated. Just say that you were thinking of going to X place, as long as they are happy with paying 5xtickets. Don't plan to do something every day, either - there's no need

Crispbutty · 15/02/2018 15:53

You offered! They should have asked if you needed money towards expenses but I think you have put yourself in a bit of an awkward situation really as you should have been upfront at the beginning by saying "I don't mind having the kids if you can pay for the activities I plan on doing with mine"

alotalotalot · 15/02/2018 15:54

"We might go out for a day trip or two, depending on how the money stretches" should get an offer from them. But if they don't get the hint then you can't ask because you offered.

Iluvthe80s · 15/02/2018 15:55

Even if someone offered to look after my kids, I would be so grateful (knowing the cost of childcare), that I would offer money for food/trips etc.

Caroelle · 15/02/2018 15:56

Not unreasonable to explain that you have paid for activities arranged for your children, could they contribute? Otherwise free or cheap activities which may be fun in a larger group. Do you think that they may worry that they will offend you if they offer you money?

RedHelenB · 15/02/2018 15:56

They will 5fun playing together maybe just do one costly activity in the last day?

Trinity66 · 15/02/2018 15:56

If it was a regular thing then maybe you'd expect to get paid but you offer to take them and then want to get paid? Odd

jacobsgirl · 15/02/2018 15:57

If it wasn't their idea I don't know if it's right to ask

However definitely gonna be more expensive!
You could always say you didn't really think about expenses before offering and would they be comfortable giving you money for the kids to live off of

KanyeWesticle · 15/02/2018 15:57

Expenses. Not "payment"

alotalotalot · 15/02/2018 15:58

Google TreasureTrails if they are old enough to look for clues. About £6.99 then money for a drink in a cafe if you want.

Original poster

upsideup · 15/02/2018 15:58

Okay I guess we are in the wrong for considering it then, it was more that if someone was looking our DC for that long we would of offered to pay for their expenses by then.
As I said we are not going abroad so saving money anyway and we could afford to not charge. But in half term we would plan to take our kids to theme parks and out for meals ect and paying for 5 extra kids would be a significant amount.
When I say we offered, it was more they were telling us about how they didnt know what they were going to do with their children and we said we are not going away so we could have them, I guess that is just us offering though.

OP posts:

Trinity66 · 15/02/2018 15:59

KanyeWesticle
Expenses. Not "payment"

tbf though she does say in the title "to charge family for looking after their kids"

Hownow39 · 15/02/2018 16:00

Not sure who the cf is in this situation

Them for allowing you to look after five monsters without offering to cover expenses or you for
Offering to have five children then expecting payment.

CF1v CF2 let the battle commence.

fallenblossom · 15/02/2018 16:00

You are not wrong to consider the cost of 5 extra people to feed and entertain. Perhaps they will still offer.

Out of curiosity, how old are the children?

fruitbrewhaha · 15/02/2018 16:00

It totally depends on your financial circumstances. For some families feeding an extra 5 would be impossible, for some not a problem.

You are doing them a huge favour. If you are going to struggle, ask them for some cash.

Id probably avoid taking them to any days out places, can't they entertain each other, the weather should be nice by then. Days out in the park. Making pizza, or cake.

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