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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to go to the office Christmas party?

275 replies

GerddwrEryri · 11/12/2017 09:03

After having a breakdown last weekend and struggling to hold it together on Monday, I decided to go off sick and the GP has signed me off until Christmas. The Christmas party is on Friday. WIBU to go? I'd really like to go, it'd be nice to get out and actually see people. I feel bad though for wanting to go when I'm not well enough to work and I'm worried about people judging me.

OP posts:
Fluffyears · 11/12/2017 09:05

I wouldn’t go. Some people will (wrongly) judge.

TheVanguardSix · 11/12/2017 09:06

You're well enough to party but not well enough to work, is what will be said.
I'd go. But certain people will have an opinion or two. I suppose you can't worry about that.

DollyLlama · 11/12/2017 09:06

It may make you feel better but you have to remember that if you’re too ill to work, you should be too ill for a party in their eyes.

I do understand what you’re saying though, but if normality and fun would probably do you the world of good but I really don’t think it would be a good idea

JollyGiraffe · 11/12/2017 09:07

YWBU

Steeley113 · 11/12/2017 09:07

Personally I think you shouldn’t go. TBH, I think companies can discipline if you are out partying while off sick. When I was off sick with stress, I was very careful about where I went/what I posted on Facebook. Even on my good days where I felt able to leave the house I didn’t dare mention it to anyone from work.

molifly · 11/12/2017 09:07

I think if you aren't well enough to go to work it would probably be inappropriate for you to go to the Christmas party and would probably raise some eyebrows.

Sorry i know it's frustrating but it would look better if you didn't go.

berliozwooler · 11/12/2017 09:07

Don't go.

ChasedByBees · 11/12/2017 09:09

I wouldn't go.

FluffyWuffy100 · 11/12/2017 09:09

I know you need to do fun and normal things to help your recovery, but the office christmas party.... no, just don't. No matter how much people 'know' you can be out and about whilst having poor mental health people will be like 'WTF she can come and drink and party but not be arsed to come to work?!?' Not right, but people will think that.,

CandleLit · 11/12/2017 09:10

As others have said, perceptions matter at wok. This could be perceived in poor light so don't go. Do something else lovely for yourself instead.

Wilburissomepig · 11/12/2017 09:10

Don't go. They absolutely will judge you. Our Christmas party was last Friday and a woman who has been signed off came. So many people were making snidey comments, while being all nice and 'how lovely to see you' to her face.

Original poster
GerddwrEryri · 11/12/2017 09:14

Do people really expect mentally ill people to wallow in self pity and not do anything when they're signed off? Sad

OP posts:
PinkHeart5914 · 11/12/2017 09:18

I wouldn’t go. Thing is people will think well she can go out partying yet can’t work.

Why not find a Christmas market or something local to you and take yourself out for the day? Take a book, have a coffee, cake, walk around and relax

MaverickSnoopy · 11/12/2017 09:19

No but for some reason going to a party with them is seen as less ok than going to a party with non work people in this situation.

I wouldn't go. I also wouldn't judge you if you did. I think I would feel that negative opinions from colleagues would worsen how I was feeling. You could discuss with your manager.

PuppyMonkey · 11/12/2017 09:23

I wouldn't expect you to wallow in self pity and never do anything nice, but going to the office shindig when your colleagues may be picking up the slack, getting stressed out etc because you're signed off sick is pretty insensitive of YOU.

TomFun · 11/12/2017 09:25

Don't go.

Original poster
GerddwrEryri · 11/12/2017 09:27

going to the office shindig when your colleagues may be picking up the slack, getting stressed out etc because you're signed off sick is pretty insensitive of YOU

Nobody is picking up the slack for me although I can understand why you might think that though as that's the typical arrangement.

We're on wind down at the moment to Christmas but everything that I need to do will still be there when I get back.

OP posts:
LastGirlOnTheLeft · 11/12/2017 09:31

I wouldn't go. People WILL judge you and talk about you, unfortunately. I would steer clear of all things work related until you have made a full recovery. I'm sorry to hear you have had such a hard time!! I hope you feel better soon.

BreatheMeIn · 11/12/2017 09:31

People will definitely think "I thought she was sick?" or something along those lines.

I don't think it would do your mental health any good at all. Wondering all night what people are saying about you and feeling paranoid. Dosent sound much fun tbh.

therealposieparker · 11/12/2017 09:32

Don't go. It won't work out well to be around drunk people who may well tell you what they think of you being there. They will all be wrong but it will be awful to hear.

roomsonfire · 11/12/2017 09:34

Do people really expect mentally ill people to wallow in self pity and not do anything when they're signed off?

sadly yes. If you're not rocking in a corner crying or attempting suicide people wont take your MH seriously and even then people will expect you to pull yourself together.

OP, this year I would stay home. Do this for your own sake. People will talk, they will judge they will treat you differently and that is unfair on you but you showing up to the party when signed off sick is going to make it 10x harder to make them believe you really are sick. and it would raise a few eyebrows with your bosses too.

chickenowner · 11/12/2017 09:37

It would be incredibly inappropriate for you to go.

HoHoHoHo · 11/12/2017 09:37

I wouldn't in your position. People can be resentful when others are signed off for long periods of time and going to the party would just make this worse.

GU24Mum · 11/12/2017 09:38

I really wouldn't go. I don't think people expect you to stay in the house in a darkened room...... but equally, going to a work party is very different from going out with other friends/family.

StarOnTheTopOfTheTree · 11/12/2017 09:39

Do people really expect mentally ill people to wallow in self pity and not do anything when they're signed off?

When I was signed off for a couple of months a few years ago for MH issues, the GP told me that I should be taking the time I had off to do things - go out, swim, participate in hobbies, see friends, socialise... as part of the 'treatment'. It was as important as the ADs.

However, I would probably have avoided a works do because some people might well not take kindly to that.