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AIBU?

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Original poster

To charge family for looking after their children?

243 replies

upsideup · 15/02/2018 15:46

We are looking after Sil's and BiL's DC (5 children) for 6 days in the easter holidays, It was all agreed a few weeks ago and we have been communicating and organising since however so far there has been no mention of payment, 5 children for for 6 days is going to be a significant amount of extra money just in food and other essentials
As its half term we will be doing days out and actvities anyway for our children but as Sil and biL are not expecting us to do these extra things, it kind of feels of wrong to expecting them to pay and we dont want our children to miss out by sticking to cheaper or free activities.
They live abroad so we dont see them that often and both parents had to go away anyway, so we offered to have the children, so they didnt ask if that makes a difference.
Normally we would go abroad in the easter holidays and we are just staying home this year so thats a saving and I guess our chidlren our benefitting from having fun with their cousins.

Would you ask for payement? and how much? If we going to ask, we are going to have to do it soon.

OP posts:
Happinessisthis · 15/02/2018 16:28

I would probably give money the day I dropped the kids off and say it's towards food and trips and would buy you wine chocolate and flowers on return.

But you did offer so if they don't, you will have to suck it up.

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 15/02/2018 16:31

No there's absolutely no way is ask for payment in those circumstances.

MacaroniPenguin · 15/02/2018 16:31

I think the way it would most often work is they'd offer and you would say "not at all, couldn't possibly, they are family y'know." then optionally seethe about it.

Meet in the middle. Do a bit less of the expensive things than you normally would, and ask SIL and BIL they'd mind chipping in to help with tickets for one or two specific days out, while also checking if they think DC would like it. Bear in mind that if they don't normally do these big ticket things they will have their reasons though, so tread carefully and don't ask for loads.

GreenTulips · 15/02/2018 16:32

I think you should ask because they aren't mind readers! Being abroad they won't know what activities there are or how much they cost!

They should chip in for food as a given as they'd have to feed their kids at home.
I'd message 'Hey would the kids be interested in doing X and Y they cost £X each plus food? It's a great day out if you can chip in with some entrance money ?

GabsAlot · 15/02/2018 16:33

they should offer but if not just say in a nice way you were planning on goin g to such and such could they cover it

DeathStare · 15/02/2018 16:36

I don't think you can charge them now you've offered.

But you could send them an email with a schedule of activities you have planned and hope that when they realise you won't be sitting in the house all week that they will offer some money

Viviennemary · 15/02/2018 16:39

I wouldn't have agreed to it in the first place. This should all have been discussed before you had agreed to this. Too late now to ask for payment. You'll just have to keep your fingers crossed but I wouldn't get my hopes up in your position.

tuliped · 15/02/2018 16:40

I think the parents will give you spending/pocket money when they drop them off, let's hope they both do though or it will look unfair.

Maybe point out to the parents that you will be visiting a zoo for example and you think it would be a good idea for each child to take the same amount of pocket/spending money, how much will their children have to spend? So that everyone has the same amount.

Trinity66 · 15/02/2018 16:41

I wouldn't have agreed to it in the first place

She actually offered though

MichaelBendfaster · 15/02/2018 16:42

Too late now to ask for payment

I really don't get why people are saying this. It's totally legit that you might only now be thinking seriously about activities and extra meals out etc for the holidays.

Viviennemary · 15/02/2018 16:45

People get themselves in a tangled mess about this kind of thing. Looking after other people's kids, pets, . agreeing to lifts and so on. Yes they are well meaning but think before you offer or agree. I'd just say you've had second thoughts and it will cost too much.

Goldmandra · 15/02/2018 16:46

I would let both sets of parents know that you'd like to do some special days out but wanted to check they were happy to stump up for entrance fees before you organise them. Let them know the prices and only do them if everyone is happy.

eurgh2018 · 15/02/2018 16:47

If you only have them for 6 days why can't you do the more expensive activities with your own DC on the days you don't have your Nieces/Nephews??

And you offered, so you can't request payment.

bigbluebus · 15/02/2018 16:47

Don't know how many DCs you've got of your own OP but a trip to a theme park with at least 6 children and 2 adults is going to cost as much as your holiday abroad! I'd either knock that idea on the head or tell BIL and SIL what trips you are proposing and how much entry is and to make sure they give their DCs or you the money to pay and some spending money.

WeAllHaveWings · 15/02/2018 16:47

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you dh phoning and saying “we are thinking of taking the dcs to X and Y while they are here, it’s £25 a ticket for one and £15 for another, does that sound ok?” Then wait for a reply, if they say ok, ask them if they want your account details to transfer the money or will the dc have enough with them.

General food etc you need to suck up.

mindutopia · 15/02/2018 16:48

I don't think you can expect it if you offered, but if it was me in their shoes, definitely I would be giving you something to compensate you. It's quite possible they expect to. I think if it was me, I'd be offering something daily for food/etc. but then would just have you tell me at the end the cost of the activities you did and I could reimburse you. I don't think you can really directly ask now, but maybe just say we wanted to go to x, y and z (that have a per child cost) and would you mind sending something to cover those costs.

OutyMcOutface · 15/02/2018 16:48

Wow, you are very tight fisted. Expecting payment for looking after your own DNs? Bizarre.

Snowydaysarehere · 15/02/2018 16:50

Maybe text the dps and ask that their dc spending money be put in an envelope so you can look after it until you get to the activities.

hollowtree · 15/02/2018 16:50

Just tell them if you can't afford it and next time don't offer if you don't have the money to feed extra kids

Viviennemary · 15/02/2018 16:51

Well this sounds horribly mean. But tell them unless they cough up you will be taking turns. One of you stays at home with their DC;s and watches DVD's and the other takes your own DC out for the day. Hope that would be OK. Honestly, why would anybody offer to look after somebody's 5 DC's unless it was a total family emergency and into care was the only other option. That's the only reason I'd do it.

ApacheEchidna · 15/02/2018 16:51

I don't think that you can ask for money having offered, but whatever precedent is set now will be also what happens when they have your kids in a future holiday so it will all pan out in the end.

sleepylittlebunnies · 15/02/2018 16:57

As Easter holidays are 2 weeks can you do the expensive day trips in the time the cousins aren’t there. Hopefully the weather will be reasonable so the park, woods, beach or bbq and camping in the garden. All good fun with a bunch of cousins. Get the board games out, cheap cinema on a morning and take own snacks.

Pheasantplucker2 · 15/02/2018 16:58

I like the idea of a possible, send a lovely email saying we're looking forward to seeing the kids, have just begun to think about activities. We are happy to do any of these days out, they cost x y and z. Please can you let me know what would be ok. Re meals, happy to feed them here, but if we're going out please can you send them with a packed lunch, as making one for 10 (or however many you will be) is a nightmare! Then if they say they weren't planning on money for days out, start researching what's free near you. If you're in London there's loads, but I think you could ask them for the money for a weekly travel card for each child if they need them. You are a few nicer silver than me, I would have them for a day, but 6! What are your inlaws doing, that's they're coming over as 2 separate families but need childcare?

BarbarianMum · 15/02/2018 16:58

Too late now to ask for payment

Not too late to ask for expenses. Cfs should have offered.

hollowtree · 15/02/2018 17:01

What is all this 'activity' shit nowadays anyway? When I was a kid, me, my brother and our 3 cousins would make a tent out of the clothes horse, or build a pillow fort and piss about in them all day. Since when did children forget how to turn the back garden into Mordor or Narnia (cost of entry being free)?

Stick a family size bag of Quavers in a bowl and some squash in a jug and wait for them to wear themselves out- dinners can be huge cheap meals like spag bol/shepherds pie/chicken korma in a big pot and help yourselves till you're full.

Pyjamas and a film are a win- and if you want to push the boat out make a vat of hot chocolate one night.

My childhood could not have been more fun and mainly consisted of making mud pies (complete with berries), collecting bugs, playing board games and occasionally sliding down the stairs in a sleeping bag.

If they are a bit old for these things can you introduce them to the art of conversation? I still use that now as a means to pass the time