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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this is one of the cheekiest things I've been asked?

364 replies

MargoLovebutter · 16/01/2018 13:38

Due to go ski-ing at half-term. There is usually a group of us who go, a bit disparate and not close friends but ski-mates with kids. It was a diminished number of us due to go this year for various reasons but one ski-friend and her son were coming & I thought they were all booked.

Get a phone call today, from said friend, saying that she's had some health problems - ongoing since last October - and she never actually made the booking. I am sympathetic to the health problems, but was fairly shocked to hear she had never made the booking, as I understood that she had. Then she asks me if I could take her daughter (16) and have her share our room (my DS 18 & DD 15) , and she wouldn't come at all.

I think this is a MASSIVE ask and a bit of a piss take. AIBU to think that?

OP posts:
Tapandgo · 17/01/2018 22:21

OP did the only sane, safe and sensitive thing!
She has been sensitive to her own children’s needs, considered the safety of the group and took steps to ensure the word ‘holiday’ was fulfilled in the trip.
How this other woman thought it was fair to expect this single adult to look after all the children and their needs is beyond me (let alone expect her to give her son the floor to sleep on). Add in the original deception................
No wonder OP can sleep soundly tonight - she is released from an absurd, unsafe and cheeky expectation.

FrancisCrawford · 17/01/2018 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrancisCrawford · 17/01/2018 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsJolly · 17/01/2018 23:32

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Dilligaf81 · 17/01/2018 23:59

She can't ski but she could of still come along. I know groups who go on skiing holidays and not all of them ski. I'd be very annoyed that ashe was the only other adult and hadn't booked but essentially lied that she had. If there was a few other adults I wouldn't mind so much but this situation is hurtful and completely changed the holiday.

Littlenic73 · 18/01/2018 00:00

It depends how good a friend. She may have been desperately hoping they could go but realized that she couldn't and not wanted to disappoint the daughter.
It's your choice whether to take her but if you did, If your son is sharing with you and your daughter, it would make note sense for her to pay for a single room and move your son into that, otherwise wouldn't it be a bit awkward/ inappropriate?

Jigglytuff · 18/01/2018 00:20

Read the fucking thread FGS!

Excellent work Margo. What a knob this woman sounds.

BashStreetKid · 18/01/2018 00:34

Littlenic, if she was desperately hoping she could go, surely she would have booked a room? And OP has already said that the hotel is fully booked, so paying for a single room isn't an option.

emmyrose2000 · 18/01/2018 01:39

Well done, OP.

It might be worth discussing with your children some responses should the other lady's DD try and guilt trip your kids, or at least be operating under the misconception that you have killed off her holiday, when it's actually 100% her own mother's fault.

silky1985 · 18/01/2018 07:20

she has been sick for a while and didn't want her child to miss out because of her sickness, and if there is room for the 16 year old why are you being so mean about this. if she is paying for her daughter to go then I don't see what the issue is

expatinscotland · 18/01/2018 07:52

'she has been sick for a while and didn't want her child to miss out because of her sickness, and if there is room for the 16 year old why are you being so mean about this. if she is paying for her daughter to go then I don't see what the issue is'

This issue is you never RTFT. There is no room. The OP has an autistic son who'd end up kipping on the floor because all 4 people would have to share a room without enough beds and the OP's friend also never offered to pay.

DivisionBelle · 18/01/2018 08:04

Threads get so boring later on with constant pointless interruptions by people who can’t be arsed to RTFT.

Motoko · 18/01/2018 08:08

OP still hasn't clarified whether her friend offered to pay or not, but even if she did say she would cover all the expenses, neither OP or her kids wanted to share the room with the daughter.

FrancisCrawford · 18/01/2018 08:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jigglytuff · 18/01/2018 08:28

To me, the massive elephant in the room is that her 'friend' lied to her. She pretended to the OP that they were going on holiday together but actually had no intention of going. And she lied to her daughter too. And hoped to emotionally blackmail the OP into taking her daughter because she knows she's a soft touch.

It's beyond cheeky, it's really manipulative and unpleasant.

goldengimbas · 18/01/2018 08:50

FFS read the thread. Why do you always get people on here who jump in when they have not even read the first post properly never mind the rest of the thread

cambodianfoxhound · 18/01/2018 09:03

totally agree and the point that would annoy me most is that she knew you were the only other adult from the start. For all she knows, you may have only wanted to go if there was another adult going. You may not have booked yourself if you would have thought it was only you and your DC.

She removed that choice and at the best that is thoughtless, at the worst selfish and deceitful.

If it was me, I would have been up front from the start and said I might have to pull out due to hip problems so will not book now - but to go ahead without me or plan as necessary.

Willow2017 · 18/01/2018 09:45

Silky
RTFT it helps you to see what the actual problems are instead of reading the ops first post and skipping 4 pages of further info from op.

Original poster
MargoLovebutter · 18/01/2018 10:08

Yes, that's it Jigglytuff. That's what made it such a big and unfair ask - for me anyway.

I think if I were going with a partner/husband or even as part of a bigger group, it would have seemed more manageable (although still a big ask), but just me on my own it was too much.

OP posts:
Sugarpiehoneyeye · 18/01/2018 10:12

Have a great holiday Margo, glad you handled it well.🌺

Jigglytuff · 18/01/2018 10:35

Yep - I hope you and the kids have a brilliant time Margo. Maybe treat yourself to a private ski lesson or something if the kids want to bomb down the blacks?

WhatCanIDoNowPlease · 18/01/2018 10:43

It was a bit awkward and she said she was really sad I wouldn't help. I just said, "I understood, but it didn't work for us" and repeated that as she re-said a few times in different ways what a shame it was I wouldn't help.

It's this bit that I find awful, after all that she's upset that you won't help?!

manicmij · 18/01/2018 10:49

Not a scenario I would relish. By what you say you seem to be squashing another person into a room booked for 3. Is that allowed.? Would the daughter want to share a room with you all given the ages. Most 16 year old females would shun sharing a room with an 18 year old male. Think your acquaintance (you have said not friend) is being unreasonable asking you to do this. Consider if you were in her position would you ask someone to take your son or daughter with them and share their room.

Joey7t8 · 18/01/2018 11:09

The snow conditions in the Alps are brilliant this year. The three of you will have an amazing time.

MissDuke · 18/01/2018 11:25

Well done op, you did the right thing! I hope you have a great time on your hols. Hopefully you will get to know a few other adults whilst there to keep you company.

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