Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

DH wants to go to wedding abroad 10 days after due date

237 replies

Smarshian · 01/12/2017 21:10

So my DHs v good friend is getting married 10 days after I am due to give birth next year. The wedding is a short flight away. This will be our second baby. We have a dd who will be almost 2 by the time this baby arrives. Our DD arrived 10 days late. DH wants to book flights to go to the wedding (on his own) and plans to go if baby arrives on time.
I don't know if IABU but I'd rather he didn't book flights as I will feel under pressure to say he is fine to go even if I don't feel up to being alone over night with a newborn and toddler this early on. He thinks it makes sense to book flights while they are cheap rather than last minute but says he won't go if I'm not up to it.
He plans to fly out early on the morning of the wedding and return late afternoon the following day.
AIBU not wanting him to book flights? Obviously if the baby arrives a couple of weeks early then I will be fine (assuming no other issues) but I just don't know how I will feel yet.

OP posts:

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 01/12/2017 21:46

I can't say it would worry me. As long as the birth went ok. I'd rather lose £50 than spend £300. I was still pregnant at 41+3 so he wouldn't be going anyway.

positivity123 · 01/12/2017 21:47

Not ok for him to even think about going. Just say no.

LillyBugg · 01/12/2017 21:47

I’m going to go against the grain here...my DH went to a wedding when DS2 was five days old. It wasn’t aboard but it was far enough away to be practically overnight. He left at 5am and returned at about midnight from what I recall. I was okay about it, he wouldn’t have gone if I hadn’t been. Someone came and helped me during the day and DS1 went to his grandparents. For me, it was because the wedding is a one off event never to be repeated again. It’s not like a birthday party. And realistically, I was fine for just one day on my own. I just wanted to share my experience. I think if it were me and we could afford to lose the money I would book the flights but I’d be very clear that that doesn’t mean he can go. And ultimately OP if you don’t want him to go because you need him there then he shouldn’t go.

Viviennemary · 01/12/2017 21:49

I was ready to say he shouldn't go. But he'll only be away for one day. And he has said he won't go if you can't manage on your own. I think he should just go ahead with his plans.

Bea1985 · 01/12/2017 21:50

Honestly, if my husband suggested this I'd tell him that the locks would be changed before he'd even set foot on the plane.

SoozC · 01/12/2017 21:51

One of my best friends couldn't be my bridesmaid due to a medical condition about a fortnight before the wedding. We also had a few people (teenage children of friends) not turn up on the day that we'd paid for. The wedding happened just fine, we managed to have a lovely day regardless.

Your husband's friend will get over his mate not being there.

It's a shame your DH presumably doesn't see the birth of a second child as anything as miraculous as the birth of a first child... I imagine he wouldn't even think about going if it was your first child. How lovely that he can be so complacent about his own progeny.

ShowMeTheElf · 01/12/2017 21:52

Let him buy the tickets. It's a v good friend of his. If you haven't had DC2 or if you aren't up to him leaving then he won't go, but if you leave it to book and you are fine it will cost you much more for him to go.
A booking is not a commitment. Talk to him. believe what he says. If he hasn't been a dreadful DH up to now then there is no reason to believe that has changed: you've already said that you can afford to lose the money.

haveacupoftea · 01/12/2017 21:54

Of course he can't go. Stupid dick.

noeffingidea · 01/12/2017 21:55

SoozC think you're jumping to some weird conclusions in your last paragraph there.

AntiHop · 01/12/2017 21:56

No chance. He needs to be at home with you, even if the baby is 4 weeks old by then.

JaneEyre70 · 01/12/2017 21:57

If all goes to plan and you feel OK to let him do it, then he books the flights the night before he goes. Stuff the cost, that is irrelevant here. Your wellbeing and that of your DC comes before his best friend. End of. There are a million possibilities of things that could happen.

badg3r · 01/12/2017 22:03

NO!! Got many many reasons but primarily, looking after a newborn and two year old having just been through labour, by yourself, would be ridiculously unnecessary hard work.

How would he feel if you left him alone overnight with the kids at that age?! Fucking exhausted, that's how.

DH stays at home where he is needed more. Unless the bride and groom are completely batshit crazy then they will completely understand.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 01/12/2017 22:03

Would you be able to afford a nurse or nanny to cover? Provisionally book his flight and nanny but if not born by a week before then all cancelled. Make it partly time dependent rather than how you are feeling, so at -7 days or whatever you feel comfortable with it is cancelled so he doesn't have the chance to say well it's been 5 days and you seem ok.

cheminotte · 01/12/2017 22:04

I don't think he should go. Baby will be 0-6 weeks old. 2nd babies are sort of easier but baby 1 will need Daddy.

fabulous01 · 01/12/2017 22:05

I would let it be his choice
If he went I would change the locks

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 01/12/2017 22:07

If he’s set on going, he needs to take DC1 with him.

Originalfoogirl · 01/12/2017 22:08

This wouldn’t bother me. If it is a good friend, and it’s a couple of days I’d manage fine, ask a friend of relative to come help.

It does sound like he is trying to keep the time away to a minimum.

What did you mean about the pressure of having it booked? If you don’t mind losing the cost if he misses it, what is the pressure?

Original poster

Smarshian · 01/12/2017 22:08

He can't take DD with him. The wedding is no children

OP posts:

Crunchymum · 01/12/2017 22:08

Loving the 'cool wives' on this thread but it would be a big resounding no from me.

No fucking way.

My 2yo was an angel but there is no way I could have coped overnight on my own on the first few weeks with a toddler and newborn.

Original poster

Smarshian · 01/12/2017 22:09

Just the expectation he will go unless I say he can't, rather than assume he can't and if I feel ok with it then he books to go.

OP posts:

Crabbo · 01/12/2017 22:11

Up to you but for me no, absolutely not. A few people are saying he could be at work for that long, or their partners went away for work etc... true but this isn’t work is it. It’s an entirely optional party, for fun, leaving you even in the absolute best circumstance home alone with a tiny newborn and a very newly adjusting young toddler. For me it’s nothing to do with the money either way, it’s the principle, he shouldn’t even be considering it.

speakout · 01/12/2017 22:11

Is he this selfish in other areas of your relationship?

Original poster

Smarshian · 01/12/2017 22:12

He is usually very thoughtful and understanding but he just desperately wants to be at this wedding.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 01/12/2017 22:14

We have to put aside what we want sometimes, when we chose to have a family. Duh.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 01/12/2017 22:15

Loving the 'cool wives' on this thread

Let's not start with that. It's juvenile and reductive.

People have different lives, different thresholds and different experiences. To some, a night away if the baby arrives on time isn't a problem. There could be all kinds of reasons for that.

Silly, insulting labels is a bit unnecessary and unlikely to help the OP.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Swipe left for the next trending thread