To charge family for looking after their children?

[upsideup]

We are looking after Sil's and BiL's DC (5 children) for 6 days in the easter holidays, It was all agreed a few weeks ago and we have been communicating and organising since however so far there has been no mention of payment, 5 children for for 6 days is going to be a significant amount of extra money just in food and other essentials
As its half term we will be doing days out and actvities anyway for our children but as Sil and biL are not expecting us to do these extra things, it kind of feels of wrong to expecting them to pay and we dont want our children to miss out by sticking to cheaper or free activities.
They live abroad so we dont see them that often and both parents had to go away anyway, so we offered to have the children, so they didnt ask if that makes a difference.
Normally we would go abroad in the easter holidays and we are just staying home this year so thats a saving and I guess our chidlren our benefitting from having fun with their cousins.

Would you ask for payement? and how much? If we going to ask, we are going to have to do it soon.

apparently SiL and BiL are not sure they feel comfortable with adult dsd or her bf looking after any of their children alone

Tell them it's fine. Their children don't have to come. Or they sort out which set of kids goes to yours.

Is it because it is your husbands family and not your side? I think that makes a difference.

No it is not, that makes no difference.

I’d refuse to have the children in that case - you’ll doung your best to manage and they’re throwing more spanners in the works.

I don't necessarily think they are unreasonable to not want dsd or her bf to look after their dc by themselves. I wouldn't want an unknown bf looking after my dc. If my brother and sil offered to look after my dc, I'd expect them to be doing the looking after. I would be sending money to cover costs though.
I think you have bitten off a bit more than you can easily chew, so chalk this one up to experience.

9 children! ((Faints))

It’s going to be a very long week.

They sound like pisstakers.
How do they usually manage during the holidays?

I have said this before but I will say it again: I don't think you know these individuals (BIL, SIL) well enough to have offered to do such an enormous favour. You aren't comfortable with talking to them about money, even though the visit will clearly cost you a packet just in food and fuel, even if you do cheap and free things. They aren't comfortable to trust your judgement on how you'll organise it.

All I can say is that I hope it's something genuinely important that they'll be achieving in the 6 days. At the very least I hope they're both doing a course in some specialist work skill that's only offered in the UK.

I know you said you were unlikely to make a return visit to them but what do you think they would say, out of interest, if you said 'it will be so lovely when our 4 are old enough to spend a week with you one summer holidays'?!

I agree with phiney - if they don't trust your judgment then I'd retract the offer as that doesn't bode well.

5 children for a week is a lot, if a relative was going to.look after my kids for that length if time I'd be sending spending money to cover any outings, probably giving some to the adult for outings too. As for food expenses/meals at home, probably would assume they'd have that covered but may offer a contribution. I'd speak to them and ask them to send spending money for swimming trips/cinema etc

I am a bit bemused by all the posters saying you can't ask for money. These are family members who know you well enough to trust you with their children. Surely it is not a problem to explain your plans, and ask for a contribution towards it? Anyone with a basic grasp of maths is going to realise that 5 extra DC are going to cost a significant amount.

It will cause far more problems, saying nothing, and hoping for a contribution, then resenting them if they don't cough up. Surely it is better to have a frank discussion, so you all know where you stand. TBH if that lead to a big falling out, then I would reconsider the offer, as you will end up upsetting them one way or the other if they are that unreasonable.

Blimey now they’re imposing restrictions on the help you can get - you really need to be firmer.
Total piss taking.

If you have doubts about the nature of the free childcare on offer, you do something else you don’t try and push your family around further

Is your half termt this week, OP? How is it going?

It's at Easter that OP is looking after the children, not half term.

Five kids cost a lot!

I would not ask for food costs but definitely say you have planned trips to xyz and its going to add up so could you have a contribution!

Otherwise it’s going to be googling ‘free family days out’ though not sure about your transport!?

though not sure about your transport!?

OP has mentioned the transport.

Your kids are probably freaking out with excitement at having all five cousins staying with them. To be honest, things like a theme park will be difficult to manage with 7 kids (depending on ages) so why not keep it simple? Football in the park, building a den, making their own pizzas from scratch, doing a free city search activity (Southampton recently did a hugely successful Spitfire trail). There’s loads of great free stuff on your doorstep. Their parents may offer you a contribution but you shouldn’t rely on it. If they don’t, at least you know they’ll be good to take your kids for a few days if you want to go away!

There is no way I would send my DC to any family member (apart from grandparents who asked to have them) for more than a day without offering money for food, and for 6 days I could only dream, I would give extra for household costs like washing/water and insist.

1 or 2 DC wouldn't make much of an impact admittedly as we have 4 but an extra 5!

I would never want to put anyone out especially if they were doing me a favour.

Different cultures have different expectations though and we have had DHs siblings DCs stay with us for weeks at a time and they gave no thought at all to how much it cost us for days out, let alone food.

If either of the ILs don't pick up on the fact that although they only have 2 /3 DC, you will have 5 extra, then they are indeed CFs. I would most certainly ask for a contribution as being taken advantage of would leave a bit of resentment. I wouldn't be embarrassed, if they think they shouldn't have to contribute, they should be.

^As a mum to 5 DC I would have offered money for expenses and for food, I regularly take my children to visit a friend in Liverpool for the day, I don't expect or presume that she will feed them for nothing, so we always take a picnic, that contains sandwiches, drinks, snacks for the day, and call at Mcdonalds on the way home. I would have a word with either your DH or your SIL and explain that whilst you are really looking forward to having the children, financially you will struggle to feed and entertain them for a long period. I would love for someone to offer the same for my children, although after a day I would be pining for them, I have never had so much as a day/ night off from being Mum, but then again I chose to have a large family so looking after them is my responsibility, I can do my own thing once they have flown the nest. Work out what activities you are planning, and how much it will cost to take all the children, including food and treats, be prepared to take them somewhere free to have fun, so that there will be minimum expense, look out for the two for one offers that come available for theme parks etc.i hope you do get this sorted, and have a wonderful time over Easter^