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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad about DP spending Xmas at his exes

998 replies

Tumbleweeds24 · 24/12/2017 12:00

I'm 36 weeks pregnant and it's the first Christmas that me and DP have lived together. Money is really tight this year so we're not 'doing christmas' here per say. We've had alot to fork out for, bills rent and baby stuff which has fallen at a time where there isn't any disposable. I'm fine with that, we agreed between us we would make up for it when baby arrives in late jan. No biggie.

We discussed what we'd be doing on the day (christmas) and as i knew he would want to see his children I said I would go to my aunt's so he doesn't feel bad about leaving me on my own. We don't drive so I would have to spend the night there as I'm reliant on the bus service.

He's planning to go to his exes on Christmas morning to see the kids and stay there for about 6 hours he says. He says he's not having christmas dinner there but he probably will, that's ok I guess. I think he's downplaying their plans for the day to spare my feelings. If I'm not going to be home he has no reason to rush back does he?

I just feel a bit sad deep down. I would have been happy staying here and just not bothering with the festivities, cuddling up watching a movie with him or something would suffice - but because he knows he's going to be out the house all of Christmas day he's keen for me to go to my aunt's so he doesn't feel guilty himself for me being alone. I would rather not if I'm honest.

I'm happy for him being able to see his kids at Christmas I really am. I would never come between that, it's just the idea of them playing happy families that's making me feel a bit sad. He can't bring them to our place because their mum doesn't want him having them around the new woman, so to spend Xmas with them means spending it with her at her place.

Aibu to feel a bit down about this? I haven't said anything and won't, I don't want to ruin Christmas for him or his kids

OP posts:
AdidasGirl · 28/01/2018 22:43

This is just awful.
I really hope you have someone who can come sit with you.
What a strong woman you are.

DearMrDilkington · 28/01/2018 22:44

Oh God, op I'm so so sorry. I didn't expect that at all, I just thought he was useless(which he also is.)

I can't imagine how your feeling right now, what a fucking cruel disgusting man.

Flowers
DearMrDilkington · 28/01/2018 22:46

Echoing other posters, please don't be alone tonight, surround yourself with loved ones and extra hands for the baby.

stitchglitched · 28/01/2018 22:47

What a shit he is. Please call your family, let them look after you Flowers

HairyWorm · 28/01/2018 22:50

I've been following this thread from the start and I'm so sorry to see how it's turned out OP.

Go and don't look back.
Don't waste another second on this idiot.

Some people are just totally inadequate humans and there is nothing anyone can (or should) do to which could make them otherwise.

mapmybum · 28/01/2018 22:50

Where is his brother in all of this?

myrtleWilson · 28/01/2018 22:52

wowzers.... an Xmas Day conception.

TemptressofWaikiki · 28/01/2018 23:24

Oh OP, I am so sorry to read this, even though it was what a lot of us suspected. I am glad though that you found out what happened rather than keep on worrying and being manipulated. You are amazing though how you handled this. You have shown such dignity and strength. It must be such a heartbreak and shock now but you can now move forward and focus on your baby and you. Weasels like that always try to get the women to fight each other to keep them apart, instead of sitting down and expose these cheats.

Snowysky20009 · 28/01/2018 23:32

I'm so sorry it's turned out like this x

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 28/01/2018 23:37

I'm home now, alone. He didn't turn up to work and I'm told he's gone to meet his dad.

I've been talking to his ex since I got back home. He's turned his pgone off. His ex called his mum who then spoke to his dad, the dad told her he's on his way to meet him.

Baby is due to be registered tomorrow, he won't even be there, maybe that's a blessing in disguise but I fully intended to claim CSA.

He did the same thing to her when they split up. She didn't hear from him for days. It turns out he cheated all the way through their relationship which doesn't come as a surprise to me now.

He portrayed me as someone who trapped him. Not true. He told her he asked me to get an abortion. Not true. He's been going there crying (He does that alot). He's been sending her texts saying all sorts. He's known about the baby since she found out and was rubbing her stomach saying "hello little man"

Not sure if I mentioned this but our babies name which he chose, was a name he and her had picked for their next baby - before they split.

I also found out she was pregnant Just before they split and he told her to get an abortion which she did.

He's been begging her not to tell me about the baby saying I would take his son away from him. The sister who was giving him Shit, well this is what she's been giving him shit about, threatening to tell me about the baby.

He portrayed his ex as an abusive alcoholic. Again not true. He told me she had hit him before when he had their newborn in his arms. Her version is that it was him who went for her, and he used to punch holes in doors etc.

There is just so much. Too much. I'm completely numb. He won't face me he will go into hiding now.

To add insult to injury he hasn't paid his half of the rent. I don't know how to explain that to the landlord. I can't afford this flat without him now I'm not working. He's screwed me right over

OP posts:
MotherofaSurvivor · 28/01/2018 23:41

Just pack your stuff and leave. Go to your family and tell your Landlord to take you off the Tenancy. Then HE will be chased for the rent.

I've been in a very similar position, I know it's the worst pain imaginable. My daughter is now 3. He hasn't seen her in two years.

This is the best thing for your son - to be kept as far away from him as possible! Utterly toxic individual xxx

Snowysky20009 · 28/01/2018 23:43

You need to claim child tax credits and housing benefit tomorrow. Tell your landlord this is what's happening x

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 28/01/2018 23:44

Oh and she said she only found out about us at Christmas so that was another lie he's been telling. She knew nothing until Xmas and the kids are totally oblivious that's why she said no today to them meeting

OP posts:
Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 28/01/2018 23:46

Totally alone tonight. Aunt is in bed and my mother is for want of a better word useless. I don't really have that much support if I'm honest

OP posts:
Snowysky20009 · 28/01/2018 23:48

I'm sure your aunt wouldn't mind being woken up if you really need her

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 28/01/2018 23:53

I expected to break down in tears inconsolably. I shed a few tears as i held my son and told him im sorry. He is the only thing which is provoking any real emotion at the moment. Is this normal? Am I going to suddenly break down tomorrow, or the next day?

I don't want the tears to start. I don't want to miss him and i don't want to need him ever again.

I hate him, but I want answers, answers I'll never get because he's spineless.

Oh he also told his ex that he took an overdose in July because he was missing his family. Fucking liar did nothing of the sort.

Can I claim csa if he doesn't turn up to the registration. He won't even know the time as he has turned his phone off and hid. I'm told he did the same to her and she didn't hear from him in 4 days.

He said earlier on that nobody will see him again after this. I'm starting to believe it.

OP posts:
alphajuliet123 · 28/01/2018 23:56

OP please start another thread (i you want to) and link it here. This one is about to run out, only 8 posts left until it closes.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 28/01/2018 23:58

our babies name which he chose, was a name he and her had picked for their next baby - before they split.

Unless you really love the name, change it. He isn’t registered yet so you can do that no problem.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 29/01/2018 00:02

Can I claim csa if he doesn't turn up to the registration.

Yes you can as long as he doesn’t deny he is the father. If he denies the baby is his the Child maintenances options people can have a DNA test court ordered and prove he is the father and he will have to pay. My sons father isn’t on his birth certificate but didn’t deny paternity so he pays child support. Hopefully your dick wad of an ex won’t deny the baby is his and will pay up. You should also get some tax credits and housing benefit if you’re on a low income.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 00:04

Made a new thread in relationships

It's called "follow on from my AIBU thread 'to be sad about DP spending Christmas at his exes"

Don't know how to link it
If somebody could do it for me please?

OP posts:
Motoko · 29/01/2018 00:06

OP, if you want to carry on talking here, and get support, you need to start a new thread, but put it in relationships rather than AIBU. There are only 7 posts left on this thread before it reaches the limit.

If you want the people here to follow you to your new thread, post the link to it here, but do it before there are many more posts here.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Try to get some sleep tonight.

Motoko · 29/01/2018 00:07

Ah, cross posted.

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