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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad about DP spending Xmas at his exes

998 replies

Tumbleweeds24 · 24/12/2017 12:00

I'm 36 weeks pregnant and it's the first Christmas that me and DP have lived together. Money is really tight this year so we're not 'doing christmas' here per say. We've had alot to fork out for, bills rent and baby stuff which has fallen at a time where there isn't any disposable. I'm fine with that, we agreed between us we would make up for it when baby arrives in late jan. No biggie.

We discussed what we'd be doing on the day (christmas) and as i knew he would want to see his children I said I would go to my aunt's so he doesn't feel bad about leaving me on my own. We don't drive so I would have to spend the night there as I'm reliant on the bus service.

He's planning to go to his exes on Christmas morning to see the kids and stay there for about 6 hours he says. He says he's not having christmas dinner there but he probably will, that's ok I guess. I think he's downplaying their plans for the day to spare my feelings. If I'm not going to be home he has no reason to rush back does he?

I just feel a bit sad deep down. I would have been happy staying here and just not bothering with the festivities, cuddling up watching a movie with him or something would suffice - but because he knows he's going to be out the house all of Christmas day he's keen for me to go to my aunt's so he doesn't feel guilty himself for me being alone. I would rather not if I'm honest.

I'm happy for him being able to see his kids at Christmas I really am. I would never come between that, it's just the idea of them playing happy families that's making me feel a bit sad. He can't bring them to our place because their mum doesn't want him having them around the new woman, so to spend Xmas with them means spending it with her at her place.

Aibu to feel a bit down about this? I haven't said anything and won't, I don't want to ruin Christmas for him or his kids

OP posts:
Lndnmummy · 28/01/2018 20:26

OP I’m so so sorry. And you have just given birth. I am so sorry. What does he say?

Lndnmummy · 28/01/2018 20:27

You have just had a baby. I feel so sorry for you. This is so sad. Sending a cyber hug.

Lizzie48 · 28/01/2018 20:27

It really does sound as if your DP has played you both, at least you're going to find out the truth now. I'm so sorry, @Tumbleweeds24 Thanks

QueenofmyPrinces · 28/01/2018 20:29

Standing at a bus stop at 8pm on a Sunday night with a two week old baby?

I know you’re angry and want the truth but is it worth such upheaval to your newborn at this time of night?

I’m terms of your situation, I agree with everyone else that he’s leading a double life of sorts. Nothing surprises me anymore about what some men are capable of.

Just be calm and careful OP, don’t put yourself or your baby at any kind of risk.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 28/01/2018 20:32

Still waiting for the bus. He's here. Spouting off saying believe what you want to believe and he will collect his stuff tomorrow.

Probably be back there.

Hope the sister doesn't want to fight. I'm in no fit state.

He's due to work tonight and works near her flat. Wouldn't surprise me if he runs off into work and doesn't come there with me.

Really want to talk to the ex herself but she's refusing. All I'll get is a screaming sister by the looks of it, and I have my son with me :/

OP posts:
LokiBear · 28/01/2018 20:33

I also wouldn't go tonight. I think it's likely to end up in a slanging match and you haven't done anything wrong. Kick him out, give yourself some time and then decide what to do.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 28/01/2018 20:33

I should just turn and go home. Oh my head hurts :(

Havent even cried yet. When I do I won't stop

OP posts:
LokiBear · 28/01/2018 20:35

Seriously, go home. Locj him out. Send a message to the sister saying when the e.g. wants to talk, you will be there. It's too cold for you to be about with your baby. Have you got anyone you could call to.come and comfort You?

LokiBear · 28/01/2018 20:36

Go home. Leave him at the bus stop. He/they aren't worth it.

Lizzie48 · 28/01/2018 20:37

I'm so sorry, @Tumbleweeds24 you know enough, I think, sadly. You and your DS deserve so much better than this.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 28/01/2018 20:37

Hope the sister doesn't want to fight. I'm in no fit state.

Like physically? Go Home! You need nothing to do with any of this. Go home, chuck him a bag and lock the door.

Hortonlovesahoo · 28/01/2018 20:38

You’ve got your son with you? Protect him from the potential shit that happen at his ex’s and go home, lock the door and get the locks changed first thing. Or alternatively, get your aunt to come and pick you up and go there for a few days to clear your head and work out the next strategy.

Maybe force the sisters hand? Say; you’ll only talk if you can see and talk to the ex.

sillyoldwitch · 28/01/2018 20:38

Oh my goodness, are you sure it's safe to go there? I've been following your thread a while now and I think the ex sounds deranged. Please be careful, I think having a little time out with your DP might be a good idea...

stitchglitched · 28/01/2018 20:39

If she has messages to show you then she can send you screenshots. No need to drag baby out in the cold and you have no idea what you are facing.

Ginger1982 · 28/01/2018 20:39

OP turn on the video on your phone (if you have one) and keep somewhere so that it can at least pick up audio if anyone does start screaming at you. Whatever you do, stay calm.

candycandles · 28/01/2018 20:39

Go home. Tell her to message you with the details. Lock him out and give yourself time.

DeathByMascara · 28/01/2018 20:39

You poor soul. Take your little baby and go home. Pack a bag and go to your mums.

So sorry this has turned in to such a clusterfuck for you all.

Namechangetempissue · 28/01/2018 20:42

For gods sake, go home! Why are you going there with your tiny baby to have some ridiculous fight with a teenager and look at a random pregnancy test. Think clearly. GO HOME.

SlummyMummy77 · 28/01/2018 20:42

Please go home. If you really must have it out. Do not do it when you have a 2 week newborn with you. This will not end well.

Do not get into a slanging match. Your fella has been foolish but the ex has played a blinder. She has manipulated all of this. Have a calm conversation with both of them there.

notsohippychick · 28/01/2018 20:43

Oh my lord!!! Don’t go there lovely. You can get answers another way.

Lndnmummy · 28/01/2018 20:44

Op go home. Can you speak to your dps mum or anyone else? Don’t go for a showdown with a newborn baby, come on. You don’t need to do that. Just take your baby home. Move out or kick your dp out and then take one day at a time to rebuild your life. These people seem to thrive on the drama. Stay out of it. Let him go to her with his camouflage trousers. You are so young. Just leave

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 28/01/2018 20:47

The sister said she will talk to me (the ex will) so long as I'm not going to argue. I said I'm not. I said if it's true then I'm sorry for her and he's played us both. The sister is being decent now and said she doesn't want any trouble either. I said there will be none. Me and the ex have both been played

OP posts:
Amilliondreams · 28/01/2018 20:49

I don’t think you should turn up there for that conversation with your baby.

wintermonster · 28/01/2018 20:50

What a shit.
Can you get a taxi?

hollie11 · 28/01/2018 20:54

Tumbleweeds24 Flowers

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