To think a 13 year old boy shouldn't use the ladies loo?

[NameChangeLulu]

NC for this. Recently I was in a situation where a group of people I was in went to a service station. A boy of 13 was told by his mother to come into the ladies with her rather than use the gents as it was safer.

AIBU to think that’s not OK?

Of course he should have used the male bathroom!
SN can be an exception of course, if no unisex bathroom is available. Still not clear cut though, say SN 13yo and female carer, why is it assumed they should use the female bathroom considering the person who is actually using the toilet is male?
(genuine question, not trying to be provocative)

He's old enough to use the mens. Service stations are usually very busy so it's unlikely he would come to any harm in the mens.

However, don't really get the issue with having a boy in the ladies, it's not as if the women can be seen by him- the cubicles have doors! Not sure what you are all ding that needs to be done in a female only environment.

Why didn't his mum take him into the gents instead at that age.

• if it is fine for teenage boys to be in the ladies then it is fine for ladies to be in the gents accompanying their boys. Not like it's anything we mums haven't seen before.

Perhaps if "safety" is the concern, then having more mums taking their boys into the gents would improve safety in there.

MY 13 yr old DS would go nowhere near the Ladies! I’d wait outside the Gents for him if he was concerned.

To be fair, I think mens loos probably aren't a very safe place for a kid on his own but 13 is quite old for some kids. However, what is really the problem with him going in the ladies loo? When I last checked we had cubicles!

@NameChangeLulu I know! The P7 kids at school dwarf their teacher and she’s 5ft 6 🙈. DS1 is 6ft 2 now and still growing...

Accompanied my then 8ish year old DD into loo at services. As I was chatting to her I was surprised to hear a male voice, turned around to see a chap bring his toddler daughter in. I have no idea why he didn't take her into the gents with him. He appeared to think it was quite normal.

Those people who are baffled as to why some think mens loos aren't totally safe... why do you think this?

It is hardly the crime of the century if his mum was there with him. And generally speaking I would rather a boy went into the ladies as there are cubicles whereas the men's has urinals so not really so appropriate for women to go in there?

She does sound over protective but I once sent my DS into the men's at a motorway services when he was about 10 and was a little concerned he took a long time - was about to ask someone to check on him when he came out crying. I tell you I was sick to my stomach thinking something horrific must have happened. As it turned out he had been scared by another man who was behaving in a drunken way in there and so DS was too scared to actually use the toilets so had been waiting for the man to leave. In the end he came out crying and I did tell him to use one of the disabled toilets as he still needed to go.

So if someone has had a bad experience like that then it can make them more cautious perhaps.

gerry
From my point of view it just seems to he the reason given for closing down female spaces. (E.g. let transwomen in, thrn men dressing as women, and teenage boys etc) and women are expected just to put up.

I understand not sending an unaccompanied child into the mens, but a NT teenager should use the toilets of their sex in my opinion.

If the message is 'men's toilets aren't safe so X had an exemption to use the women's' then to me there has to be a line somewhere. E.g. more effeminate men feel unsafe because some men are homophobic so do they use tje women's too?
What about women who want a female only space?

Some universities now have unisex loos. What will become of those being forced to share with the opposite sex?

Surely at 13 young people are going out with their friends and making their own way to public toilets without an adult?

Whinesalot well, some of them will get assaulted, if you look at past experience. Others will restrict their eating and drinking in order not to have to use the loo, because they have been assaulted in the past and don't wish to be trapped in an enclosed space with strange men. Some will use the loo but be made uncomfortable by the lack of privacy. Others will be completely fine.

Most service stations have a family loo (separate from the accessible one)-could she not have taken him in there if he could not safely use the men's?

Well exactly sirzy. What does he do when he's in town with his mates and needs the loo and mummy isn't there?

I have never understood the problem woman have with situations such as this. We have nothing out on display in the toilets and we use lockable cubicles. What does it matter? Are you worried that a 13 yr old boy will see you put your lipstick on, wash your hands, use a hand dryer? What is it?

Surely you would like to ensure the 13 yr old's safety as well? There are, sadly, risks to using public toilets especially in less secure venues like service stations or petrol stations.

I’ve stood outside men’s loos when ds was the same age, if the loos were near deserted. So that any perv would know there was someone keeping an ear out and someone expecting the kid to reappear momentarily. This was before ds had that right of passage where they start sitting on the toilet for 30 minutes!

IMO a disabled person can wait two minutes while a kid uses the disabled loo. I’ve done that as well when he was younger.

Both my ex partner and my nephew were approached by creepy guys in public loos - one in a very high end hotel. So it happens and it’s a very uncomfortable feeling.

He obviously is gender fluid when it comes to his bodily fluids.

My DS age 11 had a bad experience in a public toilet in a supermarket recently. I was standing outside but some much older teenagers inside were vandalising the toilets. They laughed at my son but didn't do anything apart from scare him and continue to break things. If an older child had entered closer to their own age perhaps they wouldn't have stopped at laugh. It's a sad fact of life that people do hang around in toilets for bad reasons. No point in pretending it doesn't happen.

Why do we really need male and female toilets if there are cubicles. It would make life easier for lots of families. And ........ We wouldn't have to worry about which toilet people who identify as a different gender will use

The mum was worried about the safety of her child. I can understand why she did it. Don't see anything wrong with it. As others have said, all he will see is ladies washing their hands.

My eight year old uses the men's toilets I don't like it but respect his choices although I wait outside for him I've only intervened once when I heard someone speak to him asking him if he was alone? I called through to ask if he had fallen down the hole? (He has mild difficulties communicating is very much one of them)

He was with his Mum, I couldn’t be less bothered. If she felt it necessary then fine, none of us, not even the OP, knows why she felt it necessary.

I haven’t felt it necessary to take an older boy in with me but I do stand at the door and any commotion I’ll call out to them & if I was worried I’d go in. I’ve seen enough Willy’s in my day not to get over excited by one using a urinal and you can’t generally see anything anyway. Except in France where they always seem to be side on to the door & half the blokes leave the door open. Meh.

To be honest wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Imagine the boy would have been embarrassed though especially if someone was getting changed

My 12 year old DS will sometimes come in the ladies with me. He got locked in a men's toilets (by accident) when he was 10 on holiday and still gets a bit anxious about it. He checks the locks first and if there is no way he can potentially climb out (over the top of the cubicle) he won't use the men's on his own.

In a really busy crowded place (half time at a football match) he comes in the ladies.