To charge family for looking after their children?

[upsideup]

We are looking after Sil's and BiL's DC (5 children) for 6 days in the easter holidays, It was all agreed a few weeks ago and we have been communicating and organising since however so far there has been no mention of payment, 5 children for for 6 days is going to be a significant amount of extra money just in food and other essentials
As its half term we will be doing days out and actvities anyway for our children but as Sil and biL are not expecting us to do these extra things, it kind of feels of wrong to expecting them to pay and we dont want our children to miss out by sticking to cheaper or free activities.
They live abroad so we dont see them that often and both parents had to go away anyway, so we offered to have the children, so they didnt ask if that makes a difference.
Normally we would go abroad in the easter holidays and we are just staying home this year so thats a saving and I guess our chidlren our benefitting from having fun with their cousins.

Would you ask for payement? and how much? If we going to ask, we are going to have to do it soon.

You offered to look after them and now you want money?
Too late now. The time for that conversation was when you agreed to look after them.

But if the extra cost is really a burden, then you'll have to ask if they can help out with the extra expense, as you didn't realize how much it would cost. If they're nice people, they'll understand.

I definitely wouldn't ask for money.

BUT when they hand over their children they should also insist on handing over a good chunk of money for the entertainment of all the children. I'd be a bit surprised if they didn't.

I would ask both families for money, why you expect not to pay something we all know the cost of food is expensive.

If anyone offered to have my 3 for that length of time I would offer money for food and that was rejected then I would take food/snacks with me when I dropped the off.

God I even gave my MIL snacks when they take my 3 to the cinema because I don't expect then to have the added cost.

I’d likely choose free activities for this hol. Your children have other times to visit theme parks etc. But if you are desperate to take them all expensive places just let the parents know and ask what they think and if they can pay entrance fees. If they can’t afford it either don’t go or decide if it’s affordable for you.

outy it's five children on top of their own. So even (say) an icecream at £1 each a day is going to be an extra £30 pw, to say nothing of the angst of looking after and feeding the children. Add £100 for just basic food. Getting them around (which I can't quite understand - sounds like 7 and 2 adults) either means two cars or mega money on transport. Depends where they are and how old the kids are, but even getting to free stuff like museums and parks sounds like mega stuff. I'm calling the OP though - are she and her DP taking the time off and how can they safely monitor 5 kids they don't know + their own?

ExFury if they can't afford what the OP is planning then they can say so can't they? As part of a wider discussion about covering expenses. There's a big difference bw not being able to afford multiple theme park outings and not expecting to pay a penny for activities, food or treats.

Firstly, you are very generous to offer at all. I am wincing, thinking about having 5 extra DC to look after added to my one.

Secondly, the play down the garden/up a tree/build forts/read a lot suggestions are fine if you have a garden or local open space (not everyone does), the weather plays ball and the DC are bookworms, but it is very dependent on whether the DC concerned have been brought up like this. If they haven't (or yours haven't), you've got up to 7 bored DC littering your house failing to self-start! Plus it depends if the cousins actually get on or not.

I was brought up like that, but it's not the 70s any more and frankly that kind of very low adult supervision activity is something I'd be nervous of doing with other people's kids these days.

Thirdly, if you (or DH) don't have the kind of relationship where you can actually discuss this kind of thing with them without offence being taken, I'm not sure you should be having the DC at all.

Finally, bear in mind you are doing them a massive, massive favour -- you set the terms!

Message and say 'Hi, just planning activities for when we have the kids. Can you let me know their rough budget from you so I know what to plan around'

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask them if they could see their way clear to chip in for their keep and see what they say. I'd be sending money if anyone was looking after DS. They may have every intention of doing likewise.

Personally I make a big distinction between family and other people's children.
They live abroad so are all paying for travel I assume.
You have said you can afford it and it is obviously generous of you, but it also only 6 days.
If I could afford it I would treat my family on what is clearly a special treat- and enjoy the cousins getting to know one another better.
I wouldn't expect any payment but I would probably hope that one day they would return the favour.

The play down the garden/up a tree/build forts/read a lot suggestions are fine if you have a garden or local open space (not everyone does), the weather plays ball and the DC are bookworms, but it is very dependent on whether the DC concerned have been brought up like this. If they haven't (or yours haven't), you've got up to 7 bored DC littering your house failing to self-start! Plus it depends if the cousins actually get on or not.

This is why no youngsters today can do anything to entertain themselves.

This is why schools, despite offering a free and varied education, get criticised for the children being 'bored' because they had to read the laws of physics instead of actually visiting the moon for a residential.

This is why teenagers roll their eyes about when you ask them to GET OFF YOUR FUCKING PHONE and actually talk to their grandmother at Christmas.

Because parents are scared that if you leave poor little Brian without his XBox for the day he might get a little bit bored and do something for himself for half hour. God forbid.

And as for 'weather permitting'... I have the most wonderful news for you Mumsnet- your skin is actually waterproof!!

Rain is not deadly, windy days rarely have fatal consequences in this country and when it's cold there are these beautiful items of clothing you can buy called 'coats' and they come in all shapes and sizes.

Ffs.

Actually, if it's something like a theme park, ask the parents first if they're ok with it.
You wouldn't guess but my DS wouldn't enjoy most rides and might be left out.
Or they could have their own plans.

That way you'd know it would be ok and, knowing your plans, they may well offer to pay for their children.

I think I love you Hollow that's hilarious! :) couldn't agree more.

😂 you too imverypleased!

I can't be doing with it all! Plus... I'm 27! So I'm not talking about "low-maintenance parenting from the 70s" like a previous poster said!? Just fucking get on with it child!

I GAVE you life is that not enough? Now I've got to live the damn thing for you!?

Brilliant Hollowtree

OP you offered to have the children. You didn't think it through.
Hopefully the bil and sil will offer something towards expenses.
Can your dh discuss it with his brother and sister ?
What age are your own children ?
Can you explain to them that because their cousins are staying there won't be so many excursions ?

7 children to entertain...hmmm. I'd skip the expensive outings (keep them for the week you only have your own kids). You don't say where you live or how old the children are but in London I'd combine:

• swimming in local pool (cheap) then a visit to the library next door to choose books/DVDs and home to read/watch movie
• a cooking morning, something like pancakes so everyone gets to do their own, then everyone pitches in to clean up. Then out to the park/woods for a run around.
• Train into town and walk along South Bank - visit Tate Modern (free) and climb Monument (£2.30 a head)
• Train to a different part of town and visit Science Museum/V&A/Natural History museum (free for permanent exhibitions)

Repeat the above. Intersperse with telly/computer games/mooching around garden.

But I really hope your relatives are about to offer you a decent contribution to keeping their five children over the holidays. I can't believe they won't - who DOES that??? They know how much it costs to feed and transport 5 children in the holidays, although it might be a bit much to expect them to shell out for expensive trips out - they might not do it themselves with so many children to pay for.

You offered to look after them and now you want money?

Did I read the same posts from the OP as some people? She offered because the ILs needed childcare not purely because she wanted them to visit so all this "you offer = you pay" doesn't really apply.

It's not like the OP rang up her BiL and SiL and said "Hey, are you doing anything because if not we'd love to have your kids for Easter. Oh by the way you need to send them with £200 each to cover their costs because we intend to do lots of expensive activities with them."

The OP's ILs were both having child care issues for the Easter holidays, the OP didn't have plans so offered to help out the ILs by taking the kids. Under those circumstances I don't understand why it is a bad thing to ask for their ILs to provide some money to cover entrance fees/food costs, especially if both BiL and SiL are aware the OP will be looking after children from both of them and so they will have an extra 5 children, not just the 2/3 of their own.

From going to the cinema to lunch at McDonalds it is going to be an average of £25 extra per activity (£5 per extra child) ... so even if they only go out once every other day that's an extra £75 just to cover their nieces/nephews for 3 activities and that's before the OP's own family's costs and the added cost of basic groceries/extra transport costs are factored in.

OP, I would message BiL and SiL and just say something like:

"Hey BiL/SiL!

DH and I have started drawing up plans for the half term break and we're looking forward to visit. Obviously squeezing an extra 5 kids in the house means it's going to be a week of chaos so our plan is to get out and do as much as possible so hopefully the weather will be nice!

We've looked at what's on during the holidays and were thinking of doing X/Y/Z with the kids. Would these be the kind of things you think your kids would enjoy doing? If so, would you be OK with chipping in to cover some of he entrance fees? As much as we'd love to treat the kids, having all 5 nieces and nephews at once is going to stretch the finances that particular week. If that's not possible or it's not something your kids would be in to then that's fine, just let us know so we can look at doing something else instead.

Talk to you soon! upsideup xxx

I GAVE you life is that not enough? Now I've got to live the damn thing for you!?

I like that - I'm stealing it

No no no. You offered two separate family members help with childcare. You are bonkers but that's not their fault. If they are nice they will offer but you cannot ask.

If it was me I would be sending my kid/s with enough to cover reasonable expenses for average activities, but not to cover £30/£50 entrance to expensive theme parks.

Although with that number of kids you could probably get a decent group rate!

No ways would I expect it or ask.

If I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't invite them round.

[b]When I say we offered, it was more they were telling us about how they didnt know what they were going to do with their children[/b]

It sounds like they knew exactly what they were going to do with their children...

Do you have previous form for going out of your way or other people?

Again we didnt just ask to have their children because we thought it would be nice for us, it is more like childcare or at least us doing a favour for them. Both parents had plans that seemed like they were going to be unable to make unless they found somewhere for their children to stay, If we didnt take their children, presumably they would either have to cancel the plans or pay someone else too.
We are in a different country but as we would usually be away and
this year were not we said if neccessary I'm sure we could take them.

If you're in English Heritage you can take up to 5 children in for free..