WIBU to go to the office Christmas party?

[GerddwrEryri]

After having a breakdown last weekend and struggling to hold it together on Monday, I decided to go off sick and the GP has signed me off until Christmas. The Christmas party is on Friday. WIBU to go? I'd really like to go, it'd be nice to get out and actually see people. I feel bad though for wanting to go when I'm not well enough to work and I'm worried about people judging me.

Of course you shouldn't go. You're off sick.

Coming from someone with severe MH problems.

I don't think people who are signed off should be confined to the house etc.

However, a works do? No. You'd be inviting problems.

TBH, I think companies can discipline if you are out partying while off sick.

I can understand this if you’re out on the lash while claiming to have flu, but stress and mental health issues are a totally different situation. I knew someone who was signed off work with depression and someone showed his boss Facebook photos from a party he’d been to. His boss called him asking how come he could go to parties if he was supposed to be ‘depressed’, which just shows a horrible lack of understanding about what depression is.

I have a colleague who’s been off for ages after a similar breakdown and I’d be delighted to see her at the Christmas party if she felt up to it. I’d think it would be a great first step for her to ease herself back into work.

I think I’d go if I felt up to it, but I’d still myself for reactions like the above, and be prepared to answer the questions that might crop up. You can explain to people that you’re coming to the party hoping to end the year on a high note after a difficult few weeks. But you might feel like it would be more stress than it’s worth, in which case I don’t think you should feel obligated to go either.

Of course you shouldn't go. I'm shocked you need to ask.

I think it really depends on the company. I worked at a small company with a lady who went off with anxiety / depression. We absolutely wanted her to come to the Christmas party (lunch at posh pub). She did and it was lovely. However, bigger companies are probably different and a big night out is quite different to a low key lunch.

Has anyone spoken to you about still coming?

TBH I wouldn't. I would consider the Christmas party a work thing and not go.
Can you arrange something with friends? It is good to get out but maybe not with colleagues.

Okay OP, I understand. But even if they're not picking up any of your work, from their point of view, they're carrying on going into work and you're not at your desk all week. And yet there you would be at the party on Friday as if by magic you suddenly felt able to go out.

. I do sympathise, I have a DD with terrible anxiety but do something nice with just your family or something instead of thinking about the office shindig and potentially causing more things you'd be worried about.

It will be against company policy and their liability insurance.

Do not go.

I understand everyone's comments but for me it would depend on how much you get on with colleagues, how supportive or not they are and what kind of Xmas do it is. There will always be some who will talk about you going and comments will be made.

If your work colleagues are good friends and you currently feel isolated or are avoiding going out, I don’t see what harm there is in showing your face and popping in to say hello. Obviously that's different to getting shit faced and dancing on tables!

Of course you don't go. If you're off sick, you are too sick to go to a party! Your colleagues might not know you are off due to MH.

My kids don't go to parties if they are sick.

Andit's not going to do your MH any good if you do go and feel everyone is talking about you! Whether they are or aren't, if you feel talked about, you will feel worse,and for a lot longer.

It's not a good idea to go to a party when you're unwell due to all the reasons mentioned here - the most obvious one being that if you're too ill to go to work it doesn't look good if you can go to a party.

That may seem tough - but there's always next year. Be gentle with yourself over the festive season and have a good Christmas.

Do people really expect mentally ill people to wallow in self pity and not do anything when they're signed off?

No, but neither do they expect you to rock up to the Xmas party literally days after you were signed off from work for a "breakdown".

I wouldn't go.
A colleague at my workplace had been off for a few weeks before our Xmas party last year and came to the party.
None of us knew why she was off.
I'm afraid to say that she was a topic of conversation and a few were shocked to see her as we had been really stressed covering her workload as well as our own.
Her attendance didn't go down well.

"Do people really expect mentally ill people to wallow in self pity and not do anything when they're signed off?" well, given that many people with MH feel that MH issues should be treated on the same levels as physical illness, reality is that if you're too ill (physically, mentally, it matters not) to go to work then you're to ill to be out partying.

I wouldn't. My DH has been off sick since October as he has had an operation on his shoulder.

His Xmas party was the weekend just gone and he refused to go as he said it wouldn't look good and just knew comments would be made behind his back as it happened to a guy the previous year. In his line of work, it's the busiest time of year and all hands are on deck.

Impossible to know what your workplace are like but if it's likely that there would be snide comments made, Would you feel comfortable going?

I wouldn't go to a work party, no. Absolutely get out and see people if you can, invite people over for a cup of tea etc, but not a work party if you are signed off sick. Why make a rod for your own back and invite potential issues with colleagues in the future (NOT saying MH issues are your problem at all and I suffer myself) for the sake of one night out.

I wouldn’t go. We had a similar scenario at my company last year and it was actually against policy for the person to come to our Christmas meeting.
Also, when people are drunk would you really want to be quizzed about your breakdown?

If you'd had a real breakdown, you wouldn't be able to go to a party and it would be the absolute last thing on your mind.

Also if it did go pear shaped and people though badly of you it would be awful for your recovery.

Wow.
So sad.
I had MH issues. I wouldn't have gone to a work party as it was work that pushed me to the edge!
But the judging and attitudes here are really saddening. We do need to educate people on MH issues. Someone with MH problems should be getting out, seeing people and trying to do things to lift their mood. It was part of my recovery.

And truth is that being off work all week, rocking up to the christmas party and then being off work the next week is taking the piss somewhat, regardless of what illness you have. The only exception to this IMO would be something where e.g. Someone had developed a life limiting illness meaning they were unlikely to ever be able to return to work but went through the sickness process in order to be medically retired etc iyswim.

My dp works with a woman who develops a physical illness every summer just before the school holidays. stays signed off work until after October half term then comes back on a phased return meaning she gets Christmas off. Her colleagues are incredibly resentful given her illness is so incredibly well timed to fit in with her childcare constraints. if she'd shown up to their xmas party I think the resentment would have been pretty obvious.

It was drummed into me so strongly as a child that if you’re too sick for school, you’re too sick for parties that I wouldn’t be able to go! I really think that it would be frowned upon to be too sick to go to work, but to go to a WORK party.

Yes, I'm wondering why you are asking too. If you are okay to be in a room with loads of people, very loud music, dancing etc from say 6pm to 1am, then your workplace might wonder are you not ok to spend 7.5hrs working.
So if the above is judging, then yes you'll be judged.
That said, we don't know what your normal work is. On a positive note, it is great that you are feeling so much better you would like to go out and socialise. And that you obviously enjoy your work colleagues company, which is something a lot of people don't, especially if they are very stressed in a work situation.
I would say, if you want to go the Christmas party, then go back to work before Friday!

Do you really need to rub your time off in the face of your colleagues?

Of course don't go. You cannot expect them to be understanding if a christmas do - which is a work situation! - is not too much for you, but the office is.

YABU.

Your colleagues WILL judge, even if only silently, and your employers WILL think WTAF??

I suffer from a severe auto immune condition and depression & anxiety and I get that you feel it may “lift” you a little but your works office party is not the place to do it!