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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to refuse swapping weekends with ex

422 replies

MagsRiff · 20/01/2018 06:23

How do you ladies approach this?
My ex has our DS8 every other weekend. He wants to swap a weekend round (So I end up with DS 3 weekends in a row then he takes him 2 in a row) because he wants to go on holiday with his GF. He says because of work commitments that's the only dates they can both go. Well IMO he has more important commitments (you know, being a father) and should either arrange a holiday around the eowe schedule or just accept he can't go. I don't think it's fair to ask me to accommodate a private holiday.
Any separated mum's out there been in the same scenario?

OP posts:
Darkstar4855 · 20/01/2018 07:21

YABVU. He’s not even asking you to do more weekends, just swap one. It would be different if you already had big plans for the weekend in question or were going away yourself but you haven’t said that.

Sounds like you’re just jealous he’s going on holiday with someone else and therefore being petty and mean about childcare arrangements. How sad.

Partypopper123 · 20/01/2018 07:24

If you take this stance you'd better hope that you never need to ask him to swap for any reason.
You would should take everyone's advice here ad allow the swap, as one day you may well be in the same position (for whatever reason).
Btw you come across as envious of the 'private' holiday.

Valarmorghulisss · 20/01/2018 07:25

You're only hurting yourself with your lack of flexibility. You never know when you'll need his help for something similar. And what does it matter if he's with ds this weekend or next? He's not asking you to take more than your fair share, it's just swapping. Yabvu, sorry.

Ghanagirl · 20/01/2018 07:25

It’s unanimous, you’re bvu!

PeonyTruffle · 20/01/2018 07:25

Sorry op but I think you’re being a bit petty and unnecessarily digging your heels in.

Like others have said, pick your battles

DottyS · 20/01/2018 07:27

I think you are being unreasonable. I have friends in your situation and no way would they refuse this swap.

You are being a tad unreasonable so perhaps this is more to do with your husband going on holiday with a GF than you son. Maybe food for thought

HotelEuphoria · 20/01/2018 07:28

I don't get how you can have a weeks holiday Saturday to Saturday without ever doing a swap? Either of you. Whilst you may not want to go without DAs as the main carer it seems odd that your ex is only allowed a holiday with his DP if they go mid week to mid week and neither of.you can ever have two weeks with it without the child right?

TeeBee · 20/01/2018 07:28

Me and my ex do this all the time. It's called not being a twat. Life's hard enough without making a fuss about things like this and it's easier if you can help each other out. You might need him to do it for you one day.

Jobjobjob · 20/01/2018 07:29

YABU and this is likely to back fire!

You also sound bitter and jealous.

Valarmorghulisss · 20/01/2018 07:29

Oh, and I've been in the same position plenty of times. Sometimes ex has to travel for work. Here and there he's taken holidays with gf. I don't care what he does with the time that we swapped, not my business.

stickytoffeevodka · 20/01/2018 07:34

Lots of people have jobs that restrict their holidays. If he can never get time off to fit your demands, does that mean he's never allowed a holiday without his son until he's 18 then? Don't be ridiculous.

You have an ex who is asking you and arranging to make up the time afterwards. That's a good thing - please don't sabotage a decent co-parenting relationship by being spiteful.

Chocolatecake12 · 20/01/2018 07:35

It’s very easy to think to yourself that plans are set in stone and should stay that way.
Think about the reasons you aren’t willing to swap with him. Are they really what matters to your ds?
Instead think about the 3 weeks you will have together without interruption. Plan some nice things to do.
Maybe you could even think about having a holiday with your dp and asking your ex to swap with you!
Flexibility with any arrangement is always going to be beneficial to everyone involved. Including your ds.

cansu · 20/01/2018 07:35

Yabvvu you may need a swap one day and then you will feel you have been ridiculous.

jellycat1 · 20/01/2018 07:36

Yes YABU. My sister and best friend both separated from DCs fathers and both had this nonsense from them and it was so petty and pathetic. Why not be flexible? It's no skin off your nose and you might need a favour some day.

Tinkie25 · 20/01/2018 07:37

Sorry but yabu

happilyeverafta · 20/01/2018 07:38

You are being very U OP.

Are you jealous of your x?

I'm saying this as a stepmom with a particularly nasty ex wife in the picture. Like other pp have said, you need to pick your battles.

We have the DSC every other weekend, if one of us is going away then we discuss it and swap, yes sometimes it means we have the for 3 wknds dubbing etc but hey it's a bonus for my DH to see them more! And vice versa we then get our 'private' holiday too.

One day you'll need this flexibility.

Ghanagirl · 20/01/2018 07:42

OP are you listening to posters?

pinkhorse · 20/01/2018 07:42

Why on earth would you not swap? You sound bitter and nasty. Me and my ex swap regularly and help each other out regardless of what it's for.

Jobjobjob · 20/01/2018 07:44

OP are you listening to posters?

I don't think so!

Hmm
Guavaf1sh · 20/01/2018 07:44

I’m in the same situation but we swap quite often for all sorts of reasons. It’s completely unrealistic for you to expect to never be in the same situation as him one day. Grow up

YABU

fannyanddick · 20/01/2018 07:45

You would agree to the holiday but if it's that you don't want to not see your children for two weeks then you could agree to covering his weekend but not him having yours.

ProperLavs · 20/01/2018 07:45

YABVVVU op. Get a grip.

fannyanddick · 20/01/2018 07:45

I would rather

Auntpetunia2015 · 20/01/2018 07:47

YABU

lifechangesforeverinjuly · 20/01/2018 07:49

So VVVVVVVU - you're basically saying he's not allowed a life separate from your son's life.

Sounds like you're more annoyed about him going with his GF. It's not a 'private holiday' it's his holiday with his partner.

What about when you want to go away just you and a significant other or some friends?