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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge family for looking after their children?

243 replies

upsideup · 15/02/2018 15:46

We are looking after Sil's and BiL's DC (5 children) for 6 days in the easter holidays, It was all agreed a few weeks ago and we have been communicating and organising since however so far there has been no mention of payment, 5 children for for 6 days is going to be a significant amount of extra money just in food and other essentials
As its half term we will be doing days out and actvities anyway for our children but as Sil and biL are not expecting us to do these extra things, it kind of feels of wrong to expecting them to pay and we dont want our children to miss out by sticking to cheaper or free activities.
They live abroad so we dont see them that often and both parents had to go away anyway, so we offered to have the children, so they didnt ask if that makes a difference.
Normally we would go abroad in the easter holidays and we are just staying home this year so thats a saving and I guess our chidlren our benefitting from having fun with their cousins.

Would you ask for payement? and how much? If we going to ask, we are going to have to do it soon.

OP posts:
ToffeeUp · 15/02/2018 17:02

I think I read your thread about sleeping arrangements and if I remember correctly the kids are mostly teens and pre-teens. A day out to theme park is going to cost you a fortune, so you either aks them for money for tickets and extras or you do something else. I don't think you can ask them money for food etc but for expensive days out, I don't see a problem.

backinthatdress · 15/02/2018 17:03

Viviennemary - maybe some people just like spending there time with family and dont mind having extra kids around. I would look after my neices and nephews if asked and not just in an emergency.

OP- Yabu, you cant ask now considering you offered! the time to mention money was when you agreed to have them such as ' i can have them for the 6 days if you chip in towards the days out i had planned for my lot'

hopefully they offer something when dropping them off

Imverypleasedtomeetyou · 15/02/2018 17:03

No I wouldn't ask for payment. You 'offered' to look after them, they didn't ask you to.

I think the only reasonable 'payment' to ask for is a contribution to cover the extra food you'll have to buy. If you choose to go on day trips which obviously will cost extra money, I'm afraid that is your choice, you don't have to you could just do free stuff for those six days.

Imverypleasedtomeetyou · 15/02/2018 17:05

Hollow - I think we may have shared the same childhood! :)

Lweji · 15/02/2018 17:06

I wouldn't ask for payment for activities that I wanted to take them on.

If anyone was taking care of my children, then I'd give them money if they were kind enough to take them to activities.

But, I just wanted to say you're a saint for offering to have 5 extra children over the holidays.

phoenix1973 · 15/02/2018 17:06

You're not bu for considering this but the charging should have been raised during the initial talk.
It's a lesson learned.

hollowtree · 15/02/2018 17:06

It was good wasn't It? Would you like to go climb a free?

MyDcAreMarvel · 15/02/2018 17:07

Easter is not half term and your dc would not miss out by doing cheap/ free activities.

hollowtree · 15/02/2018 17:07

was good wasn't It? Would you like to go climb a free?

Imverypleased that was to you!

Exiguous · 15/02/2018 17:08

How will you actually get to the various activities with 7+ kids? Have you got a big car?

hollowtree · 15/02/2018 17:09

*tree! Treeee! I am very sleep deprived

Lweji · 15/02/2018 17:09

I never read so much as when I had nothing to do on holiday. And no TV.
Good times.

Imverypleasedtomeetyou · 15/02/2018 17:10

lol Hollow but then I'm also from the "Go and play and come back when dinner is ready or it's getting dark" generation :)

ExFury · 15/02/2018 17:11

You can't ask them to pay for trips to theme parks and the likes. If you were asking for a contribution for their food I'd say "ok to ask, but really you should have brought it up as soon as you offered", but asking for money to take them on day trips and the likes is not on.

RingFence · 15/02/2018 17:11

I think it's very reasonable to ask them to cover their kids expenses (food, travel, entrance fees). Work out roughly how much it will be per child per day. I'm surprised they haven't offered! You're saving them a fortune in childcare fees!

IamaBingeEater · 15/02/2018 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trinity66 · 15/02/2018 17:15

Yeah you probably should have said as you were offering that you had some expensive days out planned with your own kids and if they were ok to pay for their DC to come along you would be able to have them, it's kind of cheeky to ask them for so much money after you already agreed I think. Theme park fees X 5 will be alot of expense for them

BarbarianMum · 15/02/2018 17:16

The hell it isn't. I've never looked after anyone's child - friend or family - and not been offered at least this. Generally I'd not accept but then it's always been one child at a time, not 5. And young children, not teens.

Penfold007 · 15/02/2018 17:17

I read the OP as both sets of parents are going away so Mr & Mrs upsidedown have full responsibility for five nieces/nephews plus their own children, so at least seven children between adults. Going to a theme park is going to be a logistical nightmare and cost £500 plus (if I'm right).
Just thinking of all the extra washing makes me go all peculiarShock

Aeroflotgirl · 15/02/2018 17:18

Why did you not mention payment when the subject of looking after the kids came up. Ask them, look its going to be expensive with days out and extra food, can we have X amount into the bank account please. They should also have offered that, its very cheeky expecting someone to look after their 5 children for 6 days without offering any payment.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/02/2018 17:20

Even now, its not Easter hols yet, op has every right to ask for payment. Tell them "look we just had a think about it, and it is going to be a massive expense, with days out, food etc, please could you pay X amount", its not unreasonable.

PonderLand · 15/02/2018 17:20

I've not read every post so this may of already been suggested. I'd text each family and say something like

'hey, we're really looking forward to having DC for the week, we were thinking about doing a trip to a >'suggestion here'< but we would struggle to pay for everyone. If you think the DC would enjoy that would you be willing to put some money towards your DC entrance fee? I'm sure they'd all really enjoy it'

I think if you say that you'd already planned to do a trip then it would come across differently, but if you say you'd be thinking about activities since offering then it's a bit more understandable why you'd not asked for payment previously.

Trinity66 · 15/02/2018 17:20

The hell it isn't. I've never looked after anyone's child - friend or family - and not been offered at least this. Generally I'd not accept but then it's always been one child at a time, not 5. And young children, not teens.

Do you not think it's a bit much to offer to look after the kids though and then say afterwards by the way we're going out to all these expensive places and we need money? (bearing in mind that's 5 kids worth of entrance fees) Like they should have been told that beforehand so they could decide if they could afford all that before accepting the offer

Knitjob · 15/02/2018 17:21

I would give you money to cover days out and the like. So I would have been like you and assumed everyone else would do the same. Maybe they will though, there is still time. But that doesn't help you with planning what you will do.

Could you say something like "we'd love to do xyz with the kids while they are all together but it's quite expensive. Would you mind contributing to the cost? I haven't mentioned it to the kids yet so it won't matter if we can't go, we can just do something else."

How would that go down? I'm not sure. If I got a message like that I think I would answer wirh "sure, we were thinking we'd give you £x for each day, we know kids are expensive"

But maybe some others would take it the wrong way.

ExFury · 15/02/2018 17:23

The hell it isn't. I've never looked after anyone's child - friend or family - and not been offered at least this. Generally I'd not accept but then it's always been one child at a time, not 5. And young children, not teens.

There's a difference between asking for it and offering.

If someone offered to mind my kids I'd offer them money for food and general stuff. I wouldn't expect to have it landed on me several weeks into the organising that they were planning multiple days out to theme parks and the likes. That's a whole new ball game.

How much is it going to cost the parents if the OP wants to do even 3 days of theme park type prices? If the parents are struglling to afford child care how are they going to afford 15 theme park tickets?