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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this is one of the cheekiest things I've been asked?

364 replies

MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 13:38

Due to go ski-ing at half-term. There is usually a group of us who go, a bit disparate and not close friends but ski-mates with kids. It was a diminished number of us due to go this year for various reasons but one ski-friend and her son were coming & I thought they were all booked.

Get a phone call today, from said friend, saying that she's had some health problems - ongoing since last October - and she never actually made the booking. I am sympathetic to the health problems, but was fairly shocked to hear she had never made the booking, as I understood that she had. Then she asks me if I could take her daughter (16) and have her share our room (my DS 18 & DD 15) , and she wouldn't come at all.

I think this is a MASSIVE ask and a bit of a piss take. AIBU to think that?

OP posts:
SandAndSea · 16/01/2018 14:25

I think I would put it to your family and agree this one together. Take it from there.

expatinscotland · 16/01/2018 14:27

I wouldn't want to share the one room altogether. And is she paying for her DD to come along? It would have to be a no from me.

Witchend · 16/01/2018 14:28

eleport, no not a big group this year, was just going to be the two of us single mums & DC. I guess I'm disappointed about that too.
So it was just going to be you and your dc, and her and her dd?

Definitely not in my book. It's one thing as a possibility when there's other adults there and you can ask a quick eye to be kept on them (I have a 17yo, who is fairly independent, but you still are responsible for them) or if there's an argument between them you can split them during the day. Just adding another child to your party is just doubling the responsibility-always harder with someone else's child.

FizzyGreenWater · 16/01/2018 14:29

Hang on it's NOT a group? Just you and the kids? So basically she's dropped out leaving you as the only adult?!

OMG didn't realise that bit!

Scratch previous. I'd go NUTS. And no I wouldn't be playing host - bad enough that you're left in limbo with no other adult, at least you'l get a holiday with your children and some nice bonding time out of it instead. Which will be totally disrupted by the presence of her daughter.

Incidentally, you realise then that if it's just your family, instead of your son and daughter having one another as company, your DD will have a pal and your son will be on his own?? (though sharing a room with them both Confused !!)

NO!

crackerjacket · 16/01/2018 14:29

Don't see how there's anything to discuss really.

It's just 'no'

CorbynsBumFlannel · 16/01/2018 14:30

I don't see how whether she booked or not is relevant to whether you are willing to look after her dd. If she can't ski then she would likely be asking the question regardless. Maybe they are having financial trouble and meant to book later but then didn't because of the hip?
It's simple enough anyway. If you're happy to be responsible for an extra teen say yes and if not then say it's too much responsibility. I don't think there's anything wrong with her asking.

Shimmershimmerandshine · 16/01/2018 14:30

Hang on it's NOT a group? Just you and the kids? So basically she's dropped out leaving you as the only adult?!

Well one of the 'kids' is 18. Sharing a room is a ridiculous idea, however so YANBU

MyBrilliantDisguise · 16/01/2018 14:30

So you're now going to be the only adult? That would really piss me off. Presumably part of the fun of your holiday as a single mum was that you'd have some company?

mylaptopismylapdog · 16/01/2018 14:32

To big an ask, the added responsibility would spoil the holiday if it were me, she could come herself and not ski.

FizzyGreenWater · 16/01/2018 14:32

Oh yes Shimmer but you know what I mean.

Oher adult friends present for you to let your hair down with, have some 'mates' company with, as well as those persons who happen to be your children and who are therefore in a slightly different category!

No way would I want to be on holiday with just me and then the 'next generation' unless it was just me and my kids, as a family holiday.

It's totally different.

Feel for the DS most now actually - bit crap for him.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 16/01/2018 14:33

And while it's annoying that you won't have company if the friend can't ski due to an injury or hip problem I don't see how that could have been avoided.

UrsulaPandress · 16/01/2018 14:35

Hell no. All of you stuck in one room. No way.

mummmy2017 · 16/01/2018 14:35

Fizzy Green Water. why would you need to send something like that.

Maybe next year they might all want to go next year and this would colour the issue...

All you need to do is tell her it's a shame she can't go, you hope she is better soon, you wish she had said something earlier, as you were looking forward to her company..

With DS in the room , we both feel it would be a bit odd for your DD, so think it's best if she doesn't come.

OR
Have chatted to my DC and they both would like your DD to come with us, the share of room will be X amount and can you let me also have x amount for the food and passes, I will let you know if it's any extra, or return any unused.

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 14:35

Thanks all - really good to get your thoughts.

Definitely a big conversation with my two over dinner tonight.

I'm not good at saying no, so this will be a tough one for me, if it comes to that.

OP posts:
Lymmmummy · 16/01/2018 14:37

I think you say “I am so sorry to hear that but unfortunately we have given it some thought and decided that we wouldn’t be comfortable having your DD for a variety of reasons - can you perhaps find someone else she can travel with”

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 14:38

It's a bit crap for me too Fizzy. I booked the holiday that I did, thinking there would be another adult going. I love my DC to bits & we have a laugh, but they will want to peel off & do young people things & I will either have to tag along, make them do the stuff I want to do and so on. With another adult, the DCs can go off & do their stuff and grown ups do their stuff at various times - it is just a different holiday. Anyway, that's just me feeling a bit selfish & miffed.

OP posts:
swingofthings · 16/01/2018 14:41

If you are going with a few other families/friends and all know each other, maybe they will also take her under their wing so it's not just your responsibility.

If you were planning this trip as an opportunity to spend quality time with just your kids (I know having teenagers that holidays can be the only time they actually do act like they belong to a family!), then don't be afraid to explain this and that her DD being there will very much disturb it.

I just realised that she did call you, not emailed you.

alotalotalot · 16/01/2018 14:42

If it was only the two families I'd be bloody annoyed that she led you to believe she'd booked and she hadn't. You may not have booked inn the first place if you'd have known she wan't going. And I'd make that known. So you'll be on your own with the teens. If you take her DD you'll be even more on your own as they'll be even more likely to venture out together.

Wow she's done a number on you hasn't she.
Different if she'd become ill then not been able to go.

CheesyWeez · 16/01/2018 14:42

On holiday with other people's teenagers is a big responsibility. What if she breaks her ankle/ wants to go out to the nightclub - you'll feel obliged to pick them up at 2am! I'd say the mum should book for herself and her DD even if she doesn't actually ski!
It's a big ask, the responsibility, the insurance, the sharing of a room with 3 teenagers. You know them though, will they be nice all together and you get a rest, or will the DD spoil your expensive holiday with your kids? I agree with a PP to ask your kids what they think and go from there.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 16/01/2018 14:45

swingofthings The OP and the other woman were going to be the only adults there.

Flomper · 16/01/2018 14:46

I f it was a bigger group with other adults I would say surely the DD can be squeezed in somewhere, on a couch or whatever. But leaving you as the omly adult is a bit shit I think. I think she could easily go and not ski - save on ski hire etc. However, are there any flights left even for her or her DD or are you driving? (Eurotunnel is full for HT though I'm sure).

Do you have a chalet or just one room in a hotel booked?

I don't actually think its that cheeky in the grand scheme of things for her to simply ask - not sure of the logistics though. I think I'd be trying to encourage her to come and not ski - but not sure how feasible that is now. Mind you, we go skiing as a group Feb HT and there is usually a last minute booking when one parent and a kid or whatever squeeze in at the last minute. Doesn't impact me though, which this might.

If you take just the DD could your DS or her sleep on a couch or something?

Oooocrikeyitscold · 16/01/2018 14:46

If it wasn’t a different type of holiday then you could say yes. But skiing is a big responsibility with obvious risks however good they are at skiing.

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 14:46

swingofthings - v small group of 2 this year, so no one else to do the under the wing thing. The group has just diminished to one - although it was always only one, I just didn't know that!!!!!

OP posts:
CheesyWeez · 16/01/2018 14:46

Sorry I was slow at typing. You are not being selfish! You didn't sign up for this holiday at all. I'd be miffed too. Could you cancel as you don't want to go as the sole adult?

alotalotalot · 16/01/2018 14:49

I would keep it to the family holiday that you inadvertently and unknowingly booked.