aibu to refuse swapping weekends with ex

[MagsRiff]

How do you ladies approach this?
My ex has our DS8 every other weekend. He wants to swap a weekend round (So I end up with DS 3 weekends in a row then he takes him 2 in a row) because he wants to go on holiday with his GF. He says because of work commitments that's the only dates they can both go. Well IMO he has more important commitments (you know, being a father) and should either arrange a holiday around the eowe schedule or just accept he can't go. I don't think it's fair to ask me to accommodate a private holiday.
Any separated mum's out there been in the same scenario?

Really? I would allow a bit of flexibility as you may need it too some day.

Do you have plans, need a break or are working that weekend or is this a principle of the thing matter? TBH I would allow this flexibility if he was going to also reciprocate. You never know when you’ll need him to be flexible also

Pick your fights with care.
It hurts to feel you are being taken advantage of but in the long run it is better to have a relationship which supports your child over the next many years. Than score points. Remind him that you will take it at some point and have a fun extra weekend with your child.

You're being unreasonable. He's agreed to take them two weekends in a row to compensate, and if he can't get the time off any other time, it's unfair to expect him to not go. It's not like he's refusing to take the kids at all, he's come up with a compromise.

If I were in your situation I would agree to this.

You are being very childish. You need to work together. One day you may need flexibility

YABU. Just because you wouldn’t go on holiday if the dates didn’t fit doesn’t mean he should do the same. Mothers are notorious for putting everyone else first before themselves and martyring themselves too. Do the weekend swap and keep it in mind when you need or want to do something on a particular day as well. Sometimes it’s fine to put yourself first instead of just chugging along and grinning and bearing it.

No he did it last year and I allowed it but moving forward tbh I don't feel it's fair

But neither of you would ever be able to go on a weeks holiday with or without the kids if you don’t do the occasional weekend swap. Sorry, but you’re being ridiculous.

YABU flexibility is important and you my well want to do something yourself one day that falls awkwardly.

These situations are hard enough. Why make it harder for no reason other than to be awkward?
You might need a bit of flexibility too at some point.

It’s a fair request and YABVU

I think a weekend swap to accommodate a holiday with our son is reasonable but private holidays is different

I agree with everyone else that you're being totally unreasonable. You're sounding quite petty which makes me think you're resentful of him going on holiday with his gf and your motivation is more about sabotaging that than anything else. You haven't said anything about whether your son would mind or not which should surely be the main consideration!

Private holidays? That's a very odd expression which again makes me think you're just bitter that he has any life away from you and your son, sorry.

This isn’t about your son is it? You’re jealous or not over him or something. No other reason a person would be this unreasonable

By 'private' I mean without DS. I don't know what other word to use??

Why do you think this is unfair?

Which is beneficial to your children, this minor rearrangement or having unreasonable parents who try to make each others lives difficult?

Are you annoyed that he has a GF and wants to spend time with her (are you single?)

His being in a stable relationship with a good person is likely to be beneficial to your children. I think you're being extremely unreasonable as he isn't abdicating responsibility or lowering his contact in favour of his girlfriend.

Why do I get the feeling there's going to be a big drip feed where you look to tell everyone why you aren't unreasonable?

Yes I have a partner. But we wouldn't dream of booking a holiday on our own on a weekend we are scheduled to be with DS And expect my ex to look after him!

Just watch that being inflexible doesn't come back & bite you on the arse. There's bound to come a time when you need him to accommodate a swap for you. As pp says pick your battles. You're coming across as petty.

I've got a few separated/divorced friends and they all swap custody days occasionally to accommodate their ex

This is one of those times where everyone is unanimous that op is BU but they won't even consider the possibility

YABU. He's tried to get different dates but can't. He'll probably go anyway (I would) so you may as well agree, then he owes you a favour.

Very spiteful not to, actually.