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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad about DP spending Xmas at his exes

998 replies

Tumbleweeds24 · 24/12/2017 12:00

I'm 36 weeks pregnant and it's the first Christmas that me and DP have lived together. Money is really tight this year so we're not 'doing christmas' here per say. We've had alot to fork out for, bills rent and baby stuff which has fallen at a time where there isn't any disposable. I'm fine with that, we agreed between us we would make up for it when baby arrives in late jan. No biggie.

We discussed what we'd be doing on the day (christmas) and as i knew he would want to see his children I said I would go to my aunt's so he doesn't feel bad about leaving me on my own. We don't drive so I would have to spend the night there as I'm reliant on the bus service.

He's planning to go to his exes on Christmas morning to see the kids and stay there for about 6 hours he says. He says he's not having christmas dinner there but he probably will, that's ok I guess. I think he's downplaying their plans for the day to spare my feelings. If I'm not going to be home he has no reason to rush back does he?

I just feel a bit sad deep down. I would have been happy staying here and just not bothering with the festivities, cuddling up watching a movie with him or something would suffice - but because he knows he's going to be out the house all of Christmas day he's keen for me to go to my aunt's so he doesn't feel guilty himself for me being alone. I would rather not if I'm honest.

I'm happy for him being able to see his kids at Christmas I really am. I would never come between that, it's just the idea of them playing happy families that's making me feel a bit sad. He can't bring them to our place because their mum doesn't want him having them around the new woman, so to spend Xmas with them means spending it with her at her place.

Aibu to feel a bit down about this? I haven't said anything and won't, I don't want to ruin Christmas for him or his kids

OP posts:
mapmybum · 28/01/2018 21:00

Wtf?! Conceived on Xmas day? Really?

They have 2 children. Over excited on Xmas day. Actually I've just answered my own question...

Once they were in bed or he did in fact stay over. Sorry op Thanks kinda makes sense about keeping you apart

EmyRoo · 28/01/2018 21:02

Please go home, there is nothing that won’t wait till tomorrow
Your baby should be safe at home and so should you.

RandomMess · 28/01/2018 21:12

Thankswhat a shit he has been Thanks

caboosie · 28/01/2018 21:19

Babe go home , This will not end well I feel awful for you but this is not a situation for you to take your baby into. Why the sister is getting involved I don't know,they all sound like a bunch of pathetic childish people who are welcome to each other the only victims are you and the children don't get involved in facebook rubbish with them, the ex has also encouraged this situation along with the partner and her sister sounds like shes had a boring weekend and needs drama.Please take your baby home I hope you are OK XXX

SandyY2K · 28/01/2018 21:23

I hope you're okay OP.

iMatter · 28/01/2018 21:25

I really don't understand why you are engaging with these people.

It's like watching a car crash (or Jeremy Kyle).

Run away OP.

Head for the fucking hills.

This will never ever get better.

You are wasting far too much energy on these people. Don't get dragged in.

Run run run.

LexieLulu · 28/01/2018 21:26

Wow! This is shocking!!!!

Hope you and his Ex join forces and both leave him x

GrooovyLass · 28/01/2018 21:26

Please go home. If she is pregnant then I hope that you both come to your senses and realise that you're all better off without him.

SandyY2K · 28/01/2018 21:27

I think she just wants the truth before ending the relationship.

JammyGem · 28/01/2018 21:33

I've been lurking on this thread since the beginning, and hoping you would see sense and leave this waste of space.

I'm so sorry it turned out like this, OP. It's probably too late now, but I echo taking your new baby (congratulations, by the way!) and going to your mum's. You don't need the drama.

Thebluedog · 28/01/2018 21:37

Oh OP what a shit he is to both of you by the sounds of things Flowers

Pissedoffinsomniac · 28/01/2018 21:43

Oh OP this is so sad to read, go home to your mum and focus on your beautiful baby. These fools don’t deserve another second of your energy xx

TemptressofWaikiki · 28/01/2018 22:05

On the one hand, I can see why several posters urging you got go home but I really understand that you need to know ASAP. OP discovered a bombshell tonight and is going to fret and worry what is going on and just wants to have some answers. I think she needs to have that chat and finally find out what the hell is going on. The sister might have been handholding with the other lady throughout all of this, just as we have with OP and is probably feeling protective of her sister. Surely, it’s understandable that both OP and the other woman might be upset if they have been fed a bunch of lies by the DP. From her last message, both parties agreed to speak calmly and avoid arguing. It’s probably been an utter heartbreak for the other woman too. Gawd knows what promises and lies she has been fed and how she has been strung along.

Lndnmummy · 28/01/2018 22:17

Wishing you much strength. The truth will set you free

Graphista · 28/01/2018 22:24

Not at all surprised if I'm honest. He's been so secretive and so dishonest and sneaky throughout there had to be a reason.

I'm so sorry you are in this position. I also wouldn't be at all surprised if you were to discover it was HIM didn't want to bring the DC to yours (because that young they can't be relied on to not tell their mum about he's living with you, you're pregnant etc), that his ex has been told all sorts eg that you trapped him and so on.

You really are best off well away from the whole mess. As is his ex to be honest.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 28/01/2018 22:25

It's all true. He's played us both. Too many lies to list. She's a lovely woman and he span her a line saying he isn't happy etc etc.

Also found out he's not paid the rent. Lovely. He's ran off

OP posts:
Amilliondreams · 28/01/2018 22:27

What an awful discovery. On the other hand you knew something was up all along. Very sad for you.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 28/01/2018 22:29

Sad oh OP! I am so sorry. I was really hoping the sister was just playing with you and it wasn’t true. This is just awful. You don’t need any of this. He is a scumbag. What a piece of shit. Where has he run to?

Graphista · 28/01/2018 22:29

Have you got someone you can go to or can be with you tonight?

What an absolute piece of shit!

I've been a Lp for 15 years I know you'll be worried sick but you will be so much better off without all this bullshit and stress Flowers

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 28/01/2018 22:30

Where are you now? Call your family. Your mum or aunt? And have them come over.

PotteryLady · 28/01/2018 22:33

Get to you family- forget him. Take care of you and your son. Let your family look after you. So sorry for youBiscuitThanks

SandyY2K · 28/01/2018 22:36

It's all true. He's played us both. Too many lies to list.

Oh dear.

So he has another baby on the way.
Did they ever split up? What a double life he was leading.

I'm so sorry you're going through this ... but you do sound like a strong woman.

caboosie · 28/01/2018 22:37

This is so strange, Did she not know you had just had a baby? Or were pregnant? Leave them to it this is so unfair on you and your child can you call someone to take you home be safe X

SandyY2K · 28/01/2018 22:39

He's ran off

What a coward.

Did she know you just gave birth?

Making her out to be a controlling Ex. Terrible.

Ginger1982 · 28/01/2018 22:43

What a prick! Did she even know about your son? Had she really been saying he couldn't take her kids to your house? I'm so sorry. You need to extrapolate yourself from him physically and financially asap.