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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this is one of the cheekiest things I've been asked?

364 replies

MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 13:38

Due to go ski-ing at half-term. There is usually a group of us who go, a bit disparate and not close friends but ski-mates with kids. It was a diminished number of us due to go this year for various reasons but one ski-friend and her son were coming & I thought they were all booked.

Get a phone call today, from said friend, saying that she's had some health problems - ongoing since last October - and she never actually made the booking. I am sympathetic to the health problems, but was fairly shocked to hear she had never made the booking, as I understood that she had. Then she asks me if I could take her daughter (16) and have her share our room (my DS 18 & DD 15) , and she wouldn't come at all.

I think this is a MASSIVE ask and a bit of a piss take. AIBU to think that?

OP posts:
Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 14:50

I am gutted actually. We always have such a laugh on the ski holiday and she was the mum I got on with best. We've skied together for nearly 10 years, although the various members of the group have changed a bit, she & I have always been in it.

It is the most expensive thing I do each year & I've been looking forward to this for months.

I need to re-group and get my head around a different type of holiday this year and think hard about adding another teenager into the mix with my DC tonight.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 16/01/2018 14:56

I really, really wouldn't- unless you want to do it for purely charitable reasons.

At least if it's just you and your own kids you can bum around in your jimjams, and read books in the evening. Get some proper R&R in.

But if you take her, you'll just be stuck making awkward conversation with someone else's kid all day and night.

All of the disadvantages of being the only adult, with none of the relaxation of a family holiday.

MammaAgata · 16/01/2018 15:00

I'd be really pissed off about that. It's basically an entirely different holiday with you being the only adult with 3 teenagers, as opposed to being with a friend. I'm sure in a ski resort their idea of evening entertainment even at that age is going to be different from yours - and lunches etc. Some of the best bits about skiing are the long chatty lunches with a beer or two whilst the young un's go off bombing down various runs. Well, it is in my case but i'm a fairly pedestrian skier these days! What I can't fathom is how you didn't communicate enough to realise she had not booked? Surely there are flights, transfers etc to consider. I can't work out how this could happen without massive communication. Or is that just my experience of organising/going on a ski holiday? Detailed with military precision.. Anyway.. It's happened. Again, one thing I can't work out is how a teenager can just possibly "share" a room. A chalet type arrangement would be on a strictly by head basis for catering. Impossible to just squeeze one more person in without paying lots extra, and surely a hotel room has a set number of beds? How can she even share with the 3 of you in the first place? I can't get my head around that detail i'm afraid. (apologies but I can't see if you have explained this already). The answer would be a firm no from me. It's sad that the daughter is going to lose out but that's not your problem - and I'm normally generous on this type of thing. The more the merrier and all that. What would piss me off more is not the fact that she asked you for the daughter to join you, but the fact you are essentially now going on holiday on your own which I'm sure if you had realised that a while ago you may well not have booked the holiday in the first place.

BashStreetKid · 16/01/2018 15:12

I don’t think it’s that cheeky if she is willing to pay for all her daughters expenses. Her daughter is 16 not 6 so I assume capable of looking after herself.

It is cheeky when it entails her dd sharing a room with three people. Why can't she book a separate room for her daughter?

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 15:12

MammaAgata, we booked with a ski holiday company - or at least I thought we both had. I've been back through the email trail & texts and whilst it all sounds positive, saying she likes that resort, likes that hotel, "yes, lets go for it" she never actually says anywhere in emails or texts "Yes, I've booked".

So, it sounds like she's positive and that she has committed and her DD certainly thought so too, as she's been in touch with my two about how much she's looking forward to it - BUT somewhere along the lines, I assumed (which I shouldn't have done) that she had booked, when she hadn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 15:13

BashStreet - the hotel is fully booked now.

OP posts:
BashStreetKid · 16/01/2018 15:13

I would imagine she put off booking because she didn't know if she would be well enough to go and didn't want to spend a lot of money on a trip that she wouldn't be able to take. Maybe she didn't tell you before because she was hoping it would work out.

Why on earth would you keep something like that a secret from the person you're supposed to be going with? Surely she must have been aware that it would affect other decisions about the holiday. How would it hurt her to tell OP that this was a possible issue and therefore she couldn't book yet?

I really don't see that she has done anything wrong here.

I do!

BashStreetKid · 16/01/2018 15:14

Would the hotel even allow another person in the room?

BrokenBattleDroid · 16/01/2018 15:15

Can you send a message something along the lines of:

"I'm sorry to hear that you aren't feeling up to going, but to be honest I feel a bit tricked after you led me to believe that this was a group holiday that you had booked for all this time.

It has now turned into a ski trip with just my own kids, which is fine I guess, but I really don't fancy having additional children to be looking out without even having any additional space. I love having your DD around, but that doesn't mean I want to take her on holiday without you. I wouldn't have even taken my OWN kids on this holiday if I had realised it would be without any of the rest of the group - that's part of the fun of it for all of us.

Obviously you are perfectly entitled to not want to go on a skiing holiday but I'm left feeling rather confused and disappointed about why you led me to believe we'd be going together when you were never intending to come. It feels a bit... mean. Is there something you are not telling me?"

Chocolate50 · 16/01/2018 15:15

say 'no', there, solved!

UrsulaPandress · 16/01/2018 15:15

Are you flying?

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 15:18

Yes, flying Ursula. Amazingly there are still seats on the plane. She's holding one, or the ski company is, I'm not sure which, for her DD for 48 hours. She phone the ski company before she phoned me to check what I'd booked. I think the ski company may have breached confidentiality by giving details of my booking but that is a whole other story!

OP posts:
sonjadog · 16/01/2018 15:18

I wouldn't send that message. It reads "You are sick but I am making it all about ME".

UrsulaPandress · 16/01/2018 15:20

Can the hotel find another room for the girls in the party then at least you don't have the issue of all being in one room?

If not then I would definitely say no.

cupcakesandglitter · 16/01/2018 15:21

I wouldn't do it - she should've said that she never booked it, and calling the company is ridiculous. If you aren't close friends why should you cramp up to fit her daughter into your room?

alotalotalot · 16/01/2018 15:22

I do think you need to have a conversation along the lines of brokens suggestion.

user1495451339 · 16/01/2018 15:24

I think it is really bad of her to do this to you. Really, I think you need to tell her how upset you are that she misled you. Asking for her daughter to come is wrong, she could have booked for both of them as arranged even if she couldn't ski. Or she could have been honest and told you she wasn't able to come. She has really left you in it.

alotalotalot · 16/01/2018 15:24

And sondja - she is entitled to make it all about me. She's in a situation that she shouldn't be in.

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 15:24

Ursula, there is no larger party. It is a slightly random group of us that have been going for a number of years. The group varies from year to year and this year it was only going to be the two of us single mums going. So, there is no group or any other adult that could share responsibility - it is would just be me.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 16/01/2018 15:25

I would say what broken battle droid said.

Phalenopsisgirl · 16/01/2018 15:26

A bit of an ask, plus where on earth has hotel rooms that sleep 5 adults! I would absolutely be happy for 16 year old to tag along with my party in own room but would be very dubious about having her share a room with me. That’s bizarre.

BrokenBattleDroid · 16/01/2018 15:26

I wouldn't send that message. It reads "You are sick but I am making it all about ME"

I have to disagree. From what the OP says the friend has had an ongoing issue that hasn't stopped her going on skiing trips in the past (whether she skis or not isn't clear). She's now let the OP think she'll go this time, hasn't previous mentioned her health issues being a barrier, and is revealing at the 11th hour that she had never booked to come. Oh, and can the OP squeeze her daughter into the holiday.

I don't think the health issues really come into it - if they did she could have said at the beginning that she'd like to come in theory but would book nearer the time to make sure her hip will be ok. She also let her daughter think she'd be going by the sound of it.

FluffyWuffy100 · 16/01/2018 15:27

Then she asks me if I could take her daughter (16) and have her share our room (my DS 18 & DD 15) , and she wouldn't come at all.

LOL

That is a no.

MotherofTerriers · 16/01/2018 15:27

I'd message her and say how disappointed you are she isn't coming, and couldn't she come and just not ski? I'd say no to her dd coming with you - it doesn't sound like the trip would be any fun for you, and I don't think it's fair on your son to have to share with a 16 year old girl who isn't his sister. Plus she'd have a friend there and he wouldn't

chocatoo · 16/01/2018 15:27

I wouldn't take the other girl - it will be awkward in the hotel room, especially for your son. Also, you will have some degree of responsibility for her.
FWIW I think your friend has been rather selfish not letting you know sooner as you could have made other plans.