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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to go to the office Christmas party?

275 replies

GerddwrEryri · 11/12/2017 09:03

After having a breakdown last weekend and struggling to hold it together on Monday, I decided to go off sick and the GP has signed me off until Christmas. The Christmas party is on Friday. WIBU to go? I'd really like to go, it'd be nice to get out and actually see people. I feel bad though for wanting to go when I'm not well enough to work and I'm worried about people judging me.

OP posts:
shakemysilliesout · 11/12/2017 11:51

Do not go. My friend went to hers in same circumstances it ended her career there.

OhChill · 11/12/2017 11:52

Sorry to hear about your MH issues op.

I wouldn’t go. Not because I think “if you’re well enough to party, you’re well enough to work”, because I don’t think that. BUT, I think enough people would think that and personally, I’d feel really uncomfortable going for that reason.

Brokenbutbreathing · 11/12/2017 11:55

Let's do lunch has it bang on.

HarryHarlow · 11/12/2017 11:55

I don't think you should go because there is some risk that it could create problems for you - this thread is evidence of how some people would view your attendance. Don't take the risk when you are already feeling vulnerable - the backlash could set you back. I wish you a speedy recovery X

deepestdarkestperu · 11/12/2017 11:56

Do people really expect mentally ill people to wallow in self pity and not do anything when they're signed off?

Personally, no. I've struggled with MH issues all my life - depression, anxiety and recently a diagnosis of ASD. I think you should do what it takes to get well, for the most part.

BUT I think going to your work Christmas do when you're signed off isn't particularly appropriate, unless it's a sit-down meal and you're off because you've broken your ankle, for example. There are plenty of other ways to get better that don't involve going on a work night out.

I sympathise that you're feeling a bit isolated - could you not arrange to meet a friend for coffee or lunch one day? I just think going to work-related do when you're off sick from work is generally not a good idea. People drink and get funny ideas and I think you'll find it causes more problems than it solves. Not everyone understands MH issues and I wouldn't want you to feel worse afterwards.

Cantwaitforchristmas · 11/12/2017 11:56

No I wouldn't go. Whilst I am all for thinking that a sick note is a note to say you're not fit for work, it won't look good.

Someone did the same at our Christmas meal & people talked about it for weeks Hmm

yelpforhelp · 11/12/2017 11:57

I completely agree someone with MH related sickness should not hide away but In my line of work this would be seen badly (wrongly) as the rest of the team would have to pick up the slack of someone who’s off and it’s the busiest time of the year.

However you say that’s not an issue at your place so it shouldn’t effect anyone else and you identify this might help your recovery. Could you talk to your manager and discuss with them? I think you have every right to go but if colleagues (again wrongly) feel you’re “taking the piss” it might make your return to work harder than it needs to be.

Shit situation op, hope you feel better soon Flowers

clairethewitch70 · 11/12/2017 12:01

I wouldn't go. As an Employer with mental illness, if you are too ill to work you are too ill to go. And yes I have had breakdowns ( i have been hospitalised with them)

ObscuredbyFog · 11/12/2017 12:02

Don't do it OP.

You cannot educate people on how it would be good for you, all they will see is a colleague who says they cannot work but they can join in the good times.

Give it a miss.

Figgygal · 11/12/2017 12:04

A lunch maybe a piss up party even if not drinking no way!! And especially so close after having had a breakdown/the start of your leave.

I would speak to your line manager to see what they think before you make things more difficult.

ptumbi · 11/12/2017 12:05

I'm very isolated at home. I try and get out and about, go for a walk and things but ultimately I spend 9 hours of my day completely alone. - but it is not right to expect your colleagues to play some part in your recovery, by going to the party.

They WILL talk about it. You will be the subject of 'talk' and it will not be well viewed. You might want them to view it as part of your recovery/something for you to do, but I gaurantee they won't.

Don't do it, for the sake of your future MH.

Find another way of socialising.

Chrys2017 · 11/12/2017 12:06

Do you really need to rub your time off in the face of your colleagues?

Rub it in their face? I'm sure OP would happily trade her time off with any one of her colleagues in exchange for their good health (and I'm sure none of them would take the offer).

Sadly, attitudes like this are the reason you should not go to the party, OP.

Original poster
GerddwrEryri · 11/12/2017 12:06

Are you doing anything to help yourself, OP

^^ Yes. I've arranged counselling but unfortunately this can't start until after Christmas. When I felt really bad I gave up all of my hobbies. I just couldn't face them. I'm trying to get back into them now, making the effort to go for a walk etc. I've also seen my GP for a medication review.

OP posts:
clairethewitch70 · 11/12/2017 12:08

What does it say on your sick note? Does it say "breakdown"??

blueberrymojito · 11/12/2017 12:09

I absolutely would not go. You do need to do things right now that make you happy, be that socialising with family and friends, or resting at home. However being signed off work and then attending the Christmas do would be highly inappropriate.

I have recently returned to work after being signed off with stress for six weeks. I kept a very low profile when I was off, I didnt post things on Facebook etc about what I was up to, it felt inappropriate to do so. That’s not to say I didn’t go out, because I needed to as part of my recovery but people do and will judge.

If you’re too ill to work attending the Christmas do shouldn’t really be high on your to do list. The thought of facing work and my colleagues whilst I was off sick was the last thing I wanted.

deckoff · 11/12/2017 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
GerddwrEryri · 11/12/2017 12:10

clairethewitch it just says stress. The GP asked me what I wanted him to write as understandably some people don't want to disclose they've had a breakdown. My manager knows but that doesn't necessarily mean I want HR knowing the ins and outs of why I'm off.

OP posts:
happymumof4crazykids · 11/12/2017 12:15

I wouldn't go. People will judge you for being off sick from work but being well enough to go out to party. Personally I would probably judge a colleague if they did the same. The staff at work don't know the reason for you being off work and unless you want to spend the night justifying yourself to other people I really wouldn't go.

PotteringAlong · 11/12/2017 12:23

that doesn't necessarily mean I want HR knowing the ins and outs of why I'm off.

Then you can’t expect them to be very understanding when you rock up to the staff Christmas party.

RatherBeRiding · 11/12/2017 12:28

Honestly I wouldn't. Regardless of what you feel up to, it will go down badly with a lot of your work colleagues that you're sick enough not to be at work, but well enough to party. And these are the people you're going to have to work with when you do return to work.

It might well do your stress and mental well being the world of good to be out and about and relaxing, but you could well be the recipient of some dirty looks and whispered gossip if you rock up at the works Christmas do when you're off sick! Not what you need.

Is there something else "social" you could do to get you out of the house instead? Meal out with friends? Cinema?

WorraLiberty · 11/12/2017 12:31

No, I meant to mix with more people OP

toomanycreambuns · 11/12/2017 12:31

Op, listen to what everyone is telling you. Your colleagues WILL judge you for being signed off and going to the office party. Like it or not, you will be the subject of scrutiny for however long afterwards.

In the main, most people are only interested in how things affect them personally. So, whatever the reality, they will view it that you are at home tucked up in the warm, wrapping your Christmas presents and watching Christmas presents while they are slogging their guts out in the office. You are then 'well enough' to come to the Christmas party. Seriously, it will not go down well.

I'm sorry that you are not feeling great but you are only signed off for two weeks. It would be lovely if everyone could be all accepting, kind and squishy about mental health issues but they're not and you would do better to protect yourself by staying home that night.

It doesn't sound like you have much going on outside work. Can you put more effort into increasing your social circle outside work? I find I'm much worse mental health wise if I don't have the structure of work/stuff going on in my life.

FlouncyDoves · 11/12/2017 12:32

You shouldn’t go.

It’s the standard parent test - too ill for school too ill to go to the party.

It doesn’t matter that it’s mental health.

PugonToast · 11/12/2017 12:35

Don't go. If you aren't well enough to go to work they will think it is very odd you are well enough to go to their party.

I think it will cause you vast amounts of problems with gossip and judgemental remarks.

Efnisien · 11/12/2017 12:35

You shouldn't hide away from folk but a work do is different and you will be judged cariad.