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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this is one of the cheekiest things I've been asked?

364 replies

MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 13:38

Due to go ski-ing at half-term. There is usually a group of us who go, a bit disparate and not close friends but ski-mates with kids. It was a diminished number of us due to go this year for various reasons but one ski-friend and her son were coming & I thought they were all booked.

Get a phone call today, from said friend, saying that she's had some health problems - ongoing since last October - and she never actually made the booking. I am sympathetic to the health problems, but was fairly shocked to hear she had never made the booking, as I understood that she had. Then she asks me if I could take her daughter (16) and have her share our room (my DS 18 & DD 15) , and she wouldn't come at all.

I think this is a MASSIVE ask and a bit of a piss take. AIBU to think that?

OP posts:
Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 16:03

Sandy, I wondered if her DD were in on something, but she is a very sweet, slightly dappy girl (and I mean that nicely), so I ruled that out in my mind. I do like the DD and feel bad for her - but that shouldn't have to be my issue.

TBH, I think this is probably the end of the ski-ing group anyway. Most of the others have dropped off because their DC are too old now and we were almost there too. This may well have been the last trip of its kind, or at best penultimate.

I coming around to thinking that my ski-friend is just trying to guilt me into taking her DD, as she may not have been straight with her too and is now trying to swing her the holiday she promised.

OP posts:
juneau · 16/01/2018 16:06

IMO it would be inappropriate for an 18-year-old boy and a 16-year-old girl to share a room on holiday who aren't bro/sis.

Is she being cheeky? Yes, IMO she's being an arse for dumping this request on you at the last minute.

So just say no. I know as a 16-year-old girl I would not have wanted to share a room with an 18-year-old boy who I wasn't either related to or in a relationship with.

alotalotalot · 16/01/2018 16:07

Maybe the DD isn't entirely happy about the whole thing either if she thought she was going with her mum.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 16/01/2018 16:07

I would say no, look after your own.

Knittedfairies · 16/01/2018 16:07

So your friend kept quiet about not booking for months when even her daughter thought she had? And checked with the ski company before speaking to you? I think you are quite within your rights to say no.

If her daughter had an accident on the ski slopes and needed hospital treatment, would you be comfortable leaving your DS and DD if you had to be involved in her care/getting her home?

eddielizzard · 16/01/2018 16:10

if i were her dd there's no way i'd be happy with this arrangement.. besides the point i know.

i would say you don't feel comfortable with it, and nor does your ds.

i think it's a huge imposition, before tackling the notion that she deliberately misled you. if she had asked straight out i would have considered it but given that she's sort of tricked you, it would be a flat no.

usualGubbins · 16/01/2018 16:11

I agree with juneau that this room sharing is inappropriate. It's a big responsibility taking someone else's teen with you. Personally I wouldn't do it.

nocampinghere · 16/01/2018 16:11

ah i thought it was a big group of you going!
I'd be mad then.
No way take her dd.

timeisnotaline · 16/01/2018 16:13

Are you sure your ds wouldn’t love the idea? I can’t think of 18 year old guys who are uncomfortable sharing with a 16 yo girl, more the other way around.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2018 16:13

It is cheeky, is she offering to pay for her dd share, and to provide spending money for her dd. I would say no, sorry I cannot.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2018 16:14

Not only that, she is still a child and you would be responsible for her, big ask.

smartiecake · 16/01/2018 16:16

I would not take her DD if it were me. What if she is ill or has an accident or the kids have a falling out?
Also, has she offered you any money towards the accommodation and food?
Are you even allowed to add another person into the room? Is it a lodge or a hotel? What about spending money and what if she runs out?
I would not want the responsibility of someone elses child no matter how nice they were and i would be really pissed off if i were you. She should have been straight with you and said she wasnt sure if she was fit enough to go etc and then you would have known that you were the only adult and may have decided to do a different type of holiday.

Subtleconstraints · 16/01/2018 16:16

I think it is a bit of an imposition tbh, particularly when she hasn't been exactly open about it. Also, it has totally changed the dynamic of two single mums holidaying together, to you -alone - in charge of the teens. The change of plans wouldn't be so bad if you were going to be there with just your dcs, as that is potentially a relaxing family holiday, but with an additional child, not so much!

Funnyface1 · 16/01/2018 16:19

I think she's assuming you'll be too polite to say no. She's put you in a really awkward position.

I personally wouldn't want to be responsible for someone else's child on this type of holiday. And her deceptive way with this would leave me feeling free to say no without guilt.

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 16:19

LOL timeisnotaline! I don't think there is any attraction there at all - there certainly hasn't been over the years. DS is a bit shy too, not one of those larger than life super-confident teenage boys - so I think he'd find the thought of having to be in his PJs, sleep & wake up, use the same bathroom in the same room a bit daunting. Plus I'm there too, so it is probably all a bit cringey.

The more I think about it, the more it feels like it will be a no. If the DC think it is the best idea ever, I may be persuaded otherwise, but at the moment I'm headed to a 'no'.

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 16/01/2018 16:21

Honestly?

I would just tell her no. Since no other grown ups are coming now, you're just going to spend some quality time with your own two children. This may be a very rare opportunity you have to have them together on a holiday like this, too, without anyone else considering their ages. The 18 year old is going to want to do his own thing soon...

Be firm, kind, but say no. Enjoy your DC. Enjoy your space. Suggest you can try again next year, if that's an option for you.

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 16:22

I think you are right Funnyface. I am a bit over-polite and a bit of a pleaser. The fact she'd checked flights & spoken to the holiday company about how many beds were in the room before me, makes me think she had it planned - but that makes me feel a bit uncomfortable - as it suggests that she's using me, so I'm trying not to think that.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 16/01/2018 16:22

The all in one room thing would kill it for me. I can barely stand to share with myself much less 4 in 1 bedroom.

OlafLovesAnna · 16/01/2018 16:23

I think it would definitely be a no from me. I'd be put out by the other mum's duplicity but equally thinking that if this is your one 'big' holiday of the year then I'd rather just spend it with my own children.

I would also be very wary of taking responsibility for someone else's child on a winter sports holiday; best case injury scenario is you using days of your holiday to care for her dd after a minor bump or break and the worse case doesn't even bear thinking about.

Serialweightwatcher · 16/01/2018 16:23

I'd say no - she put you on the spot and probably lied to her DD as she appears to have done to you. I wouldn't be happy with that at all.

FluffyWuffy100 · 16/01/2018 16:23

(IMO it would be inappropriate for an 18-year-old boy and a 16-year-old girl to share a room on holiday who aren't bro/sis.

Not always.

There are mixed-sex dorm rooms in many hostels.

expatinscotland · 16/01/2018 16:26

Why tell your kids? WTF? Are they paying for the holiday? No? Then it's not their decision. I'd just say no, that doesn't work for us. And no sorry or explanation.

Weezol · 16/01/2018 16:28

Margo She is using you.

TheMerryWidow1 · 16/01/2018 16:29

are you sure she hasn't had a better offer and you are babysitting whilst she goes somewhere else!! I think its cheeky, has she mentioned money at all? Good luck stick to what you and your family want to do, its your holiday. Not your responsibility.

Tapandgo · 16/01/2018 16:31

No, no, no.
Taking responsibility for someone’s child abroad and while skiing? No way - add deception in and it’s a big NO.

‘Sorry friend. Just too much responsibility that would put me on edge all holiday’