WIBU to go to the office Christmas party?

[GerddwrEryri]

After having a breakdown last weekend and struggling to hold it together on Monday, I decided to go off sick and the GP has signed me off until Christmas. The Christmas party is on Friday. WIBU to go? I'd really like to go, it'd be nice to get out and actually see people. I feel bad though for wanting to go when I'm not well enough to work and I'm worried about people judging me.

Definitely don't go, people will judge you x

Taking the p**s is what comes to mind (not WIBU) lol

You ought to be able to do. It ought to be recognised that well enough to relax with colleagues is not the same as well enough to work. It ought to be recognised that doing this sort of thing is part of what helps you come back to work. It ought to be known that someone could go to a work party on crutches, who couldn't work yet, and the same should apply to mental health problems.

Sadly, however, there seem to be a lot of judgemental people, often in more senior positions, who do not recognise any of that. And there are less senior people who love dumping people in it.

I was lucky, when I was off long term sick, my colleagues decided it was a good idea to take me out for a meal once a month , to keep me up to speed, and the colleagues included my line manager. But that level of insight is rare.

You ought to be able to do it, but I think you'd be foolish to risk it. Which is, of course, very unfair.

I guess it depends of your line of work? (and how rowdy your parties get?)

I once went to a talk at work whilst being still signed off recovering from a big op. I was hesitant to go but the talk was by a very-much-admired speaker so I pumped myself with painkillers and went anyway (walking very gingerly). I had prepared in my head an explanation to give to people in case anyone asked me, but barely anyone seemed to have even noticed that I had gone in the first place (TBF, due to the nature of the operation, I had kept it under wraps and very few people knew the reason why was I off). One colleague, who gave me a lift home after the talk, told me many months later (when I felt I could talk about it) that he thought I had hurt my knee or something because of the way I was walking (!)

So it turned out that I had it in my head that people would be questioning how unwell I really was and nobody made me feel uncomfortable or asked any questions! Maybe they thought I was signed off for stress or something, and gave me a wide berth! Bottom line, nobody cares, just your line manager and because they're paid to look after you whilst in the job.

What have you decided to do OP?

PugonToast I really like your post.

I haven't read the whole thread (too depressing) but some of the posts I have read are so shockingly ignorant that I can't not post on here. Poster after poster trotting out the slogan "if you're too ill to work, you're too ill to party". It must be so lovely to have such a clear, black and white view of the world. For many people all over the country struggling with their mental health (and in fact their physical health), a meal out might be their only contact that week or month, it may be the only thing they do that week and they then may take a week or longer to recover. After two hours they might be completely exhausted but it may have helped them stay connected to the world.

To the poster who wrote the above and qualified it by stating that some people want mental health treated the same as physical health - you are majorly misunderstanding what this means to such a comical degree that I can barely take it seriously. What it means is that people with mental health problems should be afforded the same rights as those with physical health problems, that mental health should be taken as seriously as physical health. What it doesn't mean is that the two are exactly the same and have exactly the same effects and presentations. Even physical health problems vary greatly in how they impact day to day.

I really can't bring myself to write anymore as it seems there is a massive fight for recognition of mental health and it's effects. In as ideal and compassionate world, work colleagues would be concerned and want to support you, OP, and encourage you to join them if you felt it would help. Sadly that compassionate world is a long way off and so, for your own sake, I wouldn't go.

I imagine that OP has most likely gone now but if not I hope you feel better soon and know there really are people who understand, who know that just because you can do something one day for an hour doesn't mean you can go straight back to work and that slogans such as "if you're too sick to work, you're too sick to party" are not only mind blowingly ignorant, they perpetuate an uncaring and unempathetic society.

I also think it's worth looking at why you want/need to go to this - you've said basically work is the only social aspect of your life and otherwise you spend 9 hrs a day on your own. Really you need to work on this for your well being, and try to change things so you aren't totally reliant on work for that social contact.

I know exactly what you mean, chirpy, there's so much ignorance about MH issues. It's just so simplistic to say 'if you're too ill too work you're too ill to party'. That's what you say if someone is off with a cold or the flu. I get exhausted when I try and do things, but it's so important to keep trying.

I would speak to a colleague whose opinion you can trust, OP, and ask what they think.

I actually think you might be over estimating how hard it might be to go, tbh; it might be better to arrange to meet a couple of them for lunch first and see if you cope with that.

I think the issue here (with going to the party) is that the OP says she had a breakdown at the weekend, signed off sick on Tuesday and wants to go to a party on Friday. Now whether we are talking about a physical or mental health issue that is just not on i’m sorry. I had a very similar collapse a few years ago and I cannot imagine how it would be appropriate to go to the office party in the same week as being signed off. No way.

Well said Essexgirl!

Not really Lillithxxx as Essexgirl's argument is based on the assumption that every single person with mental health problems are the same, have the same reaction and follow these unspoken 'rules' that ensure they appear 'genuinely' ill to satisfy everyone else. Which if course is not a strong basis for an argument.

I have a dissociative disorder. It has happened that I have had a suicidal crisis one day with crisis team called and then managed to get to my college evening course the evening after and nobody realised what had happened (I didn't tell them due to the examples of ignorance displayed on this thread). I wasn't well, and I wasn't 'taking the piss'. It just so happened that I had a crisis, was severely unwell and managed college for three hours the following day as I felt that it might be beneficial and then needed the rest of the week to recuperate. I am not suggesting this is what is happening here, just pointing out (for the umpteenth time on MN as it is a theme) that not everyone has the same experiences and people vary greatly in their responses to stress and life events. It does not automatically mean they are skiving, lying or taking the piss. But I fear that trying to instil empathy in those that have no capacity to think outside their narrow experiences is futile so I will stop there.

Sorry chirpy, aren’t I allowed to agree with an opinion that resonates with my situation? Please don’t go calling the no empathy or understanding card on me. Just because not all of us choose to write essays on here about our own struggles does not mean we don’t have understanding or experience.

I think you can see it probably wouldn't be appropriate as you wouldnt of asked.

If your work colleagues are your only accessable friends, ask your closest to meet for coffee/a walk etc. Dont go on your Christmas doo- you'll get ripped to shreds (rightly or wrongly) and thats not good for your mh either x

you cannot go and you know it.

Essexgirl is spot on... it would be inappropriate and insensitive to go.

OP, you say that one of your hobbies is walking. I wonder if you've considered joining the Ramblers Association? They have district associations for all ages and abilities of walker as well as offering occasional social get-togethers. Regarding the general thread, I'm going to throw my hat into the arena and argue that it still is not appropriate to go to the office Christmas do only days after being signed off. If you have colleagues (and management) who understand and support sufferers of mental health issues as a few posters on this thread have, then great. It's good that they are enlightened - but there is still a number of companies who will have someone (or possibly more) who will bitch about it and could cause trouble. Now I'm not saying that your colleagues are like that - obviously I don't know them - but there is that danger and you could find yourself the subject of disciplinary action, especially if a member of the management starts feeling aggrieved.

I know this thread has divided opinion and I do very much understand about mental health issues as I am extremely close to a sufferer and as I stated in my previous post, it would totally unfair to not to expect you to get out and have some Seasonal fun, but please don't do it in a way that could compromise your job in any way as that will not be good for your mental health. I hope you feel better soon.

I'm very surprised that about a week after a full on suicidal breakdown involving the police you're even thinking about going out to a party.

Fresh air, socialising etc are great for mental health, as is exercise and a healthy diet.

But not at a work event whilst you're signed off sick.

Breakdown at the weekend, signed off on the Tuesday and wants to go to a work party on the Friday?
Seriously, NO! That's not on at all!

I think this thread has told you everything you need to know. Rightly or wrongly lots of people think you are BU to go. Even if you disagree you need to think about the impact it will have on you at work at this time. You may want to be a trail blazer about educating people about mental health but I am not sure this is the best way to do it. I think there is a risk to you that something could happen or be said that will impact you adversely. Keep your self safe. That is more important.

Go, but accept that, rightly or wrongly, your colleagues may not be that thrilled that you can manage the social side of work, but not the work part (especially given that you've said you're on wind down, so work isn't presumably that stressful at the moment)

Depends on your workplace. I’d go because I know all my colleagues - including the boss - would want to support me at a difficult time. They’d be pleased to see I was trying to get out etc.

You know your colleagues best so go by that 🙂.

'Breakdown at the weekend, signed off on the Tuesday and wants to go to a work party on the Friday?
Seriously, NO! That's not on at all!'

^
This

Only1Scoop sounds a bit Craig David to me...!

In all seriousness OP, I think as PP have said, colleagues will be judgemental about you attending the party - she can't work but she can party sort of thing. Unfair I know but true.

I also wonder given the seriousness of your breakdown whether it is wise to go to a party so soon after, but only you can make that decision.

How are you now, do you have someone supporting you? It's good you e got counselling booked in.

Maybe Op needs to 'chill on Sunday'

makes one wonder what kind of 'breakdown' they OP had given that she wants to attend the Xmas party so very soon after such a huge breakdown.

Some people indeed are taking the piss. Not saying that OP necessarily falls into this bracket but it does make you think.