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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad about DP spending Xmas at his exes

998 replies

Tumbleweeds24 · 24/12/2017 12:00

I'm 36 weeks pregnant and it's the first Christmas that me and DP have lived together. Money is really tight this year so we're not 'doing christmas' here per say. We've had alot to fork out for, bills rent and baby stuff which has fallen at a time where there isn't any disposable. I'm fine with that, we agreed between us we would make up for it when baby arrives in late jan. No biggie.

We discussed what we'd be doing on the day (christmas) and as i knew he would want to see his children I said I would go to my aunt's so he doesn't feel bad about leaving me on my own. We don't drive so I would have to spend the night there as I'm reliant on the bus service.

He's planning to go to his exes on Christmas morning to see the kids and stay there for about 6 hours he says. He says he's not having christmas dinner there but he probably will, that's ok I guess. I think he's downplaying their plans for the day to spare my feelings. If I'm not going to be home he has no reason to rush back does he?

I just feel a bit sad deep down. I would have been happy staying here and just not bothering with the festivities, cuddling up watching a movie with him or something would suffice - but because he knows he's going to be out the house all of Christmas day he's keen for me to go to my aunt's so he doesn't feel guilty himself for me being alone. I would rather not if I'm honest.

I'm happy for him being able to see his kids at Christmas I really am. I would never come between that, it's just the idea of them playing happy families that's making me feel a bit sad. He can't bring them to our place because their mum doesn't want him having them around the new woman, so to spend Xmas with them means spending it with her at her place.

Aibu to feel a bit down about this? I haven't said anything and won't, I don't want to ruin Christmas for him or his kids

OP posts:
Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 28/01/2018 19:36

The sister just messaged calling me this and that and she said the ex is pregnant and I should talk to dp. Wow

OP posts:
DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 28/01/2018 19:38

Oh wow! If you are a wise you won’t talk to him before you have spoken to his ex, preferably face to face.

Amilliondreams · 28/01/2018 19:39

Oh dear op. Sounds like you should prepare yourself. It would explain a lot of his behaviour.

hollie11 · 28/01/2018 19:52

Op I hope I'm wrong but it seems wierd that the ex will text him at 8 to come over.....surely the kids will be going to bed around that time. I would be suspicious if I were you. Tbh I would now be going to the ex wife house to ask her calmly what's the deal l. You cannot believe a word your dp says unfortunately.

stitchglitched · 28/01/2018 19:58

Oh dear, I'm so sorry OP. Sounds like he's been telling you both what he thinks you want to hear and leading some kind of double life. I hope you get some answers soon.

stitchglitched · 28/01/2018 19:58

Oh dear, I'm so sorry OP. Sounds like he's been telling you both what he thinks you want to hear and leading some kind of double life. I hope you get some answers soon.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 28/01/2018 20:06

On my way to his exes house. Sister said she's there and she will show me the tests but the ex doesn't want me near her so I can't talk to the ex. Sister said it was conceived on Xmas day

OP posts:
TemptressofWaikiki · 28/01/2018 20:07

Oh OP, this sounds a nightmare! And I think a lot of people’s hunches are right, he hasn’t left the ex. I am sorry that you got abuse from the younger sister of his ex. But for all you know, he probably told as many lies to his other partner and a sibling is likely to feel very protective over what she perceives as the other woman. You don’t deserve all this crap. I think, you should actually speak to the other woman first because your DP appears to be lying.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 28/01/2018 20:08

Going there now and dragging him with me. He's flatly denying it saying it's bullshit.

Now saying nobody will see him after today as he's not being accused.

He's guilty as sin

OP posts:
Hortonlovesahoo · 28/01/2018 20:11

Holy moley OP! What a day for you! I wonder what'll happen and what lies they'll spin. Protect yourself and leave if you feel uncomfortable but if it's as they say: then run as far as you can from this craphole.

TemptressofWaikiki · 28/01/2018 20:11

OP, our messages literally crossed as I hit ‘send’. As hard, as it might be, try to stay as calm as possible to get some answers. Remember, the other woman has probably been betrayed as much as you. I didn’t comment before but had been reading this all the way along and feared that this might be the case.

malificent7 · 28/01/2018 20:15

Oooo dump op.

LokiBear · 28/01/2018 20:15

I agree with Temptress. Your children are completely innocent too. He has been lying to both sides. There is no other explanation.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 28/01/2018 20:16

God knows what I'll do now

I'm so numb

Expecting to be met with a barrage of abuse from the sister. Won't even get to see the ex as she won't come downstairs and I can't go up with the pram.

Waiting for the bus now

OP posts:
malificent7 · 28/01/2018 20:16

He sounds like far too much hard work.

waterlily200 · 28/01/2018 20:17

OP this thread will be full soon please set up another so people can continue to support.

I'm horrified you're going through all this but I'm pleased you're going to have a face to face discussion you need to move forward with your life so need to pull apart all the lies.

stitchglitched · 28/01/2018 20:18

Be careful OP, don't put yourself at risk. You don't deserve any abuse, you've done nothing wrong accept trust and believe your partner. If any aggression starts just walk away, he is not worth it. Flowers

Amilliondreams · 28/01/2018 20:19

That would be the Christmas Day where you were suspicious about where he was and why he wasn’t contacting you.

Really awful for you and her if true.

Ginger1982 · 28/01/2018 20:20

What the actual fuck??? This is shocking OP! At least this will bring it all to a head if nothing else. Hope everything goes ok!

TemptressofWaikiki · 28/01/2018 20:22

Good luck OP! It all sounds horrendous but I would need to know in your case too and I think you are doing the right thing. Remember that the real villain in this saga is most likely your DP. The other woman might have been lied to and manipulated so much herself. Who knows if he had not promised to get back together for good. I am sorry that the sister is mouthing off against you but for all we know, he probably fed them just as much bullshit. The calmer you are, the more likely she will pipe down and you can find out what is actually going on. I would not take DP though. He’ll probably try to sabotage the encounter to prevent you all from finding out what is actually going on.

I'd be tempted to give him a home vasectomy with a couple of good old London Stock bricks...

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 28/01/2018 20:24

TBH I wouldn’t believe a word from the sister or ex either. The sister sounds like a shit stirrer. Why would the ex refuse to see you? Is she afraid of you? Hmm doubt it. More like either her sister is saying all this without the exes knowledge or the ex knows she can’t lie to your face without giving herself away. Please don’t take what the sister says at face value. A pregnancy test proves someone is pregnant. It doesn’t prove who is pregnant.

FWIW, and I know you’ve heard this before, I would cut my losses, dump him and get the hell out of the soap opera that is his life. You don’t need this stress, you don’t need to know if his ex is pregnant with his child. He has already treated but you bad enough to walk away from him. I wouldn’t care if his ex was pregnant. I’d leave either way. You don’t need to know. I think the sister is playing with you. Don’t let her.

PotteryLady · 28/01/2018 20:24

WOW! Just read the whole thread- you shouldn't have to deal with this with a new born. Go and be with your family - this is too much. I know you want answers but you will never be satisfied with what you hear there will always be more questions Thanks

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 28/01/2018 20:25

Won't even get to see the ex as she won't come downstairs and I can't go up with the pram.

If you are going that far you should speak to the ex. Leave the pram downstairs with him and go and face her.

DotCottonDotCom · 28/01/2018 20:26

Fucking horrified for you. What the actual fuck.

Why the fuck should you be abused, when its claimed these sick bastards stuck the knife in on xmas day while you were due to give birth.

MadeForThis · 28/01/2018 20:26

Hope this gives you the strength to walk away. Even if the pregnancy isn't true he is a loser.

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