To think a 13 year old boy shouldn't use the ladies loo?

[NameChangeLulu]

NC for this. Recently I was in a situation where a group of people I was in went to a service station. A boy of 13 was told by his mother to come into the ladies with her rather than use the gents as it was safer.

AIBU to think that’s not OK?

My son has sn but refused to go in the ladies from about age 7. In just stand right outside the men's and he knows to shout me if there is a problem. Unless a child has sn that is to severe for them to be able to follow that instruction I don't think they should be using the ladies at age 13.
That said a young teen in the ladies accompanied by their mum wouldn't bother me. I would imagine it would be mortifying for them though if it was the mum insisting.

Now you just sound ignorant. Accessible toilets are not just for physical disabilities and are commonly and correctly used by people with cognitive disabilities, autism and a whole range of medical conditions that require more space or privacy. I hope you are not the sort of person who tuts when anyone not in a wheelchair uses one.

It’s a disgrace why are our male children classed as lesser human beings that don’t need as protected.

Isn't it funny how the needs and wishes of boy children are always deemed as more important than the needs and wishes of girl children?

@WishingOnABar you keep that boy with you for as long as you want to. Maybe if we stopped treating young boys as predators they’d stop turning into them! Look up self fulfilling prophecy.

Wtaf Archery where in my post did I say that boys were more important than girls read my first post where I state that no 13yr old should be unaccompanied in a toilet.

Do feck off with your assumptive crap.

You are positing 13 year old boys as being horribly oppressed if they are not allowed to use the women's loos, Mustang, while completely ignoring how this might affect say, 13 year old girls.

@ArcheryAnnie oh god really. This isn’t about girls vs boys. This is about protecting all children, yes, children.

If there was any reason for that mum to suspect something was up with the male loos then so what if he used the ladies. She could have seen a group of dodgy blokes walk in there, a drunk or anything

No 13 year old should be unaccompanied in a toilet? Bloody hell! If I had to accompany my dd every time she went to the toilet while we are out in a restaurant or cinema or bowling alley etc. I wouldn't be bothered to take her out. What a pain in the arse! it's OK when they are young- up to about age 8, but if I still had to go with her every time age 13 I'd be driven crazy!

No I am not actually. I have however been on the receiving end of a severe dressing down from someone when we left a disabled loo since we were two apparently able bodied people.
This led to me having to explain my son’s disability, in front of him, to prove we weren’t abusing the facilities.
Do you think sn children need to hear themselves being excused and justified? It doesnt do much for a child’s self esteem to have to constantly tell random strangers that they have autism so they can just use the toilet in a public place. If you don’t grasp that then you frankly sound more ignorant than me.

@ArcheryAnnie oh god really. This isn’t about girls vs boys. This is about protecting all children, yes, children.

No, it's about the women's toilets.

Good god you are a special one. How would that effect a 13yr old girl seriously? I can imagine both teens would be mortified and not clap eyes on each other whilst in passing or washing their hands. You are not leaving either of them unattended at any point whilst using the toilet. Trust me I’d wish someone had been looking out for my sibling that day he was assaulted. Instead of women and men perpetuating the bs that some how our boys can look after themselves. It’s utter crap.

But lils why does the protection of boys need to take precedence over the protection of girls? The sexual intimidation and assault of teenage girls by teenage boys common. Far more common that the assault of teenage boys in the mens loos in fact. So why would you insist that boys be admitted when there are alternatives that keep both safe.

I honestly don't think I'd care. Shut the cubicle door behind you, he's not seeing anything and if it's a service area that you're not familiar with and is next to a motorway where anyone could grab him, why not get him to come in with you? TBH id have used the disabled if it was accessible and get abuse from everyone on mumsnet for it but I wouldn't particularly want my children out of sight in that situation. What if something happened, you'd kick yourself for sending him to the toilet alone because others don't agree

So girls in women's toilets at 13 are safe alone.

Boys in women's toilets at 13 are safe (though may be unwelcome) alone.

Girls in men's toilets at 13 are not safe alone.

Boys in men's toilets at 13 are not safe alone.

Anyone else think the problem might be men in toilets?! Maybe if we dealt with that problem we would spend so much time arguing over who is allowed in women's toilets.

Fresta I see where you are coming from but trust me a 13yr old is just as vulnerable as an 8yr old. I’d not be comfortable with it girl or boy. I’m happy to hold my hands up and say I’m likely completely paranoid but I’d certainly not judge a parent protecting their child how they see fit.

Well next time just stare at them and say " not all disabilities are visible ". No need to explain - i don't. And the chances of you having to explain use of a disabled toilet are going to be no greater than the amount of explaining you'll have to do if he's in the womens as he gets older.

Aren't there usually signs up? Kids aged 7/8 plus go into the correct toilet for their sex.

Most 13 yr olds surely go out with friends? They manage just fine then!!

No a 13 yr old should not he in the opposite sexs' restroom.

Any child who has AN to the point if they are unable to use the correct toilet would surely qualify to use the accessible toilet. It's not just for people in a wheel chair.

I wouldn't give a shit but my dds would

I remember watching On TV as a woman recounted how her 12 year old son was molested in the toilets as she waited outside.

Since then I take younger boys with me to the toilets, my nephews, and now my kids.

I worked in a place with with unisex toilets, so no, this would not bother me one bit.

I couldn't care less. A couple of bars around here have mixed sexed toilets, my sons school (secondary) has mixed sex toilets. No big deal. Not sure what's inappropriate unless everyone is weeing with the door open.

Girls will not be safe in the womens toilets alone if the womens toilets are full of teenage boys. Sexual intimidation, harrassment and assault do not suddenly start age 16+ - just look at the reports of what happens in secondary schools.

YANBU but you wont convince some mumsnetters who think their little Princes can't manage to toilet without being escorted by their 'loving' mothers.

Some mothers think its ok for their big, strapping 13 year old male offspring to use the female changing rooms at swimming centres too. They can't possibly manage in the male changing rooms see.... The privacy of teen females comes way down their list! Makes me wonder how the hell they get out of bed and changed for school tbh. But there we go....That's a different thread!

Barbarian are you honestly implying that a teenage boy in the loo with his mother is a threat to a teenage girl?

The sexual intimidation and assault of teenage girls by teenage boys common.

No one is ushering groups of boys in, we are talking about a boy accompanied by a female adult.

YABU to think it's not ok - some 13 year olds are still children, or at least more child-like than other 13 year olds, it isn't just about SN, he might be freaked out by the urinals because he is struggling with puberty, he might have had a bad experience, you just never know. And as others have said, really what is the harm if there are cubicles.

I wouldn't have a problem though my DS would've had the shock of his life if he saw a moon cup being flushed in the communal basin. Mind you, so would the DDs.

Just to lighten the mood. Why is everyone suddenly using 'bathrooms' on these threads like a prudish American, rather than toilet or loo?

sailor are you suggesting its ok for teenage boys to be endangered in the mens if their mum isn't with them? Either its reasonable for them to use the womens or its not.