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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to go to the office Christmas party?

275 replies

GerddwrEryri · 11/12/2017 09:03

After having a breakdown last weekend and struggling to hold it together on Monday, I decided to go off sick and the GP has signed me off until Christmas. The Christmas party is on Friday. WIBU to go? I'd really like to go, it'd be nice to get out and actually see people. I feel bad though for wanting to go when I'm not well enough to work and I'm worried about people judging me.

OP posts:
Cakesprinkles · 11/12/2017 09:56

Also, having suffered with anxiety and depression my entire adult life, I absolutely get that being out and about is vital to recovery. But there are many more ways to do that than the office Christmas party. If work is so stressful that you cannot bear to go, why on earth would you WANT to go to the party!?

Brokenbutbreathing · 11/12/2017 09:59

I don't think anyone here is disagreeing with:

Someone with MH problems should be getting out, seeing people and trying to do things to lift their mood. It was part of my recovery.

But the important point here is that the work Christmas do is absolutely not the right place to do this. If you are not well enough to go to work, you are not well enough to go to the party. It would be completely inappropriate.

I know for sure that everyone here offering comments in answer to your question doesn't want you to "wallow in self pity". But do go and find other things to do that help your recovery. The work Christmas party is not on.

Do people really expect mentally ill people to wallow in self pity and not do anything when they're signed off?

SandSnakeofDorne · 11/12/2017 09:59

I think if you go you will need to be prepared to be completely upfront about your mental health issues. Speak to your manager first. I’d even consider sending an email round the team explaining.

sailorcherries · 11/12/2017 10:00

I agree with the others. No one expects mentally ill people to 'wallow in seld pity', quite the opposite. However, less than two weeks after being signed off work for MH reasons I would not be going to the Christmas party. It's highly inappropriate.

Although not completely the same, I am on mat leave and had an invite to the works Christmas night out. I refused because I am not at work. If you aren't at work you don't go to the night out. The only exception may be if a colleague was retiring or leaving and I wanted to say goodbye.

MaggieFS · 11/12/2017 10:01

OP, until I had first hand experience of a family member with MH, I would have thought it a bit off if you turned up at the party. I wouldn't have meant to be mean, but I just didn't understand about it. Now I do and I completely get the importance of being out and about, but I just don't think you'll be doing yourself any favours as less knowledgable people will probably form the same opinion as I would have done.

Can you do something else with non-colleagues?

allegretto · 11/12/2017 10:01

I wouldn't go, not because I am judging you but it could backfire if someone complains. I definitely couldn't go to a party on sick leave but our sick leave rules are absurd - I was told by my doctor to go swimming to help my rehabilitation but I would have been disciplined by work for doing this!

ceecee32 · 11/12/2017 10:05

I would say that there is a massive difference between someone who has been off work with a MH condition going to a works party after they have been off for many weeks with a view to easing them back into work and someone who has been so ill following a 'breakdown' that they have been ill for a whole week.

Pandoraphile · 11/12/2017 10:05

As a pp said - if you'd had a real breakdown there's no way you would be able to even think about partying. Coming from someone with severe mh problems. It will look incredibly bad if you go.

Mrscaindingle · 11/12/2017 10:05

Someone with MH problems should be getting out, seeing people and trying to do things to lift their mood

Absolutely but not at the office Christmas party, people don't need educating about mental health problems to know that this is not appropriate.

user1471596985 · 11/12/2017 10:05

I really would not go. Completely inappropriate.

HandsOffMyChocolate · 11/12/2017 10:07

I wouldn't go because it's a work party. The company could reasonably argue that you're on the sick to avoid the pressures of the workplace. It's been proven time and time again in law that work functions are an extension of the workplace (which is how companies get sued for people injured at work functions and how people get sacked for their behaviour).

If it was a friend only gathering, I'd say go ahead and join in the fun because like you've said MH problems aren't improved by shutting yourself from the world.

I just wouldn't go to a work function in your circumstances.

I hope things start getting better for you soon Flowers

crisscrosscranky · 11/12/2017 10:09

If your work colleagues are the understanding type they'll contact you to encourage you to come. If they do that then absolutely go.

Otherwise I would agree with PP that you should make alternative arrangements with friends

I hope you feel better soon OP

curryforbreakfast · 11/12/2017 10:09

Someone with MH problems should be getting out, seeing people and trying to do things to lift their mood

like work? If you can be with all the same people and discuss work things at night with a drink in your hand, they are going to wonder why you can't do it during the day without!

WorraLiberty · 11/12/2017 10:13

OMG no, of course you shouldn't go as it would probably seen as royally taking the piss.

There are plenty of other ways of getting out and about.

Undercoverbanana · 11/12/2017 10:14

I don't think you should go. Sorry. When I have anxiety problems I run, cycle, swim and spend time with friends because it is important to do things that help your state of mind.

Socialising with work people is my idea of hell anyway, but I think it would be inappropriate. As would photos of you partying on social media while you are off sick.

FlyMaybe · 11/12/2017 10:14

Andit's not going to do your MH any good if you do go and feel everyone is talking about you! Whether they are or aren't, if you feel talked about, you will feel worse,and for a lot longer.

This.* It will not go down well with your work colleagues, OP.*

Hope you feel better soon.** Thanks

Auldspinster · 11/12/2017 10:15

Unfortunately mental health difficulties are misunderstood by a lot of people and you may be (wrongly) judged. I'd try getting out and about but not to the office party.

HopingForSomeSnow · 11/12/2017 10:18

Whatever your health issues, you shouldn't go. If people see you having a great time at the party they will assume that your illness is not very serious and you are taking the piss. And they would not BU to think that.

Chowmum · 11/12/2017 10:18

Do people really expect mentally ill people to wallow in self pity and not do anything when they're signed off?

The problem is, you're not at the wallowing stage. You've been off for a week, and this is (hopefully) a short term problem. If your workplace is such a great place and all the people you're working with are such fun; as other posters have said, you would be better off at work rather than wallowing in self pity at home.

But you're not at work. People are going to judge, there's no way round that. It might be different if you'd been off for a while, and were trying to get back to work.

Absolutely do NOT go to the party.

MrsExpo · 11/12/2017 10:20

I wouldn't go. Whether you're physically ill with the flu or a broken leg, or suffering from MH issues, you're too ill to work. Therefore, you're too ill to party also. YABU to think otherwise. Stay off til you're well enough get back into the full swing of things at work and then join in with both work and social events as appropriate. If you feel you need some social interactions with other people - and I can see why you might - then socialise with family, partner and none work friends.

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 11/12/2017 10:22

If you’re too sick for work, you’re too sick to party.

Glumglowworm · 11/12/2017 10:22

I really wouldn’t

I’ve been off on LTS with MH issues before and wasn’t even invited to the party so I do understand that you need to be doing stuff out and about.

But your colleagues WILL judge the crap out of you for going off sick but being well enough to party. Particularly as it’s only recently you’ve been sick.

Rachie1973 · 11/12/2017 10:24

Wolfiefan
But the judging and attitudes here are really saddening. We do need to educate people on MH issues. Someone with MH problems should be getting out, seeing people and trying to do things to lift their mood. It was part of my recovery.

Very few people have said she shouldn't be out and about. In fact, as far as I can see most are encouraging it.

Its the fact it's a work party when OP is off work sick that raises eyebrows. Even then I think people are concerned for the OP, and her mental health as a result of exposing herself to gossip rather than judging her for going out.

Glowerglass · 11/12/2017 10:24

Don't go. At worst people will judge you, at best they will talk to you constantly about work so they can pick up stuff whilst you are off.

thecatsthecats · 11/12/2017 10:26

I've been under stress at work recently. The work Christmas party was on Friday - and a lot of work stuff came up! Including a woman overdoing it and spouting off about the root of all the stress. I wouldn't do it OP.