DH wants to go to wedding abroad 10 days after due date

[Smarshian]

So my DHs v good friend is getting married 10 days after I am due to give birth next year. The wedding is a short flight away. This will be our second baby. We have a dd who will be almost 2 by the time this baby arrives. Our DD arrived 10 days late. DH wants to book flights to go to the wedding (on his own) and plans to go if baby arrives on time.
I don't know if IABU but I'd rather he didn't book flights as I will feel under pressure to say he is fine to go even if I don't feel up to being alone over night with a newborn and toddler this early on. He thinks it makes sense to book flights while they are cheap rather than last minute but says he won't go if I'm not up to it.
He plans to fly out early on the morning of the wedding and return late afternoon the following day.
AIBU not wanting him to book flights? Obviously if the baby arrives a couple of weeks early then I will be fine (assuming no other issues) but I just don't know how I will feel yet.

I would absolutely not be asking him to stay or telling him to go. Its up to him to make his own mind up on this. You are not his parent. When he says it's if you can cope, turn it around and say it's if he feels comfortable leaving you all.

I would absolutely not be asking him to stay or telling him to go. Its up to him to make his own mind up on this.

I agree.

It's up to him.

If he wants to behave like an utter shithole towards you and his children then that's his choice.

It would be up to him to deal with the impact of being a shithole.

What has he done Op? Did he speak to bride and groom? It's sad this is looming over your baby announcement. He'd be doing everyone a favour if he just grew up and declined the party invitation. We got married abroad and I honestly didn't even expect close friends to deal with the hassle, we'd have been fine with just close family. I bet they would hate the idea of you feeling stressed due to their nuptials.

The wedding is in brides home country so not really a destination wedding situation. He hasn't spoken to the bride and groom yet. I do think there will be some situations in which I'd be happy for him to go, I just want him to realise that he needs to decide whether it's right at the time, not leave it up to me to tell him whether he's allowed or not.
I've left it with him to speak to the bride and groom and see what they say. I don't want to argue with him about it. I think he understands my point so we will see what he ends up doing.

Of course he wants to leave it up to you!

Because then he can tell the bride and groom that he is t there because of you. You are the one responsible not him.
It’s also leaving him with the possibility to then make you all responsible if those days are hard or you are sailing through and don’t need help etc...
And at the same time, it puts the pressure in you to make the ‘right’ choice (think ‘aren’t you feeling guilty to force to stay when he really wants to go to that wedding? Aren’t really unable to cope? Just woman up! Etc... that we’ve seen on this thread)

I’m finding funny and irritating that those men who CAN take decisions when they want to, suddenly need a woman to take the decision when said the common sense decision is going against what they wish to do.
Thereby giving the responsibility to us if it goes per shape whilst opening the possibility to put pressure on you to be ‘the good woman who doesn’t attached her DH to her because she is oh ever so independant and not needy’

RagingFemininist you keep assuming that every woman would be unhappy about their DH going.

Quite a few on this thread have said they wouldn't have an issue with it.

OP I repeat if you don't want him to go then tell him just that. You now seem to be putting the onus on the bride and groom which really isn't fair.

I also repeat as other have. It's one and half days that he will be away for!

Totally unreasonable on his part

Nope. I was merely saying that it’s much easier to let someone else taking a decision that you don’t want to take. Esp if you are torn between ‘this is what I want to do for myself’ and ‘this is what I know I ought to do’.
By putting the responsibility on someone else (in this case the OP), that person (in this case the DH) gives themselves a lot of leeway too.

My comment isn’t just about the OP and her circumstances. It could be applied to a lot of other situations.

Having said that, yes I think he a twat to even ask. Just like a lot of other posters on this thread.
Maybe this is because I have been in the same position than the OP. Whee you feel that as an ‘independant woman’ I ought to be able to cope on my own. That I shouldn’t stop H to do what he wants etc...
and forgetting in the process MY own needs and my own wants.
It’s ok to ask fo d’héliport.
It’s also ok to expect your partner to sometimes out you first rather than them. And around giv8g birth is certainly a time to do that.
But I’m not say8ng anything there that hasn’t been said by other posters tbh.

Exactly what ragingfeminist has said 🍆✂️🤷🏻‍♀️

Pyongyang just because you would judge a man who did this doesn't mean everyone would. Personally I wouldn't consider it to be any of my business.

Did he book the flights?

I was going to say no fucking way, until I read morning until following afternoon. That's actually not out of the question, if it's a best friend.

My OH left for work a few hours after number 2's home birth, and then was out every day for the next 5 days when he then took a week off. He is self employed and it was his busiest week of the year (Christmas) followed by a quiet slump. If he hadn't have worked we wouldn't be able to pay bills in january-Feb. I'm still a bit sad about it but I was fine practically and my mum and mil came every day. 24 hours ish isn't too bad as long as it's not the first or second day probably.

Mind you, work as an essential to pay rent vs a wedding is a bit different. How close is the friend?