To think a 13 year old boy shouldn't use the ladies loo?

[NameChangeLulu]

NC for this. Recently I was in a situation where a group of people I was in went to a service station. A boy of 13 was told by his mother to come into the ladies with her rather than use the gents as it was safer.

AIBU to think that’s not OK?

I hate the amount of times people imply that the men's toilets are somehow unsafe.

If a child is too young to be alone then thry can reasomably go in with the parent (though you rarely see fathers taking their girls into the men's).
If the teen is disabled or SEN meaning thry need an accessible loo then they should use the accessible facilities.
If they are old enough to go to the bathroom independently they should use the correct facilities.

I have to be honest and say if it was just a 13 yr old lad using the loo & not mucking about, it really wouldn't bother me. I used to be a cleaner and have spent too much time cleaning loos of both sexes
I can kind of understand why some people wouldn't be happy, but it wouldn't worry me personally.
If it was a group of teenage lads coming in to use the loo, that would be a bit weird!

What horror might befall said 13 year old in the ladies? Or vice versa? They have stalls in there - it’s not like he is going to see anything except people washing their hands.... or at worst maybe buying a tampon/condom. I can’t see why it’s any one else’s business. All toilets should be like the one in my photo imo

Leilanij why are you looking in the gents toilet?

can I ask why you/he wouldn't use the disabled toilet?

Often there's only 1 or 2 and a lot of SEN groups will stop with a coach full of people who all need to use that disabled loo. He also doesn't feel he was disabled and used to think he was taking it away from those who were genuinely in need of the extra space they are designed to provide for. He just needed an ordinary sized toilet so I used to take him in to the ladies into the first cubical closest to the door and I stood outside the door. I don't need to go in with him he does that bit himself. He just needs guiding to sinks etc.

@Ttbb 100% no SN, this mother and boy are very well known to me.

The ladies was clean and modern so no reason to assume the gents wouldn’t be, was a major service station on a motorway so lots of people coming and going- was middle of the day so no late night worries.

Let's put it this way, if you wouldn't be comfortable with your 13 year old daughter to go in alone at this time it would be unreasonable at best to expect the boy to go in alone.

It’s never OK for a 13yo girl to go in the men’s at any time

I always worry about my 10 yr old going into the men’s on his own since those cases of boys being raped in shopping centre toilets.
It’s more a case of him not bring with an adult rather than it being a men’s toilet.

Sorry forgot to add that no he’s not a big 13 so unlikely yo fight off a grown man but then my 35 year old DH is slight and would struggle to fight off a grown man so not sure how good a gauge he is!

Would merrily send a girl to the ladies on her own there.

My ds is much younger (9), but I would not currently let him use the male loos on his own, especially in motor way services. There are frequently stories in the press about sexual assaults on unaccompanied younger boys/ children in male loos. While thankfully rare, I would not take the risk with my child, and 13 is still a child. Also- no possible risk/ concern to other women in this instance, as his mum was with him anyway.

All toilets should be like the one in my photo imo

Yeah, bollocks to the safety of women 👍🏽

YANBU.

If SN then disabled toilets otherwise the gents.

trashcanjunkie are you being willfully ignorant?

98% of sexual crimes are committed by men.

Children on their own in an environment secluded from public view with strange men are much more at risk than with women.

Flashing and sexual assaults of children do happen in toilets.

I’d have had no chance getting my 6ft 13 year old DS into a ladies loo

All toilets should be like the one in my photo imo

id be happy with that as long as each toilet was in a self contained room with a sink, floor to ceiling walls and doors and opening onto a corridor not a room.

Sadly it mostly seems to be the option in your image, or the men's...

I would take my son into the disabled toilets where possible he has complex disabillities this Is why we have a radar key .

Sorry - I phrases that badly. Where there are inclusive toilets they are usually the ladies repurposed

@Readermumof3 6ft! Kids are so bloody tall now!

Bloody hell. My two dc (12 and 13yo) would due if embarrasement if they had to go to the ladies.
I’m syrprised he sais yes to that request tbh.

What sort of risk does a 13yo boy pose to other washroom users when he is with his mum in a service station?

I have taken a boy in of this age who had learning disabilities. Everyone stared, but he could not use the loo himself, he physically needed help. No disabled toilet, so I had no choice.
If a parent did this when there was no SN, then yes very unreasonable.

Too old by far for the ladies.

When mine was about ten I did once send a passing policeman into the loos after him because he'd taken so long!

I can't imagine a non SN 13 year old would go in the ladies toilets with his mum.

That last comment by Ttbb sums it up absolutely perfectly.

My 8 year old stepson won’t even come to the ladies with me and his sister! It’s been that way for well over a year. If he has any special needs they should have gone to the disabled loo together. 13 is too old to be in the ladies toilets.