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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants to go to wedding abroad 10 days after due date

237 replies

Smarshian · 01/12/2017 21:10

So my DHs v good friend is getting married 10 days after I am due to give birth next year. The wedding is a short flight away. This will be our second baby. We have a dd who will be almost 2 by the time this baby arrives. Our DD arrived 10 days late. DH wants to book flights to go to the wedding (on his own) and plans to go if baby arrives on time.
I don't know if IABU but I'd rather he didn't book flights as I will feel under pressure to say he is fine to go even if I don't feel up to being alone over night with a newborn and toddler this early on. He thinks it makes sense to book flights while they are cheap rather than last minute but says he won't go if I'm not up to it.
He plans to fly out early on the morning of the wedding and return late afternoon the following day.
AIBU not wanting him to book flights? Obviously if the baby arrives a couple of weeks early then I will be fine (assuming no other issues) but I just don't know how I will feel yet.

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 01/12/2017 21:14

how cheap? £50 or so might make sense, unless you're on a very low income.
It's unlikely that he'll get to go though.

confusedlittleone · 01/12/2017 21:14

1000000% not bu, he's a dick for even considering it

Original poster
Smarshian · 01/12/2017 21:15

Yes around £50 at the moment. Wouldn't really want to throw that money away but won't make a huge difference to us if we do end up losing it.

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 01/12/2017 21:15

Up to you but personally I'd say hell no, and be pretty clear that if I am in hospital or struggling from the birth and he even mentions a solo holiday our marriage is immediately pretty shaky. And if he even thought he could use paternity leave, a specific leave for fathers to help with newborns, to leave me to parent on my own with a newborn they will be the most expensive flights he has ever booked. Then I'd spend weeks trying out names with my last name in front of him because if he went on holiday baby would get my last name. Hth.

Salva · 01/12/2017 21:16

Do you have any other support?

Quartz2208 · 01/12/2017 21:16

Yep I would hope he understood its just terrible timing and it would be unfair for him to go

Cakescakescakes · 01/12/2017 21:17

He is being completely unreasonable for even suggesting this to you. Totally out of order.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/12/2017 21:18

Have him purchase flight insurance in case he needs to cancel his plans. Honestly, I think it's shitty of him to even contemplate going. When you're a parent, there are simply some things you aren't able to do, and with you just having a baby, this is one of them. He belongs at home with you and your children.

Original poster
Smarshian · 01/12/2017 21:18

I'm sure that my DM would come to help if I asked her but if I'm honest I'd probably find her suffocating! She was a bit unhelpful when dd arrived.

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 01/12/2017 21:18

He can miss the wedding. What if something meant you needed more recovery post birth?
Would he go if you hadn’t given birth???

FWIW, my first was 8 days late. My second was bang on time.

DrizzleHair · 01/12/2017 21:18

If he's willing to take your toddler, and you have someone nearby who can visit you, I'd agree. Otherwise hell no

TheEdgeOfGlory266 · 01/12/2017 21:19

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. What if you go over? What if you end up having a c section? A new born - less than a few weeks old- along with another child is going to be hard work! I can't believe he would even consider it.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 01/12/2017 21:20

He is way out of order thinking it is acceptable to leave you with a newborn and a toddler. I would tell my h to stop being a selfish dick - parents don't just get to swan off and leave behind their newborn babies, nor should they want to!

Original poster
Smarshian · 01/12/2017 21:20

He can't take the toddler as the wedding is no children.

OP posts:
Trailedanderror · 01/12/2017 21:20

DH went away with my blessing for a cousins wedding when DD2 was a week old. If the tickets really are only £50, then he'd get a lot of it back as much of it is tax.

genever · 01/12/2017 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 01/12/2017 21:21

What if you're 10 days overdue?!

Original poster
Smarshian · 01/12/2017 21:21

I'm not really worried about losing the cost of the flights it's more the pressure of them being booked that bothers me.

OP posts:
Salva · 01/12/2017 21:22

Do you have any other support?
My DH had to go away for work soon after, I’d had an emc but my DM was able to stay, my friend did the nursery run for my 2yr old as I couldn’t drive, it was fine. Oh and we got a cleaner in.
I wouldn’t have wanted to be in my own though.
You could manage, but it’s shit timing and DH should appreciate that and at least look at getting you as much support as you might need.

Dairymilkmuncher · 01/12/2017 21:22

Hmmm I started reading that as he was being totally UR but less than 20 hours away from home and you around the same time a lot of other dads go back to work and you’ll have plenty of notice to arrange visits from friends or family around the same time to keep you company and give you a hand if actually be fine with my DP doing it and I’m due our third.

You’ll know your finances and what your toddlers behaviour is like better than anyone in here though

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 01/12/2017 21:23

What a dickhead! Of course he shouldn't go.

Original poster
Smarshian · 01/12/2017 21:23

Obviously if I end up not giving birth by then he won't go but I don't know how he'd feel if I gave birth 5 days over for example

OP posts:
queenofthesheds · 01/12/2017 21:23

Tell him no. No no no no no.

penny4321boom · 01/12/2017 21:24

YANBU unless the flights are ridiculously cheap and you can spare the money, but still think I would be fuming if my partner wanted to go away over night 10 days after my due date, especially as you will feel obliged to let him go because the flights are booked even if you don't feel up to it.

mrsBeverleyGoldberg · 01/12/2017 21:24

Maybe he'd think differently if he'd pushed a human out the end of his penis.