DH wants to go to wedding abroad 10 days after due date

[Smarshian]

So my DHs v good friend is getting married 10 days after I am due to give birth next year. The wedding is a short flight away. This will be our second baby. We have a dd who will be almost 2 by the time this baby arrives. Our DD arrived 10 days late. DH wants to book flights to go to the wedding (on his own) and plans to go if baby arrives on time.
I don't know if IABU but I'd rather he didn't book flights as I will feel under pressure to say he is fine to go even if I don't feel up to being alone over night with a newborn and toddler this early on. He thinks it makes sense to book flights while they are cheap rather than last minute but says he won't go if I'm not up to it.
He plans to fly out early on the morning of the wedding and return late afternoon the following day.
AIBU not wanting him to book flights? Obviously if the baby arrives a couple of weeks early then I will be fine (assuming no other issues) but I just don't know how I will feel yet.

Originally I thought he was unreasonable but when I read that it was for 1 night only... could a friend/family member stay over to help?

Any decent man wouldn't even suggest it.

It will be a big headache, he will make you feel guilty if it turns out he’s needed to help you yet he’s “already booked and ready to go, they’re expecting me, I don’t want to let my best friend down, etc. blah, blah.”

Op, you are #1. The best friend is a very distant #2. If you don’t set boundaries now, you will never be the first priority. Right now, he is absolutely putting the friend above you. A decent friend would not even countenance the idea of your dh leaving you alone during this time when who knows what might happen, and the truth is, when you have a baby, that is sure hell not the time, the first few weeks, to put anybody above you and your needs and your children’s needs. Period. This whole thing, your dh is putting his friend above you. Him saying he won’t go if something happens.....no, no, no. He knows you will feel too guilty, he knows it!

I wouldn't have minded, but neither would I have felt under pressure to be coping well enough to be able to manage without DH. In your situation, if I felt fine he'd have gone with my blessing, if I hadn't felt fine he'd have cancelled of his own volition.

In fact with first, he was often working overseas and away for the first 'post-natal' trip no more than two weeks in (but obviously wouldn't have gone had DC been late or had I felt unwell).

Only you can know how you feel after the birth. Perhaps before he books you can discuss how you will both react if you simply don't feel up to being alone.

If You Hadn't given birth 3/4 days before then he shouldn't go.

Loving the cool wives on this thread
It's absolutely nothing to do with being cool. As you said, there is no way you could have coped on your own with a newborn and a toddler - well, not everyone is the same as you. I found it quite easy.

More than he want to be with his wife, child and new born baby?

Absolute no from me.

Not a chance here and I was back doing the school run with three kids 2 weeks after my third and a funeral the day after my third.

There is a big difference between being at work for 8hrs a quick phone call away if something goes wrong to an overnight that’s a flight away.

Your older child will want the comfort from
The other parent as your hands will be tied up with a newborn who just wants to be on you. They will need lots of confirmation that they still matter.

No he should not go. At ten days DD and I were just getting out of hospital as I was very very ill plus she was over due.

No way. He's a selfish knob for even considering it.

All I can think is that if I was making polite conversation with someone on a table at a wedding overseas and asked if they had children and what ages and they said yes, two, in fact my youngest was born five days ago, I'd go "wow! How lovely, congratulations" while thinking, you utter, utter cock.

Of course yanbu 🙄

Doesn't matter when the baby comes is a selfish dick to think about going at all!!!

Why does anyone really want to go to their best friend's wedding to the extent they'd put it over the birth of their own child?

If his best friend said "no children" he knew it would cause a problem for your husband, so clearly your husband's presence wasn't that important to him.

He needs to be at home with you, even if the baby is 4 weeks old by then

Really? Most men are back at work by then. And. Some work away.

no what if you hav to have a cs? how u suppos to cope with both overnight

We had planned to attend together and leave dd with my dm. I only announced pregnancy this week.

It is personal choice and has to be your decision as a family. If things go according to plan I am sure it would be fine, rethink if other situations such as a C.Section occur. Personally I wouldn't see it as an issue whatsoever. There are many scenarios when a mother has to look after her children alone. Single mothers/widows/Military wives do this day after day and not just for one night. Many chaps go back to work about that time and lots of work commitments involve overnight / long shifts / business away from home etc. I would wish him well with the trip and snuggle down and enjoy your two babies.

'All I can think is that if I was making polite conversation with someone on a table at a wedding overseas and asked if they had children and what ages and they said yes, two, in fact my youngest was born five days ago, I'd go "wow! How lovely, congratulations" while thinking, you utter, utter cock.'

This.

Doesn't matter what you planned, now you're pregnant.

Can't believe anyone would even consider this.

I had a difficult birth and still couldn't have even looked after myself overnight at 10 days postpartum, nevermind a newborn and toddler.

So I'd say he's being very very selfish to even consider going, but appreciate some women are feeling relatively normal within a day or so and will have a different view.

Imagine you and your colleague share equal responsibility for the success of a project that is due to be finalised between week 37 and week 42. Said colleague tells you that actually he might take a few days off around week 41 because, well, he can, can he?!
Fuck no

Actually wouldn't bother me, I'm sure you are quite able and could cope perfectly well on your own.

You put in emergency childcare for DD if needed, could you DM have her for a sleepover rather than her stay with you?

I was originally thinking no, but actually I don't think he's being unreasonable. He's said he's willing not to go if the timings don't work. It's not 48 hours and you could have help. Presumably it's a special friend - I'd want to go in his shoes.

Do you have reason to doubt him, that he'd cancel? Would he pressure you unfairly? Or is that in your mind - would you be unable to say what you want?

Really?