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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to go to the office Christmas party?

275 replies

GerddwrEryri · 11/12/2017 09:03

After having a breakdown last weekend and struggling to hold it together on Monday, I decided to go off sick and the GP has signed me off until Christmas. The Christmas party is on Friday. WIBU to go? I'd really like to go, it'd be nice to get out and actually see people. I feel bad though for wanting to go when I'm not well enough to work and I'm worried about people judging me.

OP posts:
heron98 · 11/12/2017 10:26

No of course you shouldn't go. If you're signed off sick you can't go to a party.

Wolfiefan · 11/12/2017 10:27

I wouldn't go.
But all the talk of people judging you is really saddening. Can people not see that someone may be well enough for a meal out but not to work?
Bet they wouldn't judge someone signed off for a physical issue in quite the same way.
But OP you have your answer. For all the discussion of understanding MH Issues there are too many judgy pants who will gossip and bitch about you being out. Sad

MrsPepperpot79 · 11/12/2017 10:28

As everyone said - no, don't go. People WILL judge - most don't fully understand MH issues and a party isnt the place to educate them! And if you have been sick for a week, and planning to be off next week too - just no. from another person who has had MH issues (one work-based, where my boss asked me if severe depression and anxiety meant I was more than just a bit sad then...People dont understand, even when they should!)

Only1scoop · 11/12/2017 10:29

I wouldn't go

You are signed off sick

Jerseysilkvelour · 11/12/2017 10:31

I've been off sick due to MH for a while, due to return in the NY, I was invited to the xmas do as a way of keeping in touch. I'm not going, but only because I can't.

However I've been off for quite a while - I think as you've been off for only a week it's a bit soon to be going to the works party, especially as you know you're signed off for a while after.

ShatnersWig · 11/12/2017 10:34

OP, that breakdown involved you wanting to commit suicide and being picked up by the Police.

I've had two breakdowns and three periods of deep depression.

You should absolutely NOT be going anywhere near the office party a week after being signed off due to being suicidal.

JakeBallardswife · 11/12/2017 10:35

Don't go, its not the right for you to be showing you're feeling better but not able to cope with the working day.

Also, if you are off sick, you don't really get to pick and choose what you do attend without being judged for it by others.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 11/12/2017 10:35

Don’t go, you will spend the whole time paranoid and also work talk always takes place at the work Christmas parties.

DirtyDripSpout · 11/12/2017 10:39

You said in your original post you are worried about people judging you - in which case - don't go, don't take the risk. A lot of people don't understand MH issues, and after a few drinks there most probably will be comments and backchat.

Also, people at work are not your real friends. Your time would be better spent surrounding yourself with those who really do care about you. Hope you get better soon Flowers

Jaxhog · 11/12/2017 10:39

It may make you feel better but you have to remember that if you’re too ill to work, you should be too ill for a party in their eyes.
This. It'll be seen as taking the piss.

HolyShet · 11/12/2017 10:41

Do people really expect mentally ill people to wallow in self pity and not do anything when they're signed off? sad

I agree it's sad.

But this party is a work context. It is work, even though fun. If it was a family party or even a drink or two with friends/colleagues that would be different - some people would still judge.

TBH also, from the point of view of someone who has mental health struggles, going into that work situation, work has been the trigger, would not be best for you if you have had a breakdown so very recently.

NisekoWhistler · 11/12/2017 10:45

Well enough to party = well enough to work

Buck3t · 11/12/2017 10:45

I'm going to be honest, I would judge you. That's with me crying myself to sleep, with a gigantic shadow climbing over me and trying to swallow me whole on friday night. I know and logically I get it, but seriously, I would still illogically judge. That's from someone suffering right now.

OuchLegoHurts · 11/12/2017 10:50

Do people really expect mentally ill people to wallow in self pity and not do anything when they're signed off?

Not wallowing, no, but certainly resting or doing whatever you need to be doing instead of working. And if you're not well enough to do your work (for ANY health reason) I think it's cheeky to be 'well' enough to socialise at a party of your colleagues.

letsdolunch321 · 11/12/2017 10:52

You have been signed off as you are not fit to work !!!! I would be angry/annoyed if one of my colleagues turned up at the office shindig when they were considered to be unfit for work.

I was signed off for 10days with MH issues when first on medication (18yrs ago) no waY would it have entered my mind to go to a Christmas doo.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/12/2017 10:55

OP, I have the benefit of coming into this thread after lots of posters have already said their piece but you really want to go to this party so what I would is speak to my boss.

I'd tell him/her that this would be good for me and what does he think? If he's positive about it then I'd ask him to champion my attendance and make it clear to staff that I was welcome.

If he didn't think it was a good idea then I wouldn't go.

I hope you feel better soon.

MyOtherNameIsAFordFiesta · 11/12/2017 11:02

I'd only consider it if it was a small company where you know people well, and the "do" was a quiet lunch or something. Otherwise, people will judge, and you don't need that.

Original poster
GerddwrEryri · 11/12/2017 11:09

work has been the trigger

Where did I say work was the trigger?

You should absolutely NOT be going anywhere near the office party a week after being signed off due to being suicidal.

Shatnerswig - can you explain why?

I'm very isolated at home. I try and get out and about, go for a walk and things but ultimately I spend 9 hours of my day completely alone. The only way of me seeing people is in a work or work social type situation. We also have the kind of environment where work is not discussed at socials.

OP posts:
Original poster
GerddwrEryri · 11/12/2017 11:10

Meant to say it's a three course meal at a nice restaurant. We don't do the whole get totally blotto and dance on the tables.

OP posts:
Finderscrispy · 11/12/2017 11:14

Unfortunately mental health problems are not fully understood by a lot of people, they need a pictorial representation of you sat rocking in a corner, with a sad face to even begin to understand, so turning up to works Christmas party would likely ‘confuse’ them and invite speculation about your sickness.
Agreed it is important not to isolate yourself when you are unwell, but I would be looking to socialise through my friends and hobbies outside of work and giving the work do a wide berth.

ptumbi · 11/12/2017 11:18

Op The only way of me seeing people is in a work or work social type situation. - if you are feeling isolated at home, maybe you would be better off going back to work? Even if it a graduated return - a few hours a day or so. At least then if you feel up to it you can then go to the works do?

I'm sorry,but if you do go, while still being signed off, people will talk. And that will NOT be good for your MH, now of in the future.

But i get the feeling you want to go regardless. I think it would be a mistake - for your own good.

Original poster
GerddwrEryri · 11/12/2017 11:19

Unfortunately mental health problems are not fully understood by a lot of people

^^ yes. It certainly seems that way doesn't it.

I wish people understood more.

My hobbies involve scrap booking, walking and playing computer games. None of which involve socialising.

OP posts:
angieloumc · 11/12/2017 11:20

If you're not well enough to work you're not well enough to go to a work do I'm afraid, whether it's a meal out or clubbing.
A week after having a breakdown I'm surprised you feel up to it but I can't see how it would help your mental health; going out etc is all well and good but at a work do where your colleagues have been working all week might make you feel talked about and judged.

twotired · 11/12/2017 11:20

I wouldn't go.

LoverOfCake · 11/12/2017 11:21

"Bet they wouldn't judge someone signed off for a physical issue in quite the same way." I disagree. Off sick is off sick. If anything people seem to be more expectant that people with MH problems will be getting out and about whereas people with physical issues are less likely to be doing so. And yet people with MH issues want MH to be seen in the same light as physical illness, well it is. If you're too ill to work then you're too ill to go to a work social. You can't have it both ways.

FWIW I've worked with people who were disciplined for being on facebook when at home with a cold as if they've got a cold too ill to work they should be to ill to do anything but be in bed. People who have been pulled up for being seen at the cinema the weekend before returning to work after surgery. And many workplaces have procedures for disciplining staff if they're not in work and seen out socialising, or at the very least being seen out would warrant occupational health becoming involved with a view to their imminent return to work.

So anyone who thinks that MH is somehow viewed differently to physical illness is wrong IMO, unless you mean that people with MH are given far more leeway than those with physical illness.

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