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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this is one of the cheekiest things I've been asked?

364 replies

MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 13:38

Due to go ski-ing at half-term. There is usually a group of us who go, a bit disparate and not close friends but ski-mates with kids. It was a diminished number of us due to go this year for various reasons but one ski-friend and her son were coming & I thought they were all booked.

Get a phone call today, from said friend, saying that she's had some health problems - ongoing since last October - and she never actually made the booking. I am sympathetic to the health problems, but was fairly shocked to hear she had never made the booking, as I understood that she had. Then she asks me if I could take her daughter (16) and have her share our room (my DS 18 & DD 15) , and she wouldn't come at all.

I think this is a MASSIVE ask and a bit of a piss take. AIBU to think that?

OP posts:
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 16/01/2018 13:41

So she's not booked for herself or her kids but she wants you to squeeze her DD in?

Bluntness100 · 16/01/2018 13:42

I would say no to this. I'd also wonder who else she asked. Did she offer to pay?

cantucciniamaretto · 16/01/2018 13:43

Not necessarily. You say she is your friend, I would do that for a friend who was having serious health problems. You don't have to by any measure , but why be so awful about her simply asking?

Bluntness100 · 16/01/2018 13:44

This reply has been deleted

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araiwa · 16/01/2018 13:45

A sick friend not wanting her dd to miss out doesnt strike me as being cheeky

fourandnomore · 16/01/2018 13:45

I wouldn't want to be responsible for someone else's child while on a skiing holiday, bundled into a room that's too small but she obviously doesn't want her child to miss out because of her ill health. That's fine but if you're not comfortable with it you are fine to just say that. It would be a big responsibility.

swingofthings · 16/01/2018 13:45

Depends. Her health problems might have put her under a lot of stress and maybe she is gutted that she hasn't been able to go and feel terrible for her daughter so she's asked you in desperation.

In your shoes, I would speak with her and try to get a bit more information before considering that she is just being very cheeky. I would do it for a friend if I thought it was indeed her health holding her back and I know my kids would support me in that decision.

Pengggwn · 16/01/2018 13:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fourandnomore · 16/01/2018 13:47

I don't think she is cheeky though. She's just asking a friend for some help but it is a big ask and one that needs planning. I am sure she would rather be coming and probably just didn't book as she didn't know if she'd be well enough.

NancyDonahue · 16/01/2018 13:48

She isn't cheeky to ask. For all she knows having a friend for your own dcs could be a huge help to you. I assume she's offered to pay for her dd?

It would only be cheeky if you said no and She pushed it or tried to guilt you into it, or if she didn't offer to pay her dds share.

user1495451339 · 16/01/2018 13:49

Does that mean you are the only adult or are you going with a partner as well as your children? Is bad not telling you as you may have chosen to do something different if she wasn't coming. Not sure about child thing - if he/she gets on with your children/is well behaved maybe it's not so bad. I wouldn't take if they don't get on though.

sonjadog · 16/01/2018 13:50

Why cheeky? She isn´t well and asked if you could take her son/daughter along. It´s a request not a command. If you don't want to, say no.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 16/01/2018 13:50

Where?

CremeFresh · 16/01/2018 13:51

Is it her son or daughter ? You initially put son then changed to daughter.

FizzyGreenWater · 16/01/2018 13:51

Not necessarily massively cheeky, depending on closeness, but a huge responsibility and I'd probably say no.

helenoftroyville · 16/01/2018 13:52

It depends how good a friend she is?

Obviously if a close friend was in poor health, and feeling guilty about her DD missing out on the holiday l, I'd try my best to help out, so I'd probably agree.

Although that sounds like a lot of people in one room, perhaps she should pay for an extra room and you can shuffle people around a bit.

Weezol · 16/01/2018 13:52

YANBU.

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 13:52

I don't think I've said anything awful about my ski-friend cantuccinia at all. I can see nothing that I've said that is derogatory about her in any way.

Definitely her DD, no idea why I put son. I think probably because my son is on my mind in it all.

I suppose I'm surprised that she led me to believe that she had booked the holiday.

I'm surprised that she didn't think to mention to me at any point that she might not be able to ski or even go.

We live in different parts of the country, so I'm surprised that having only had email & text exchanges, all of which led me to believe she was booked up, that she never did book and now 4 weeks before the holiday she phones out of the blue to ask if I can take her DD, who will have to share a room with 3 of us, including my 18 year old son and presumably who I will have to accept responsibility for on a winter sports holiday.

OP posts:
PinkAvocado · 16/01/2018 13:52

If she is a friend and has health problems so cannot go herself then I don’t think her asking and trying to make it so that her son/daughter can still go is cheeky as you can say no.

liz70 · 16/01/2018 13:54

"You do know you changed the gender of th child don't you. Thr child starts off a boy and changes to a daughter. Always makes me wonder if something is real..."

Perhaps the dc in question is gender fluid. Wink

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 13:56

PinkAvocado, she could still go, just couldn't ski. However, everything is booked solid..

She doesn't have anything life threatening. She has a problem with her hip, that means she can't ski. It has been a problem on & off over the years, it has got worse and she's now on the waiting list for surgery of some kind.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 16/01/2018 13:57

I think it would be entirely reasonable to say no. You don't have room for her and its a big responsibility. You don't have to say yes just because she asked.

expatinscotland · 16/01/2018 13:58

I don't think she's cheeky if she means to pay for her DD to go. You can say no if you think you're too squished or you cannot afford to pay for her.

TaurielTest · 16/01/2018 13:58

"her DD will have to share a room with 3 of us" and "I will have to accept responsibility for [her] on a winter sports holiday" - no, none of this has to happen, because you can, and should, decline.

Almostthere15 · 16/01/2018 13:58

I wouldn't personally take her. I wouldn't feel ok about having responsibility for someone else's child on a winter/active holiday, particularly when they aren't a child i see much. I would take my best friends kids away in a heartbeat but our children are friends and we see one another every week.

It's not cheeky she asked, or hasn't said till now (maybe she'd been hoping to feel better by now) but it's also not cheeky to say no.