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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this is one of the cheekiest things I've been asked?

364 replies

MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 13:38

Due to go ski-ing at half-term. There is usually a group of us who go, a bit disparate and not close friends but ski-mates with kids. It was a diminished number of us due to go this year for various reasons but one ski-friend and her son were coming & I thought they were all booked.

Get a phone call today, from said friend, saying that she's had some health problems - ongoing since last October - and she never actually made the booking. I am sympathetic to the health problems, but was fairly shocked to hear she had never made the booking, as I understood that she had. Then she asks me if I could take her daughter (16) and have her share our room (my DS 18 & DD 15) , and she wouldn't come at all.

I think this is a MASSIVE ask and a bit of a piss take. AIBU to think that?

OP posts:
GrockleBocs · 16/01/2018 13:59

How would it work with travel, insurance, food etc? Are you driving there?

Crispbutty · 16/01/2018 13:59

I don’t think it’s that cheeky if she is willing to pay for all her daughters expenses. Her daughter is 16 not 6 so I assume capable of looking after herself.

nocampinghere · 16/01/2018 14:00

She's only asked.
You don't feel comfortable, your ds in the room is a good enough reason
Just say no
not sure why so much angst

OliviaBenson · 16/01/2018 14:01

Just say no!! It's a cheeky request in my view.

NancyDonahue · 16/01/2018 14:02

In that case I would say no, op. All in one room is hard enough with your own dcs! Maybe if you'd rented a whole house it would be different.

Say no and move on. Enjoy your holiday.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 16/01/2018 14:03

That's a very big ask of someone who isn't a close friend - pretty cheeky if you ask me. Sharing your room and having to supervise an extra teenager on a winter sports holiday? Definitely decline, it's unfair on your DS and likely to be stressful for you.

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 14:04

nocamping, I'm not angsty, just really surprised and a bit thrown by the request, hence posting. Don't feel sure what to do and don't have DH or P to share my uncertainty with - so it is really helpful to get some extra input.

OP posts:
Witchend · 16/01/2018 14:07

It is cheeky to ask now.

If she'd asked back when they were booking, then, no I wouldn't regard it as cheeky, I'd regard it as looking at options. But to drop it in now-with the guilt trip that they can't go if they don't say yes is cheeky.

For me, I wouldn't be keen. I like my space, as do the rest of the family, and if I was holidaying with friends I would need to be away from them for a while. If they were really good friends with one of my dc and the other didn't mind them, and I knew they'd behave fine, then I would probably say yes.

ReanimatedSGB · 16/01/2018 14:08

It's possible that her health issue means she has been unable to work and therefore couldn't afford to book, but has let her DD believe that the holiday is going ahead, which is why she's asking you this now.

However, even if that is the case, you don't have to agree to it. Her DD's holiday is not your responsibility.

elportodelgato · 16/01/2018 14:09

Are you all in a big group chalet or a hotel? I think it's a big ask tbh. Would any of the other people in your group be able to have her in their accommodation eg: if they have more rooms booked?

Trinity66 · 16/01/2018 14:10

Just say no, that isn't possible, you don't have enough space

bellie710 · 16/01/2018 14:13

Apart from the room dynamics being slightly awkward, it is a huge responsibility taking someone else's child ski-ing! If it was one of my DDs friends and they got on really well then I might say yes, but still a huge ask!

mummmy2017 · 16/01/2018 14:14

It's more a case of do the girls get on?
How have you sorted the rooms for this trip, as two boys could have bunked together, 3 female and 1 male is different.
If they do get on and you can sort the rooms, then I would say Ok you will take her and ask for the money for 1/4 of the room and food and passes, saying you will keep an account and return any lef afterwards.
The reason i would take her is a DD can get bored,, as a pair they can go out and you won't have to keep your DD company 24 /7 meaning you get a more relaxing holiday, and can go have a drink with the adults...

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 14:15

Witchend, you've said it better! I keep wondering why she didn't book at all, but implied that she had, it feels deceptive somehow. The DCs are in touch on social media over the year and have been saying to each other how much they are looking forward to going - her DD thought she was going too.

OP posts:
Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 14:18

mummmy2017, I am vaguely considering it for my DC, who do like this other DD. However, it is one thing to like them but it seems another to have to share a room. I'm going to talk to DS about it tonight as it is probably most awkward for him.

eleport, no not a big group this year, was just going to be the two of us single mums & DC. I guess I'm disappointed about that too.

OP posts:
halfwitpicker · 16/01/2018 14:19

Total piss take.

Weezol · 16/01/2018 14:20

Your recent update makes me think you should definitely refuse.
You shouldn't enable her duplicity.

user1485342611 · 16/01/2018 14:20

Well apart from anything else it's surely not appropriate for her teenage daughter and your teenage son to be sharing a bedroom.

vespertillio · 16/01/2018 14:21

You say it is a group of friends travelling together - how many other adults/kids are going? What are the overall sleeping arrangements? Can you organise the kids along gender lines? Has she asked anyone else? Presumably it impacts on everyone going if her son or daughter (?) is there. So so many questions

swingofthings · 16/01/2018 14:23

It's obvious why she didn't book, because she knew already then that she might not be able to ski and she didn't want to risk losing all the money out especially as the insurance wouldn't have paid out if she's already had the condition.

She didn't tell you because she was maybe just waiting for a scan, then something came up, then she had more important things on her mind and it's all come to light now.

The thing that would annoy me is that she would ask by email/text rather than bothering picking up the phone. Then again, this way you have time to think about it and respond rather than being put on the spot, so it is probably more considerate.

Get back to her and say that you had assumed she had booked, and that you'll need to discuss it with your children as clearly it will mean quite a change to the dynamics of your family.

FizzyGreenWater · 16/01/2018 14:23

Ok, your latest update, she's been very cheeky.

I would not like for my family holiday to turn into looking after someone else's teen for a week. It's not at all the same. And not a cheap holiday either! - and one where you presumably also want to relax, and concentrate on skiing.

I would be astonished, make that clear, and probably ask why she led you to believe she'd booked. Then say No. Your children are sharing a room, it's not at all fair on your son, and it's too big a responsibility.

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 14:24

vespertillio, it has been a bigger group in the past, but this year it was down to just the two of us single mums and our DC. The group fluctuates from year to year, but this year for a variety of reasons it was only us going.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 16/01/2018 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FizzyGreenWater · 16/01/2018 14:25

It IS deceptive.

Text a simple 'But why did you lead me to believe you'd booked? We could have discussed this weeks ago if I'd known you hadn't actually booked it. Did you tell (her DD) you'd booked? Because she's been discussing it with (your DD) and she thought you had!

Put it back on her to explain this bit. Because that's where the cheekiness is. She's hoping to guilt you into it.

sonjadog · 16/01/2018 14:25

I would imagine she put off booking because she didn't know if she would be well enough to go and didn't want to spend a lot of money on a trip that she wouldn't be able to take. Maybe she didn't tell you before because she was hoping it would work out.

I really don't see that she has done anything wrong here.