To think a 13 year old boy shouldn't use the ladies loo?

[NameChangeLulu]

NC for this. Recently I was in a situation where a group of people I was in went to a service station. A boy of 13 was told by his mother to come into the ladies with her rather than use the gents as it was safer.

AIBU to think that’s not OK?

Depends on the child - if no SN though, yes its unacceptable.

My DS would refuse to come in.

13 is a teenager, not a child.

I’m surprised a 13 year old with no learning difficulties would want to go into the ladies and wouldn’t question it himself.

Sorry meant to put that- no SN.

How could you tell no SN?!

My 8yo has been refusing to come in the ladies with me for about 2 years. He insists on using the gents.

If there's one thing I've learnt on MN over the years is to always assume disabilities!

Far too old for the ladies loo.

@Wolfiefan this person is in my family

Maybe they identified as female?

Even if disabled its not really ok. That's what the disabled loo is for.

@PerfectlyDone that was going to be my comment

My ds is visually impaired. At 13 I would have taken him in with me. We used to get comments all the time but he couldn't really go in motorway service stations alone. Its a bit different in a restaurant where theres only 1 or 2 toilets and only 1 or 2 people using the loo at the same time but not where theres 20 or 30 people coming and going, it would be too disorientating for him and hes vulnerable too (SEN).

My DS is 13 and maybe last went into the ladies toilets with me when he was about 8 I think

YANBU. This really pisses me off, and the poor lad was probably mortified.

This ‘not safe’ bollocks is so ironic. Why do people think men’s toilets aren’t safe? It’s not because there’s monsters in there, it’s (I’m assuming) because there’s men. So why do they think women want to share a toilet with them?

Reinette can I ask why you/he wouldn't use the disabled toilet?

It depends. My DS is 12 and if I don't feel the gents is safe or clean, then he will use the ladies. It hasn't happened that many times, to be honest.

Normally, I'd agree but a few years ago, when my ds was about 13, he needed to go to the loo in a very busy London train station. He asked an employee standing near us where the toilet was and the man told him but also told us not to let him in on his own as it was dangerous. Luckily, dh was also with us so he went in with him but if I had been on my own with him, I'd probably have tried to persuade him to go into the woman's with me or loitered in the men's with him.

Thirteen is old enough to use the gents and she was infantilising him.

pen they should only be using the disabled toilet if disabled not just because of an over protective parent!

13 is still a child and his mother was with him so tbh I wouldn’t care less!

I think it depends on a number of factors:

1. SN? Mind you not all SN are visible.
2. What time was it?-if it was late at night/other time when there are other people are the mother was probably sensible in her precautions.
3. Where was this exactly? A loo in a family restaurant is one thing but there are all kinds of shady going on in services facilities off motorways. Alternatively there may have been reports of assaults in male loos in the area.
4. How big was the boy? Could he have reasonably fought off a grown man?
5. Was anyone else seen to go into the loos. If his mother had seen a lone man go in at a time when there were unlikely to be other people in there or shady lolling characters going in this may have promoted her instruction.

Let's put it this way, if you wouldn't be comfortable with your 13 year old daughter to go in alone at this time it would be unreasonable at best to expect the boy to go in alone.